Affirmation and appreciation in families

     I used to attend yearly conferences of AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists).  An account given by one of the speakers has stayed with me because of the lessons it taught about successful marriages and families.
      The speaker was a marriage counselor who had been trained in the West but had initiated a practice in Florida.  Soon he was also called to be on the High Council of his LDS stake.  The stake had wards and branches scattered about in quite a few cities and towns in that area of the state.  Soon his Church speaking assignments took him to these scattered places and he began to become acquainted with many LDS members throughout his new stake.
     His practice continued to grow and a day came when he met a new client at his office that he recognized as a member from one of the scattered wards.  A picture came to his mind of a family sitting in one of the front rows of the chapel as he gave his talk, a young father and mother and several little children close in age to each other.  This was the father who was coming to his office.
     As the interview developed, the man shared his situation.  He had fallen out of love with his wife, and then with a person at his employment believed he had discovered his true soul mate.  The counselor, who was trained in Rogerian non-directive therapeutic techniques, began to make a response along the order of “So you feel that you no longer love your wife” but what came out of his mouth shocked both himself and the client: “No!  You cannot leave your wife, You have made promises and commitments that you need to keep!”
     The counselor then expressed to his audience his immediate feelings of disconcertment at having violated the tenets of his professional training, yet still had the vision in his mind of this little family sitting together in the front row of the chapel.  So, he and the man pursued in their subsequent discussion what needed to happen next and the counselor was bold enough to give him a homework assignment.  He directed the man, for each day in the following week, to say one thing to his wife that complimented her or expressed appreciation to her for what she was doing for him or their children, and then to report on this when they would meet again.
     At the next meeting the man reported that it was hard but he had fulfilled the assignment.  He seemed to have softened a little in his determination to leave his family.  The counselor left him with the same assigned homework for the next week.  The following counseling session followed the same pattern.  When the man returned for the third time he informed the counselor that he had decided that he still cared for his wife and would being staying with his family and didn’t think he needed more counseling sessions.
     A few months later the man came up to him after a stake conference, hugged him, and gave him profuse thanks for stopping him from making the worst decision in his life, to leave his wife and family.  Developing the practice and habit of expressing gratitude daily to his spouse had restored his feelings of love for his wife and revolutionized his marriage relationship.
     I think that our family heritage was not as rich as it could have been in expressions and physical manifestations of approval, appreciation, and love.  In retrospect, I am confident that love and good wishes predominated in both the Lewis and Evans families, but neither family had the habit and practice of expressing or showing that love with regularity.  Over the period of my adulthood, I have gradually been able to see and begin to try to practice these principles.  Wendy has been a fine influence in this regard.  One day shortly after our marriage, she said, “You know, your daughters need you to tell them regularly that you love them.”  That statement struck me strongly as being correct and needed, and I have tried to implement it.  I have found it less strange to verbalize as I continue to remember to do it, especially in phone calls.  (I have also been led to think if the girls need it maybe the boys do also.)
     Everybody needs to feel appreciated and hear words of affirmation.  Here are some ways I have discovered to provide positive feedback:
     DEVELOP THE HABIT TO SAY “THANK YOU” OFTEN.  As I have learned more about expressing approval and appreciation, I am finding one of the most natural ways to do this is verbalizing “Thank you’s” immediately whenever someone does something for you.  To me this happens many times a day, and offers rich opportunities to communicate gratitude and promote a warm, positive family environment.
     I compliment those moms in our family who are helping their children to write “thank you” notes.
     BE A CHEER-LEADER FOR ANY GOOD ACTION BY THOSE AROUND YOU.  Be enthusiastic and spontaneous.  The 80% rule for maintaining relationships is: 4 positive interactions for every negative interaction.
     USE THE GOLDEN SENTENCE.  There is a more sophisticated way to word a statement of praise, which strengthens your ability to build up the person.  Some have called it “The Golden Sentence.”  Here is the format for this kind of statement:
           I feel [state the positive feeling]
           about [name the action/behavior]
           because [describe how the action/behavior benefits you or others]
     Here are a couple of examples:
     “I feel wonderful whenever you compliment me about something I do around the house, because then I know that you love me.”  
     “I admire how you interact with your little kids–you seem so gentle and positive.  I am sure that this will evolve into a strong relationships as they grow older.”
     DO SOMETHING THAT EXPRESSES APPRECIATION OR AFFIRMATION TO FAMILY MEMBERS EVERY DAY (OR OFTENER)
     I wish I could have expressed praise and appreciation better in my earlier years.  I think this would have benefited JoAnn and helped her cope with the huge challenges she had to deal with.  I especially wish that I had been more appreciative to my mother, who did so much for me, including helping me to gain a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel.
     I can only look forward to meeting these two in the hereafter, intending to make sure that they now know of my profound gratitude for their multitudinous contributions to my life on earth.

Wilford Woodruff's Response to the Announcement of Baptism for the Dead

Prominent men appear to Elder Woodruff at St. George temple 1877

     At the time of the Church’s October Conference in 1940, eight members of the Quorum of the Twelve were serving missions in England, including Wilford Woodruff.  At the conference, on October 5, 1840, Joseph Smith gave an address in which he made a huge announcement, one that established an entirely new direction for the Church.  There may have never been a conference announcement, before or since, with that significant a change being made, even including those that abolished polygamy or extending the priesthood to all worthy males.  The discourse was about baptism for the dead.
     On the next day, Elder Woodruff’s wife Phebe, who had attended the conference, wrote a long letter to her husband in England to share the news.  Shortly after this, Joseph smith also wrote a letter to the Twelve explaining the doctrine.
     When Elder Woodruff heard the news, his response was interesting and inspiring.  He recorded in his journal that the moment that he heard of the possibility of baptisms for the dead, his “soul leaped with joy.”  The doctrine of vicarious baptism proved to Wilford that God “was reasonable, wise, just, and true, and possessed both the best of attributes, and good sense and knowledge.... consistent with love, mercy, justice and judgment.”  As a result Wilford loved God more than ever.  He later testified that the revelation was like a “shaft of light from the throne of God,” and “opened a field wide as eternity to our minds.”  (reported in Jennifer Ann Mackley, “Wilford Woodruff’s Witness: The Development of Temple Doctrine,” Seattle: High Desert Publishing, 2014, 47-50)
     Might we share some of Elder Woodruff’s feelings about work for the dead?

Imperfection in a perfect Church

Christ the Healer

     Here is an insight from the Givens (“The Ring of Pharaoh,” The Crucible of Doubt, pp. 73-82) which gives me much comfort, as it reflects upon both my efforts to lead and to follow in the Church.  In their chapter about our dealings with and expectations of our leaders in the Church, both local and general, that we are required to sustain and follow fallible human beings, they teach of how thoroughly God relies on the principle of delegation to both further his work and help persons to grow.  Delegation requires that God sanctions and honors decisions made on earth, if sincerely executed, even if they are not a perfect reflection of heavenly wisdom.
     B. H. Roberts has stated, “I think it is a reasonable conclusion to say that constant, never-varying inspiration is not a factor in the administration of the affairs even of the Church; not even good men, no, not though they be prophets or other high officials of the Church, are at all times and in all things inspired of God.”  Part of the test for each of us, is that God asks for us to receive the words of the prophet (and for that matter, the words of other leaders, both local and general), “as if from my own mouth, in all patience and faith.” (D&C 21:5).  Why patience and faith?  Because we are obligated to find out for ourselves the level of inspiration involved in a pronouncement.  And also, this will be the action of a well-intentioned but less-than-perfect leader, and may very well place our own faith on trial.
     “God said that he would have a tried people.  But he doesn’t have to do the trying.  We do most of it to each other–through the very weakness designed to bring us all, fallible leaders and struggling disciples, to Christ the Healer.” (p. 79)
     Even if leaders make errors as they try to execute their callings, God can and will transmute these into goodness.  As evidence, the Givens cite the story of Joseph being sold into Egypt, Joseph Smith’s experience in the Liberty jail (D&C 122) and Lehi’s blessing to his son Jacob (2 Nephi 2:1-2).
     The closing challenge from the Givens:
     “ “Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with,” reminds Elder Jeffrey Holland.  “That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but he deals with it.  So should we.”  Generosity with our own inept attempts to serve and minister to each other in a lay church, charity toward those in leadership who, as President Dieter Uchtdorf noted, have “said or done [things] that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine,” and faith in Christ’s Atonement that makes up the human deficit–these could be the balm of Gilead for which both wounded disciples and striving leaders seek” (p. 82)
     There we have it:
– GENEROSITY toward our own inept efforts
– CHARITY toward those in leadership
– FAITH in Christ’s Atonement to make up any deficit

Michael's birthday celebration

Wendy and I  tried to organize something to recognize Michael's birthday.  Usually we try to go to the temple and then have pizza and cherry pie as a family. We were going to do a family temple sealing session.  We had the Soderquists and Matthew and Kim committed and maybe an Emilie, but then we learned this week that a long absent cousin of Wendy's, Julie, was going to be in Utah on Friday evening, the only time we could see her.  We ended up at the cabin Friday night with Julie and all of Wendy's sibs and their spouses and it was alright.  Alison and Kim were able to pull off the  sealing session, which then included Dorothy plus Kris and Robb and their spouses, and did it, of all places, in Brigham City.

This evening (Sunday) Wendy fixed gluten-free pizza and cherry pie,so that we two could have our celebration.  I will say this--they look quite palatable in the picture.  To give the pizza its due, it had lots of good pizza taste--sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, cheese, etc.  I would eat it again.  We're about to try the pie.

PS: The pie was quite good.  Sorry you didn't get any.  The gluten-free crust was crunchy, and I like crunchy.

Preparing for the Temple

When LDS girls turn 12, they can immediately ask for a limited use temple recommend to be able to perform baptisms for the dead, subject to a worthiness review of course.  It is actually possible for a girl to be in the temple doing these ordinances on the very day of her 12th birthday.  In fact, we have several young women in our own family who have achieved this and been in the temple on the very day they turned 12.  What a wonderful goal.

For boys, the process for qualifying for such a temple recommend is a little more complicated and time consuming.  They must first receive the Aaronic Priesthood.  That process also requires a worthiness interview as with the girls, but also being sustained to receive the Aaronic Priesthood in ward sacrament meeting and then having the priesthood conferred by the laying on of hands by another priesthood holder.  At a minimum, it might be a few days or a week or more after his 12th birthday before a boy could possibly perform his first baptisms for the dead.
                                   
This small difference in procedure between girls and boys may perhaps be a metaphor for future differences in gospel-related requirements and opportunities based on gender.

For boys, receiving the Aaronic Priesthood and being ordained to the office of Deacon is the start of a long, multi-year apprenticeship and mentoring process to prepare for spiritual manhood.  It involves a succession of ordinations, graduated leadership callings, and priesthood related service experiences, as preparation to receive the Melchizedek priesthood and participate in the higher ordinances that belong to the temple.  For girls like boys, worthiness is required, but beyond some consideration of her age and situation, nothing else is required to receive temple blessings.  This difference seems to suggest that according to the wisdom and understanding of God, males need an extra and extensive program of tutoring to prepare for the blessings and obligations of the temple and responsible adulthood in the Church beyond that needed by women.

Sunday morning bullets

• Winter has finally come.  We got up to a couple of inches of snow.  The first flurry was yesterday afternoon, and it was snowing as we got up this morning.  We have had re cord breaking warm days for a week or so–highs in the 50s and even above 60 degrees.  Then Friday we had this howling cold wind from the SF Canyon that never let up all day.  Yesterday in the morning the sky was overcast and there was a sort of ominous warn stillness.  Then eventually the snow started.

• Yesterday in the morning I got outside to do a couple of last minute winter preparation.  First, I removed the covers for the turnoff valves for our two water systems.  I turned off the Pressurized Irrigation valve which I hadn’t already done, although the water had stopped in late October.  I also stuffed some insulation in the hole around the culinary water valve.  This was a recommendation of a plumber who had helped us thaw our pipes last year when they froze during a cold spell.  I also did a little early winter pruning of our rose bushes, just taking off the dead roses and the tops of the weaker stalks to help keep them from breaking if we have heavy snow on them.  We had had some of our bushes grow quite tall and a couple of new plants where the stalks were quite spindly.  According to rose pruning instructions with which I am familiar, you are supposed to leave most of the stalks until late winter or early spring before you do serious pruning.  Leaving most of the wood is supposed to help the rose plants survive the winter.

• We were excited yesterday to get the long-awaited word of the date for dedication of the Payson Temple, June 7, 2015.  I can see that there will be a lot of scrambing now to reset calendars for our youth programs and other things now.  For example, our stake’s planned youth conference conflicts with this date.  Not that anyone is complaining, of course.

• I had a little glimpse a few days ago of what the future might be like with the new temple in Payson.  I was conversing with Kelly W, he who is an Assistant Recorder at the Provo Temple and who will be the Recorder for the Payson Temple and who is also a Counselor in the Blake’s Stake Presidency.  I said we worry a little that there will not be enough temple worker positions at Payson for all of us who live in its new district and currently work in the Provo Temple.  He said he thought there would be plenty of things to do, because Payson will be a “member maintenance” temple, like our church houses. There will be lots of responsibilities to be cared for by callings of members that are done by paid staff at Provo.  He gave an example of a line for a worker where one of the assignments, in addition to work with ordinances, might at a given hour be to take out the garbage.

• I really enjoyed our Christmas kick-off get-together at the cabin last Friday night.  I felt so relaxed and just enjoyed the association and to observe the happy interaction between other family members.  Attending were Wendy and me, Nathan and Gloria, the Sodequists, Blakes, and Lewises. Ryan, Alyssa and Megan were there representing the college-age group.  Also Rachel happily joined in the party during the White Elephant exchange on a “face-time” call with Ryan and Alyssa.  She seemed appropriately giddy.  We did most of the usual-- dinner, then a grand march for all who wanted to join in, a line weaving in and through the cabin rooms and balconies singing “We wish you a merry Christmas.”  Then Wendy and I gave all the kids the First Gift of the season, a ridiculous compacted little glob that when moistened becomes a washcloth with various hero images like Spiderman and Superman.  Then the kids beat up a pinata that started as a clown but Wendy had fashioned into a Christmas tree, and collected lots of candy.  Then Matthew led us in the White elephant gift exchange.  And we sang Christmas carols around the piano, first our yearly rendition of the Hallelujah chorus, then O Beautiful Night, and lots of Christmas songs from an old Christmas song folio that we had in our home when the kids were small.  Matthew said that these were not The Forgotten Carols, they were the Carols That No One Had Known in the First Place.  However, the older generations in our family knew them and its was fun to sing them again.

Payson Temple preparation

Here are a couple of things that we just learned that suggest that we are not too far away from an announcement about the dedication of our (seemingly) long-awaited Payson temple.

1.  One of our favorite people, Brother Woodbrey, who is cuurrently an assistant recorder at the Provo temple and is also a Stake Presidency Counselor in Emilie and Scott's stake told us that he has just been called/appointed/hired as the Recorder for the Payson temple to start work on January 1, 2015.

2. On Sunday our Bishop West said that he had just received an e-mail with some preliminary instruction on identifying people to help plan the cultural celebration.

Trip back East--Massachusetts, Monday Oct 20

We spent much of the day with David at the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum.  It is located on Columbia Point in the Dorchester neighborhood of Boston, next to the University of Massachusetts Boston and the Massachusetts Archives, and overlooks Dorchester Bay and the ocean.

One of the major features is a detailed display regarding the Cuban missile crisis in which Kennedy seemed to be at his best and most Presidential.  It “was a 13-day confrontation in October 1962 between the United States and the Soviet Union over Soviet ballistic missiles deployed in Cuba.  It played out on television worldwide and was the closest the Cold War came to escalating into a full scale nuclear war.  In response to the failed Bay of Pigs invasion of 1961, and the presence of American Jupiter ballistic missiles in Italy and Turkey against the USSR with Moscow within range, Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev decided to agree to Cuba's request to place nuclear missiles in Cuba to deter future harassment of Cuba. An agreement was reached during a secret meeting between Khrushchev and Fidel Castro in July and construction on a number of missiles sites started later that summer... These missile preparations were confirmed when an Air Force U-2 spy plane produced clear photographic evidence of medium-range and intermediate-range ballistic missile facilities. [Under Kennedy’s leadership] the United States established a military blockade to prevent further missiles from entering Cuba.  It announced that they would not permit offensive weapons to be delivered to Cuba and demanded that the weapons already in Cuba be dismantled and returned to the USSR.

“After a period of tense negotiations an agreement was reached between Kennedy and Khrushchev. Publicly, the Soviets would dismantle their offensive weapons in Cuba and return them to the Soviet Union, subject to United Nations verification, in exchange for a US public declaration and agreement never to invade Cuba without direct provocation. Secretly, the US also agreed that it would dismantle all US-built Jupiter MRBMs, which were deployed in Turkey and Italy against the Soviet Union but were not known to the public.

“When all missiles and Ilyushin Il-28 light bombers had been withdrawn from Cuba, the blockade was formally ended on November 20, 1962. The negotiations between the United States and the Soviet Union pointed out the necessity of a quick, clear, and direct communication line between Washington and Moscow. As a result, the Moscow–Washington hotline was established.  A series of agreements sharply reduced U.S.-Soviet tensions for the following years.”  (from Wikipedia article)

From everything we could learn, it appeared that Kennedy guided the US response with a firm but measured hand, showing both strength and patience and not overreacting in a way that would risk further escalation.  Our thoughts turned to make a comparison with the seeming weakness, lack of resolve, and indecisiveness of the current administration dealing with international crises.

On Monday evening, we finished our time with David, Rebecca and family, by helping them fulfill an assignment to clean their church building.  My job turned out to be using the “pig” vacuum to clean the chapel.  It was guilt-alleviating to do this since October was supposed to be our month to help clean our building in Spansih Fork and we were not there for half of the month.

We had a wonderful visit in Massachusetts.  We especially enjoyed getting much be acquainted with the boys and their attention to us.  Rebecca was such a wonderful host and David went out of his way to make our visit memorable.

Trip back East--Massachusetts, Sunday Oct 19

We attended church with the family.  I thought the Gospel Doctrine class was different and interesting.  It was taught by a medical doctor whose hobby is looking at the scriptures in depth.  The subject was the prophecies about the Messiah in Isaiah chapter 53.  He seemed very thoroughly acquainted, in fact scholarly, with the Hebrew language in this chapter, Jewish history, etc.  It was an interesting change of pace from the same lessons as we experienced them at Mt. Zion the week before and in our own ward.

Trip back East--Massachusetts, Saturday Oct 18

We watched Isaac and Ben play soccer games.  I was impressed by his athleticism.  He was fast and aggressive and beginning to grasp how to play the game and compete.  Ben also seemed to be progressing in his soccer, and making progress in learning the basic skills of the game.  More important, both of them seemed to be having fun.

We stayed with the kids in the late afternoon and evening so that David and Rebecca could have an evening out for themselves.  We did a jigsaw puzzle and found the guys, especially Henry, to be strong and enthusiastic puzzle participants.  We played other games and watched the Lego movie for a second time.  It made everything more awesome even than the first viewing.

Trip back East--Massachusetts, Friday Oct 17 continued, park and dinner

Magnetized utensils

Magnetized utensils #2

Pensive guys

Trip back East--Massachusetts, Friday Oct 17

On Friday, David drove us into Cambridge and we spent some time walking around Harvard Square, that is, the campus of Harvard University.

The founder, John Harvard

Harvard Memorial Church

Harvard Library

We finished this excursion at a French pastry shop having cups of gourmet hot chocolate.

Not far from Harvard Square we saw the office building where Novell will be moving their Massachusetts staff, including David, in the next few weeks.

Trip back East--Massachusetts--Thursday, Oct 16

We did two endowment sessions at the Boston temple.  David dropped us off and picked us up.  The temple is about a 10 minute drive from their house.  We went to the 9 am session, had some lunch at the temple cafeteria, and then did the 12 noon session.  In each session there was only us and one other couple.

In the evening, we watched The Lego Movie with the boys.  Afterward, we kept hearing Henry singing, “Everything is awesome.”

Trip back East--Massachusetts--Wednesday, Oct 15

We drove out with David and the boys to a pick-your-own apple farm in Sudbury, MA, called Honey Pot Hill Orchard.  There were some farm animals to see and feed, the most interesting of which were goats.  Isaac kept sending them leaves to eat on the little pulley feeder, but they preferred the pellets we could buy for 25 cents a handful.  There was also a hedge maze that the boys disappeared into for quite a while. 

We also picked a bag of apples to take home.  There were quite few varieties available, many of which were not familiar to us.  We tasted some and decided to pick Spencers.  They reminded us of Honey Crisp and were very crisp and flavorful

.

Trip back East--Massachusetts--Tuesday, Oct 14

We flew out of Raleigh at 1:30 pm, with a change of planes in Baltimore and arrived in Boston at 5:35 pm.  David, Ben, and Henry picked us up and we saw their new home for the first time.  It is compact but has all the necessary features.

I quizzed Rebecca about how difficult it might have been to lose square footage, yard space, etc., in order to get the benefits of Belmont–proximity to church/temple/services, shorten David’s commute, get superior schools, etc.  I was impressed with her matter-of-fact response that all they had had to do was to decide which furnishings, equipment, etc., were really necessary and get rid of everything else.  And if they think that they need some new thing, all they have to do is decide what it replaces.  No big deal.

I sure liked the window-box mums.  David has them watered by a drip irrigation system.

We stayed in the annex room to the left.  It had a comfy day bed, and a sky light.

Trip back east--North Carolina--Monday October 13

We had nice breakfast with Shirley and Theron and Randall and Karen B, then made a leisurely drive back to Raleigh and checked back into our same motel in Apex.  After dinner at our old Route 55 place, we drove around the outer belt (540) and met and visited with Phil W, with his sons Jesse and Caleb, at a theater on the north side of Raleigh, then saw the movie “Meet the Mormons” with them.

In the lobby after the show we ran into and had a little reunion with the S‘s, who were Raleigh temple president and matron and who we had gotten to know well as temple patrons while on our mission.  From this interaction we had learned a new and significant meaning of  holding “a name and standing” in the temple (D&C 109:24).  They knew us by name when we attended and greeted us personally and warmly.

Trip back east--North Carolina--Sunday October 12

We went to church at the Mt. Zion branch.  They are still meeting from 9 am to 12 noon, using the "one true schedule" with sacrament meeting last.  Attendance appeared to have increased a little since we had been there last.  There have been some converts recently.  The full-time missionaries were present including Elder Wood from Spanish Fork.  (We had contact with his family prior to our trip.) One thing that was happening that I was impressed and excited about, was their relationship with the teenage boys in the branch.  There were 5 or 6 young men hanging around them constantly.  This day plans were being made for the elders to split off with AP boys to take the sacrament to home-bound members.  I sensed that if these elders accomplished nothing else, the examples they provided for the AP was worth their being in the branch.  One of the problems that Wendy and I had identified when were assigned to the branch was the there was no culture of mission preparation there.  These elders seemed to have changed this.  There are two young men with mission papers ready and others younger now seemingly with the same vision.

It was fast and testimony Sunday, and we bore our testimonies. 

After meeting, we made some visits.  We first saw Jeff and Dorothy F.  We lived with their son Daryl for awhile at the start of our mission.  Jeff used to keep us supplied with the best sausage.  She has been suffering from had cancer for a number of years but is still hanging on and positive.  Then we visited with Connie W, her daughter-in-law Maria and some of Maria’s kids.  Connie’s was the second place we live at Mt. Zion.  Connie’s husband died recently.  We heard about his death and his baptism shortly before he died.  Next we dropped in at Wade and Farrah N.  The missionaries were also there and interacting with their teenagers.  Finally we went to see Jeff and Debby P where we also saw Tabitha and Todd and their kids and also Tara and her kids.

In the evening, we had dinner at Theron and Shirley’s with Danny and Sherry H, Riley and Judy G, and Randall B also present.

It was such a joyful reunion and we felt so loved and so at home.

Trip back east--North Carolina--Saturday October 11

We had a good early breakfast buffet at the motel and then we did the 8 am endowment session at the Raleigh temple.  The session was full and we were glad Wendy had called two week earlier to make appointments.  Interestingly, the temple did not look the same.  We decided it was because the trees and shrubs in its landscaping were 4 years older.

We had another one of those "going home," sentimental experiences at the Raleigh temple.  So sweet.

After checking out of the motel, we headed for Mt. Zion, and arrived in the early pm at Shirley and Theron S’s home.  Later in the afternoon, we drove with them to Danny and Sherri H’s home, where they had prepared a dinner, a fish fry.  He had been fishing a few days before in the ocean near Hampstead and we ate deep fried flounder and spot that he had caught.  I had never heard of a fish called spot before, but when I was a little boy we did have a dog with that name.  They said that these are a small ocean fish, and are called spot because they have a dark spot somewhere on their little bodies.  The fish had been gutted but still had fins and tail when they were cooked.   Riley and Judy G were there as were Randall B, Ethelene and Linon, and William B and his daughter Judith.  We donated the tails to Judy to eat because, predictably, she said they were the best part of the fish.

Here is what Wikipedia says about spots in case you are interested: “The spot croaker (Leiostomus xanthurus) or spot is a small saltwater fish species inhabiting estuary and coastal waters along the eastern coast of United States, Gulf of Mexico, and the Caribbean.[2] The spot croaker derives its name from the prominent dark spot behind each gill. It is also known for its the croaking sound it produces using its swim bladder. It is part of the family Sciaendae and the only species in its the genus, Leiostomus. Spot croakers spawn offshore and the spawn migrate inland to develop into juveniles. They are frequently caught by recreational anglers and make excellent table fare. Their diets consist largely of organic detritus, small crustaceans, and worms. Bloodworms are the ideal bait when fishing for spot croaker. The community of Hampstead, North Carolina hosts the North Carolina Spot Festival the last weekend of September to honor the fish.”

I am sorry to miss the spot festival, but the visit with friends was great!

Trip back east--North Carolina--Friday October 10

Wendy and I did a delightful 11 day trip back east in October.  We appreciate so much Wendy’s brother-in-law Jerry dropping us off at the airport and keeping our Traverse safe while we were gone.  We left Salt Lake on a 9:15 am flight on Southwest Airlines through Denver, and arrived in Raleigh NC about 5 pm.  We picked up our rental car and drove down to the area of the Raleigh temple.  As it was dinner time, we first stopped at our favorite hamburger place a few blocks south of the temple, Andy’s.  However it was no longer Andy’s but “Route 55," a new name they said to help the company move forward with a nation-wide franchising strategy.  Everything else was the same.  The cooks yelled “Hello” to us as we came in the door, it had the same 50s-ish decor, and even the manager that we knew so well was still there and friendly.  And the food was still a good as we remembered it.  Wendy had a cheeseburger patty (no buns allowed now), I had their cheese steak (so tasty!), and we topped it off with our favorite dessert-- a dish of strawberry cheesecake frozen custard.  Then we got a room in a nearby motel, a nice place we had stayed at before (about 2 minutes from Andy's/Route 55, 4 minutes from the temple, and 15 minutes from RDU).

My Poor Head

Monday, I had a little (as I supposed) surgery on the top of my head to get rid of a basal cell carcinoma.

It was a Mohs procedure like the one Wendy had on her forehead above her left eye.  In this dermatological procedure, the Dr. removes what appears to be the growth and then you stay while he biopsies at the edges of what he has cut away to see if any cancer cells remain.  If so, he takes a little more off and biopsies it.  He could do this several more times until it is clear all the cancer is gone.  In this case, he only came back once for more cutting but still got a pretty long cut to sew back up.  He was able to stretch the skin so no plastic surgery or grafting was needed.

I guess this was minor surgery.  We were finished in a couple of hours.  I ended up with a 2-inch long incision that looks like the seam on a baseball.

I say, "Cover up, wear sunscreen, and avoid sunburn when you are young."

11 year old scouts

Here are 3 of my favorite young men, Matt L, Gavin H, Ryan C.   That's Randy, my Asst.,  in the far background.  These guys are the best 11 year year old scouts I have had.  So much fun.  They all love scouting, have worked hard, and are each within a couple of requirements of First Class.  On September 12-13, Randy and I took these 11 year olds to Whiting campground for their third campout.  Then on September 17, they each passed of their First Class swim (100 yards, etc.), so there is nothing hard left.  They should be ready for First Class board of review by the end of October.  All three are working on merit badges and are more than half way to Star.

Unless we get a move-in boy, we won't have more 11 year scouts December for another year and a half and suppose that we will be released from our assignment.

I am feeling a little sentimental over this camp.  The thought came to me that this might be the last scout camp in my life.  At age 77, I can still do it though.  At an earlier time, I counted over 200 nights camping with the scouts.

Payson temple progress

Wendy and I drove over to Payson a few days ago to check on progress.  It looks finished on the outside, but the word is that there is some more work needed on the interior.  They are no longer saying 2014, but probably early 2015.

It also looks like there is still a few weeks work on the landscaping.  They are putting in sod this week and more trees.

Ogden Temple Dedication

Our family at the Ogden temple open house

We attended both the 10 am and the 1 pm dedication sessions broadcast to our churchhouse.  The second time, we had volunteered to help with the session–I served as a recommend checker and Wendy as a greeter at the doors at the east foyer, for an hour–and then slipped back into the chapel just as the session started.

One thing I observed that was touching–a lot of parents with younger children must have traded off on which session they attended or on staying home with little ones.  I saw one pair, a dad sitting with a little girl about 10 or 12.  It looked like just the best Daddy-Daughter Date.  The little girl was dressed in her best Sunday clothes.  He had his arm around her and she leaning against him, and so pleased.  I can imagine that her memories of this will be among her most treasured, when she went to a temple dedication all alone with her Dad.

I am remembering Elder Holland’s story in the second session, where he described his experience being in London on Church assignment as his son was receiving his endowments in the St. George temple, his mother being present at the temple, how Elder Holland figured out the very time this was all happening half a world away, and used this time to read the scriptures and reflect upon what his son was experiencing and learning at that specific moment, and the spiritual response he had.  I then had the thought that I wished that I was experiencing this session with more of the family personally.  I wondered why we had not thought of attending with Matthew’s or Emilie’s families, and how much I was hoping that the grandchildren in our Utah were having a good experience, one that would help them love the temple and look forward to the day when they could receive all of the temple blessings.