Strong Mothers, Strong Sons

     In reading a couple of books about raising good sons, by Meg Meeker, a non-LDS pediatrician and mother of four, living in Michigan, I was impressed by how closely her vision of this task coincided with what we are trying to do in the Church and scouting and our families to prepare our young men to grow up to be good priesthood men.  I have said elsewhere that we want our young men to grow up to be strong, but to use that strength to help and serve others.  Here is some of Dr. Meeker’s advice to mothers, raising sons:

     “One of the most important aspects of good mothering is making sure that before our son leaves home, he has a deep sense of what his purpose in life is.  Every boy needs to know that his life was intentional and that he was born with unique talents that he can use to find his place in the world...[He needs to] learn how to take the gifts he has been given and use them for the good of those around him.  When he learns to combine his gifts with the utilization of them for the good of others, then he begins to understand what his purpose in life really is.” (Meeker (2014), “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons”, NY: Ballantine Books, p. 102)
     “For a boy to learn early in his life what he likes, what he is good at, and what he wants are all important.  But, in the end, unless he learns how to use those things to help others around him he will never recognize the true purpose of his life, nor will he live a more fulfilled life... Real joy comes from fulfilling a purpose, not in being self-focused.  When a boy begins to see that he is part of a larger world and a bigger humanity, he learns to look outside himself and use the talents he has been given to make the world a better place.  It is then that he begins to comprehend the deeper purpose of life.”  (Meeker, p. 104)
     “Each of us mothers must help our sons find whatever it is in his life that triggers passions in them.  Sure, we can sign them up for extracurricular activities and summer camps and find them the best schools– and these are laudable things to do.  But we can’t simply stop there.  We must help our sons look beyond and serve others, because it is in the serving where they begin to understand a deeper meaning in their lives.
     “Second, a boy must be taught to orient his life toward meaning, not just happiness...  to begin to think about finding purpose rather than simply happiness.  Purpose brings eternal satisfaction; happiness is temporary.  So, look at what your son is good at, or interested in, and help him use those qualities to help others.   This is the best way to aid them in their search to find what they were put on earth for.
     “Third, a mother needs to teach her son that he doesn’t exist in a vacuum.  Since he is born as a relational being, he cannot know the meaning of his life without knowing that it involves other human beings.  He is born into a larger unit and therefore he needs something to live for other than himself.”  (Meeker, p. 106)

Rock, Tree, or ???

 I have been interested in what makes for successful and rewarding marriages, and have come to the conclusion that men and women have some basic differences that are complementary and that when exercised together in a marriage these differences can have a synergistic result that might be said to create something that is greater than the sum of its parts.  But what are those unique characteristics belonging to men and those belonging to women that might typically contribute the most to the success of a marriage?

I was impressed by a statement Alison made recently in letter to her children, and she gave me permission to share this thought.  She noted that Quin had been traveling for his work and she was happy that he was back home.  She started to call Quin her “rock,” but then amended her statement, saying the Lord is her “rock” but that Quin is her “tree.”

I could think of many ways to elaborate on this metaphor, in terms perhaps of rootedness, shelter and protection, tallness/straightness, fruit production, etc.  Maybe some of the rest of you, especially the ladies, might do better than me.

But with this start, I tried to find a metaphor that could describe how I have been affected and influenced by JoAnn and by Wendy.  My first thought was a window which exposed me to a larger world and one that was richer and more textured and colorful.  Then I thought, not a window, but something that allows me to step out into the bigger, brighter, more interesting world, a door.   But even a door is small and must be opened and closed, so I then settled on, a gateway, a large, prominent, decorous, gateway.  And primary component of this richer world has to do with feelings and loving relationships, and increasing numbers of the latter–friends, children, grandchildren, etc.

What metaphors come to your minds?  And why?

Christmas Kick-off 2015

We had a happy gathering for Christmas Kickoff at the Cabin on Friday night and Saturday morning, Dec 4th and 5th.  36 family members came including 31 who stayed overnight.  Thanks to Matthew for the pictures.

Chosen at random(???) after finding almonds in their desserts, Ben L. and Callie (Kim's niece) were the King and Queen.  They led a Grand Parade singing carols all around the cabin, upstairs and downstairs, on the deck.  They also passed the First Gifts of the season from their Grandpa and Grandma.  Here are others enjoying their Cherry Crunch:

Colby, the party's youngest

Lindsey, Jonathan

Nathan and Gloria

Erin has somehow acquired 2 of the First Gifts, and is demonstrating how light can penetrate her ears.

Quin is letting down our Pinata, which looks like a Christmas present. It turned out to be quite stubborn in letting down its contents.  Almost everyone from the youngest to the oldest whaled away at it with a plastic bat.

Jon was in charge of the blindfold and point the batters toward? their victim.

The bat broke before the Pinata.

Finally 12 pounds of candy poured out onto the floor.

Another highlight was the big White Elephant Gift Exchange.  So many wonderful things, such as the can of okra with corn and tomatoes.  And see Quin's antlers.

We are glad that Ben came with Megan.

Apples pancakes for breakfast.

Big Rook game in the morning.  Many in this same group worked far into the night on a jig-saw puzzle.  And we didn't mention the 20 voice choir that performed the Hallelujah Chorus in the evening.