Strong Mothers, Strong Sons

     In reading a couple of books about raising good sons, by Meg Meeker, a non-LDS pediatrician and mother of four, living in Michigan, I was impressed by how closely her vision of this task coincided with what we are trying to do in the Church and scouting and our families to prepare our young men to grow up to be good priesthood men.  I have said elsewhere that we want our young men to grow up to be strong, but to use that strength to help and serve others.  Here is some of Dr. Meeker’s advice to mothers, raising sons:

     “One of the most important aspects of good mothering is making sure that before our son leaves home, he has a deep sense of what his purpose in life is.  Every boy needs to know that his life was intentional and that he was born with unique talents that he can use to find his place in the world...[He needs to] learn how to take the gifts he has been given and use them for the good of those around him.  When he learns to combine his gifts with the utilization of them for the good of others, then he begins to understand what his purpose in life really is.” (Meeker (2014), “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons”, NY: Ballantine Books, p. 102)
     “For a boy to learn early in his life what he likes, what he is good at, and what he wants are all important.  But, in the end, unless he learns how to use those things to help others around him he will never recognize the true purpose of his life, nor will he live a more fulfilled life... Real joy comes from fulfilling a purpose, not in being self-focused.  When a boy begins to see that he is part of a larger world and a bigger humanity, he learns to look outside himself and use the talents he has been given to make the world a better place.  It is then that he begins to comprehend the deeper purpose of life.”  (Meeker, p. 104)
     “Each of us mothers must help our sons find whatever it is in his life that triggers passions in them.  Sure, we can sign them up for extracurricular activities and summer camps and find them the best schools– and these are laudable things to do.  But we can’t simply stop there.  We must help our sons look beyond and serve others, because it is in the serving where they begin to understand a deeper meaning in their lives.
     “Second, a boy must be taught to orient his life toward meaning, not just happiness...  to begin to think about finding purpose rather than simply happiness.  Purpose brings eternal satisfaction; happiness is temporary.  So, look at what your son is good at, or interested in, and help him use those qualities to help others.   This is the best way to aid them in their search to find what they were put on earth for.
     “Third, a mother needs to teach her son that he doesn’t exist in a vacuum.  Since he is born as a relational being, he cannot know the meaning of his life without knowing that it involves other human beings.  He is born into a larger unit and therefore he needs something to live for other than himself.”  (Meeker, p. 106)

Rock, Tree, or ???

 I have been interested in what makes for successful and rewarding marriages, and have come to the conclusion that men and women have some basic differences that are complementary and that when exercised together in a marriage these differences can have a synergistic result that might be said to create something that is greater than the sum of its parts.  But what are those unique characteristics belonging to men and those belonging to women that might typically contribute the most to the success of a marriage?

I was impressed by a statement Alison made recently in letter to her children, and she gave me permission to share this thought.  She noted that Quin had been traveling for his work and she was happy that he was back home.  She started to call Quin her “rock,” but then amended her statement, saying the Lord is her “rock” but that Quin is her “tree.”

I could think of many ways to elaborate on this metaphor, in terms perhaps of rootedness, shelter and protection, tallness/straightness, fruit production, etc.  Maybe some of the rest of you, especially the ladies, might do better than me.

But with this start, I tried to find a metaphor that could describe how I have been affected and influenced by JoAnn and by Wendy.  My first thought was a window which exposed me to a larger world and one that was richer and more textured and colorful.  Then I thought, not a window, but something that allows me to step out into the bigger, brighter, more interesting world, a door.   But even a door is small and must be opened and closed, so I then settled on, a gateway, a large, prominent, decorous, gateway.  And primary component of this richer world has to do with feelings and loving relationships, and increasing numbers of the latter–friends, children, grandchildren, etc.

What metaphors come to your minds?  And why?

Christmas Kick-off 2015

We had a happy gathering for Christmas Kickoff at the Cabin on Friday night and Saturday morning, Dec 4th and 5th.  36 family members came including 31 who stayed overnight.  Thanks to Matthew for the pictures.

Chosen at random(???) after finding almonds in their desserts, Ben L. and Callie (Kim's niece) were the King and Queen.  They led a Grand Parade singing carols all around the cabin, upstairs and downstairs, on the deck.  They also passed the First Gifts of the season from their Grandpa and Grandma.  Here are others enjoying their Cherry Crunch:

Colby, the party's youngest

Lindsey, Jonathan

Nathan and Gloria

Erin has somehow acquired 2 of the First Gifts, and is demonstrating how light can penetrate her ears.

Quin is letting down our Pinata, which looks like a Christmas present. It turned out to be quite stubborn in letting down its contents.  Almost everyone from the youngest to the oldest whaled away at it with a plastic bat.

Jon was in charge of the blindfold and point the batters toward? their victim.

The bat broke before the Pinata.

Finally 12 pounds of candy poured out onto the floor.

Another highlight was the big White Elephant Gift Exchange.  So many wonderful things, such as the can of okra with corn and tomatoes.  And see Quin's antlers.

We are glad that Ben came with Megan.

Apples pancakes for breakfast.

Big Rook game in the morning.  Many in this same group worked far into the night on a jig-saw puzzle.  And we didn't mention the 20 voice choir that performed the Hallelujah Chorus in the evening.

What we learned about temples on our 10 temple trip

The most impressive thing to us as we made our tour was learning how much the saints love their temples.  This seemed especially the case for the smaller temples, Reno, Sacramento, Fresno, Redlands, and also Las Vegas, where we heard evidence of this as we became acquainted with workers and patrons.  We also saw examples of persons who made great sacrifices to attend the temple and to work in the temple, people driving hundreds of miles to be present in these buildings and participate in the ordinances there.

We recognize a lot of devotion to the temples also in Utah where most members live within 15 or 20 minutes from multiple temples, but perhaps the temple has even greater meaning to members who live in areas where they are an extreme minority and in some cases are in environments that have very different values and standards of behavior from those of the Church.  For them, the temple becomes a place of protection and refuge from the storms.
“Our labors in the temple cover us with a shield and a protection, both individually and as a people.”  (Boyd K. Packer, “The Holy Temple,” Feb 1995)
“Flee unto...  the Mountain of the Lord’s House.” (D&C 133: 13)

Manti temple, Friday late afternoon, Nov 6

We cut over to Highway 89, using I-70 and got to Manti for the 4:30 pm endowment session.  In the session were a couple who had been in Taylorsville Gardens 1st ward while I was Bishop and Dallin Bies, a young man I had worked with on the Stake VOA 3 years ago and who is now back from a mission and in school at Snow College.

We arrived home about 8 pm, arranging on our way to see the Payson temple fully lit for the first time.

Cedar City temple site, Nov 6

Looking west at the gateway to the temple site, with architect's rendering of the final product.  Initial excavating has begun.  The site is a low hill that sits on the south-west side of the city.  There is quite a bit of new, nice housing in the vicinity.

Looking northward down the hill, along the street that approaches the temple site.  This temple will be very prominent from I-15 as it approaches Cerdar City from the north.

On our way through Cedar City, we stopped to check out the site for the new Cedar City temple and had lunch.

St. George temple, Thursday evening and Friday morning, Nov 5-6

We got a motel in St. George on Bluff Street in the early evening, then went the few blocks to the temple where we got on a sealing session with three young couples.  We had a very dynamic sealer who had been born in Cuba and had lived all over the world.  It would have been interesting to hear how he came to have the Church.  As it was, it was enjoyable to have him take some time to teach these couples more things about the couple sealing ceremony.

After the session at the temple, we went Nielsen Custard and each had a chocolate almond concrete.  This was in continuation of our celebrating Wendy's birthday.

The next morning we checked out of our motel and did an endowment session at the temple, then headed north on I-15.

Las Vegas temple, Thursday, Nov 5

We arrived at the Las Vegas temple early afternoon, did and endowment session.  Wendy shared a special experience she had in this temple, some 15 years ago.

After the session we had a late lunch in the cafeteria.  Worth noting in my opinion, the temple cafeteria food here was the best on the whole trip. 

Late afternoon, we left for St. George.

Redlands temple, Wednesday evening, Nov 4

We checked into our motel in San Bernardino in the late afternoon, then drove 15 minutes further along I-10 to the temple in Redlands.  There was still enough light in the sky for some great pictures.  This temple is a triplet to Sacramento and Newport Beach and very attractive both inside and out--one of the prettiest.  Dedicated in 2003, it was built on the site of original Latter-day Saint landholdings of the Church's 1851-1857 San Bernardino colony.  There even had been a spot for a temple designated, but abandoned when the company was recalled to Utah at the time of the approach of Johnson's army and the Utah War.

We did an early evening endowment session and then had a steak and shrimp dinner at a Sizzler next to our hotel, as a start of our celebration of Wendy's birthday tomorrow.

There was visible snow on the tall mountain to east  (Mount San Gorgonio, 11,503 feet).

We left San Bernardino after breakfast, heading for Las Vegas.

Los Angeles temple, Tueday evening, and Wednesday am, Nov 3-4

We got into LA early Tuesday evening, November 3rd,  and went directly to the temple, where we had reserved a room in the temple housing.  This is a large apartment building on the backside of temple grounds.  We ate dinner in the temple cafeteria and then did an endowment session that evening.

We also enjoyed walking around the temple grounds which featured a wide variety of unusual trees and plants from all parts of the world.

In the morning, we vacated our apartment, then went back to the temple for another endowment session and some initiatories.  Then we found I-10 and headed toward Redlands.  That route goes right through downtown LA, and for quite a while we had to contend with slow traffic and aggressive CA drivers and motorcycles zipping along the traffic lane markings just inches from the cars and at twice the speed.

Fresno temple, Tuesday am, Nov 3

We stayed up C-99 a few miles in Madera than went first thing Tuesday to a temple session in the Fresno temple.  It is one of Pres. Hinckley's mini-temples, like Raleigh, Monticello, and Reno.  We got a warm welcome.  After the session, we grabbed some lunch and headed for LA.

A trip to the Sequoias at Calaveras Big Trees Stake Park, Monday, Nov 2

It was a dark, cool and drizzly day at the State park.  This is a mixed-conifer forest in the Sierra Nevada foothills east of Stockton--here is my old friend Ponderosa Pine, but bigger than I ever saw in WA state

This Pine tree is nearly 4'  diameter at its base

An even larger Sugar Pine.  Even the trees other than the Sequoias were huge.

 

I caught a squirrel trying to hide from us behind this tree.

This is the "Discovery Tree", first found by an old hunter named Augustus Dowd chasing a wounded Grizzly bear in 1852.  When he found the grove, he lost interest in the bear.  For a time no one would believe what he saw.  But soon---

At 5' above the ground, the Discovery Tree was about 25 feet across.  Interest grew.  Within a year from discovery, the tree was felled by ambitious speculators.

No saw was big enough to cut it.  It took 5 men 22 days to down it, by drilling holes using long handled augers.  A large chunk was then shipped east for display (for admission money).

People in New York and Paris paid money to see the tree.

When the rings were counted the tree was only 1,244 years old, fairly young for a big sequoia.  It was 281 feet tall.

Here the remains of the top still lie 162 years later, perhaps 250 feet away from its base.  At this point, the diameter is still 4-5'.  Sequoia wood does not decay readily.

More vandalism.  This tree has had some of its bark removed.  Bark may be 12-18" thick and is fire-resistant.

See the scorched bark.  This tree survived a fire in 1908.  Time moves slowly here.

Huge root system of a tree that fell in a windstorm in 1965.

Notice that the tree is hollow in the center.  These trees don't have tap-roots.  They can survive for many years with a hollow center, since the nutrients flow up on the outside of the wood, just under the bark.

No more Sequoia pictures.  My I-phone camera used up its battery power at this point.  There are about 75 groves of Sequoias in the world, all on the west slopes of the Sierra Nevada range.  Sequoias are relatives of the Redwood but grow differently.  Sequoias are bigger and bulkier, but Redwoods get a little taller.  Redwoods grow in groves by themselves; Sequoias grow in mixed conifer settings.  Redwood needed more moisture, so grow only in coastal settings.  Sequoias have female seeds in small cones that only open in fire and are fertilized by male seeds.  There were a quit a few young Sequoias with about a 2 foot diameter that were started from the fire of 1908, but few if any since that time.  Smokey bear has been too effective! 

What a great learning experience to see these Sequoias.