The Richard Barker Rule

 
    I quote from a passage in the book “When Harry Became Sally” which I appreciated and for which I had my own personal example.
    “A couple of recent news items illustrate how our culture has lost clarity on the realities of sex differences.  In March 2017, Karen Pence, the wife of the vice president, set off a minor scandal by telling the Washington Post that her husband had a policy of not eating dinner alone with other women or drinking alcohol as public events when his wife wasn’t with him.  Mike Pence was denounced in the media as a misogynist whose social practice rested on a stereotype of women as seducers.  His critics claimed that it resulted in holding back female employees in their career, depriving them of mentorship and opportunities, since all the important business of the nation’s capital (they said) happens over diner and drinks.  Thus, Pence was discriminating against women.  The prominent liberal website Vox ran an article titled “Vice-President Pence’s ‘never dine alone with a women’ rule isn’t honorable.  It’s probably illegal.”  The article was written by a law professor who teaches employment law.
    “Mike Pence follows a version of what is known as the Billy Graham Rule, after the evangelist’s practice of avoiding situations that might carry temptation or invite suspicion.  Regardless of whether any of us would adopt the rule, it is entirely reasonable, defensible, and admirable.  Pence, like Graham, takes the differences between the sexes seriously, and he strives to protect the goods that those differences make possible—marriage and family life—while avoiding the traps they can create.  Pence himself first mentioned this policy to a reporter in 2002, when he was a young congressman representing an Indiana district in Washington, D,C.  Sexual scandal had recently been swirling around many powerful men in politics, from President Bill Clinton and Senator Ted Kennedy to Speaker Newt Gingrich.  This failing was clearly bipartisan.  So it’s understandable why some men would follow the Graham Rule, and why some women would want their husbands to do so.  Such a rule can help protect husbands from infidelity by creating a barrier to romance and temptation; it can give wives peace of mind; it can guard reputations from media speculation and scandalmongering; and it lets female employees know their boss is committed to keeping relationships professional and avoiding any confusion about it.  This is one way for a culture to recognize and respect sex differences.
    “After the Post’s profile of Mike Pence had sparked a ritual denunciation of the vice president, a former staffer of his, Mary Vought, wrote a defense of him that ran on the Post’s website.  In response to the charge that he discriminated against women, she wrote: “Pence’s personal decision not to dine alone with female staffers was never a hindrance to my ability to do my job well, and never kept me from reaping the rewards of my work.  In fact, I excelled at my job because of the work environment created from the top down.”  After all, one can value the expertise and insights of female staffers without sharing dinner and drinks.  And there are many ways to advance in our career that don’t involve one-on-one dinners with the boss.  (Apparently, Pence has not made a practice of one-on-one dinners with male staffers either.)  Vought explained that Pence’s personal rule on dining and drinking was just one small part of a larger policy of taking marriage and family seriously.  For example, he would hurry home after his official duties to share dinner with his wife and children whenever he could.  In various ways, “he modeled for male and female staffers alike that it was possible to serve in a public role with excellence while being wholly dedicated to his family.”  Pence should be commended, said Vought, for his commitment to “work-life balance, the importance of family time, and respect in the workplace: values we can all get behind.”” (Ryan T. Anderson, “When Harry Became Sally”, pp. 146-147)
    I recall some similar instructions I received when I was a young Elders Quorum President in Taylorsville, that I want to call the Richard Barker Rule.  He was our Stake President and gave this instruction at a Stake Priesthood Leadership meeting.  He was working in downtown Salt Lake City in the executive office of one of Utah’s banking firms.  A women who lived nearby in Taylorsville was hired to work in that same office.  That previous week, as he was getting ready to leave for work one morning, the women called him on the telephone and asked a favor.  Her car wouldn’t start.  Could she get a ride into work with him.  He responded that he could not offer her a ride, but he would be happy to pay for a taxi.  He explained that it would be inappropriate for him to be seen alone in a car with a women other than his wife.
    His personal rule, which he also recommended to each of us, as husbands and priesthood holders and leaders, was as follows: To avoid temptation and also the appearance of evil, a married man should never be alone with a women other than his wife.

Arranging Our Pre-Arrangement

    A couple of weeks ago, Wendy and I were talking about future things, and she expressed some concern that if I preceded her to the other side there would be no one left who would have the interest or resources to provide for her burial.  “They would just throw me on the fire.”
    We thought that maybe it would be timely to create some “pre-arrangements.”  I have not been too impressed with local services (Walker in Spanish Fork, Berg in Provo), and thought, “I wonder if we should start by talking to McDougals.  I know them personally.  R. David was our home teacher.  I worked with Kirt in scouting. They did a good with Michael’s and JoAnn’s services.  
    So I put in a call to Taylorsville and began to work with Pam, who is a services planner for McDougals.  We spent two hours on Zoom with her and set up our plan.  This is something that is not too fun to think about, but we got it done.
    Wendy’s burial spot will be in the plot just south of Michael’s which we already own.  She picked out a reasonably priced casket, in her favorite color, light blue.  I select a matching box, color ivory.
    We decided to get the monument installed now, because the cost will probably be less now than later, and worked with Pam on the inscription.  We tried to make this somewhat of a match with the existing headstone for JoAnn and myself.

 

Houseplant History

 

    This plant has dominated a corner of our living room for many years.  It was presented to me at JoAnn’s passing in 2004, by Linda and Blaine Evans.  I still remember their generous good wishes.
    Once or twice a year it puts out a flower, a single large white blossom that stands out on a tall stem.  It actually has two blossoms at present, the most we have ever seen.

     Wendy got this plant from her mother, Annette, when the latter left on a mission in 1979.  She mistakenly believed that it rarely bloomed, maybe once in 100 years or so.  But actually it blooms quite often, with lots of small wax-like pink blossoms.  The reason it seemed not to ever bloom when Annette possessed it was that the blossoms come on a long stringer without any leaves.  These are sort of ugly and we assume she kept trimming them off before any blossoms could be generated.
    There are no blossoms on the plant at present.

    Wendy acquired this Shamrock plant about 1980 or before.

    Wendy got the ancestor of this plant just after we were married from our neighbor Kris Leavitt.  It is out of control and needs to be divided and repotted, she says.  It sits on a bookcase top right behind my computer chair and seems a little threatening.  I don’t think it would eat me, however.

Just LIke the Family Proclamation

     A few weeks ago, while on the web I noticed a brief note reporting that Amazon, which sells 72% of all the books in this country at this time, had withdrawn (cancelled?) the selling of a a book called “When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment” by Ryan T. Anderson.  It was said that this book had argued against current transgender ideology.
    I experienced a rebellious moment with the thought “No one can tell me what I can or cannot read,” did a quick websearch where I found a small independent bookseller still selling this book and ordered a copy.  It came this week, and it had been a fascinating read.  The author is a young man with a Ph.D. in political philosophy from the University of Notre Dame.  I found the book to be carefully drawn and well-documented in a way that meets every scholarly standard of which I am aware.  It appealed to my professional background and training in ethical human counseling and child welfare.
    The author examines the current popular woke culture assumption that a person can change their gender identity to differ from their biological sex, the transgender phenomenon.  He challenges the Obama era (and proposed Biden) government-enforced assumption that such gender identity can be treated the same legally and culturally as biological sex.  He reports that in the last decade or so that at least 45 gender clinics have opened in our country that have the specialty of treating persons with “gender dysphoria,” using hormone therapy and surgery to alter primary and secondary sexual characteristics.
    Transgender advocates often use the argument that they are preventing suicides by providing such medical therapy, but Dr. Anderson reports that there is considerable evidence that people who subject themselves to such “transition” are no better off as a result.  The high suicide rate continues and many, many of these persons regret having subjected themselves to these drastic procedures and try to transition back to their biological gender.
    Especially troubling are cases in which minor children are identified by adults (parents, school counselors, etc.) as “gender dysphoric” and steered toward or receive transition treatment. There is also the troubling issue of antidiscrimination policies that allow biological males into women’s restrooms and into female sports competition.
    As I was reading a later chapter in the book on recommendations for healthy culture and families, I remarked to Wendy, “This reads just like the Church’s Proclamation on the Family.  It is nothing short of amazing that Amazon feels obligated to protect our society from even reading this.”