Marriage advice

President Danny Henderson of the Mount Zion Branch just contacted us, about what advice I gave to a couple when, as a Bishop, I performed their marriage. I performed about a dozen marriages while Bishop. Here is what I typically said before performing the actual ceremony (sometimes I also gave the couple a written copy of this advice)---

What we are doing here today in creating a marriage is important. Married people live longer. Married people are more successful in their lives and careers. Married people report greater happiness than unmarried people. Even more important, when children are raised together by a happily married couple, they stand the best chance of growing up happy, well-adjusted, and successful. My wife JoAnn and I have been married almost 38 years. We know something of the ups and downs of married life. I would like to draw upon my own experience and suggest six ways to keep your marriage bond strong:

1. When you build up your partner, you help yourself. Love comes and love stays when you treat your partner in a loving way. I do not believe that we fall in or out of love--we grow in love and stay in love IF we treat our partner in a loving way. It’s the way we treat our partner that determines how we feel about our partner. There is absolutely no place for grouchiness, unkindness, yelling, browbeating, or any kind of abuse. When we are in our homes and with our family, we need to live the Golden Rule--our Lord’s recipe for successful relationships: ”Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” When you build up your partner, you help yourself to be happier and keep yourself in love.

2. When your partner is acting their worst, they need your strength and your love the most. Everyone has good moments and bad moments. A smart husband or wife is sensitive to the times when their spouse is not at their best, then makes a special effort to be up-beat, loving, patient, and supportive. This evens out the highs and lows and makes for a more positive family life. When your partner is acting their worst, they need you to be extra strong and loving.

3. If things aren’t going right, change yourself. Many marriages have been wrecked by one of the partners being too anxious to change the other. That just doesn’t work. YOU can only control what YOU do, and feel, and think. If the time comes when things in your marriage relationship aren’t going right, change yourself.

4. “I only have eyes for you.” When we were unattached and fancy free, we could be interested romantically in many people. Marriage requires us to focus all of our romantic interest in our spouse. Strong marriages are based on trust. I absolutely trust my wife to be faithful to me and the marriage vows we made. She has lived to earn my trust. I too have disciplined myself to be only attracted to her. With absolute faithfulness and trust, marriages stay strong, and provide a supportive foundation for the success of each of the partners and happiness and development of children. Now that you are making marriage vows, I urge you to only have eyes for each other.

5. As individuals, never, never, never give up on the promises you are each making today. In society today, there are influences that make it easy for persons to rationalize giving up on a marriage. All marriages have challenging times. The difference in whether a couple succeeds in their marriage may be as a simple as each of the pair refusing, no matter what, to break the marriage promises the individual made. I hope that each of your will resolve to yourself, “I can’t control what anyone else will do. But as for me, I am a person of my word. I promised and I will never, never, never go back on that promise.”

6. The strongest marriages take on God as a partner. Marriages succeed best when each spouse has their own strong moral compass, when the couple shares a deep-felt religious conviction, and when each spouse understands their marriage vow as a sacred covenant, not just made with each other but also involving God as a third partner in the marriage. I urge you to add strength to your marriage by making sure that God is a full partner in your relationship. I pray that He will bless you to this end.
Bishop Robert E. Lewis
Taylorsville Gardens 1st Ward
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
April 16, 2003

Mormon 'mommy blogs' have wide readership

The Deseret News recently reported that “Mormon Mommy” bloggers are being read with interest by a surprising group of non-LDS women (“Mormon 'mommy blogs' getting noticed” by Sara Israelsen-Hartley, Religion News, January 18, 2011; see the origInal article by Emily Matchar “Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs--I'm a young, feminist atheist who can't bake a cupcake. Why am I addicted to the shiny, happy lives of these women?” http://www.salon.com/life/internet_culture/index.html?story=/mwt/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs).

Matchar reports that she and several friends and other women obsessively do a daily read of blogs by “Mormon Mommy” bloggers.

“Their lives are nothing like mine -- I'm your standard-issue late-20-something childless overeducated atheist feminist -- yet I'm completely obsessed with their blogs. On an average day, I'll skim through a half-dozen Mormon blogs, looking at Polaroids of dogs in raincoats or kids in bow ties, reading gratitude lists, admiring sewing projects.

“I'm not alone, either. Two of my closest friends -- both chronically overworked Ph.D. candidates -- procrastinate for hours poring over Nat the Fat Rat or C. Jane Enjoy It. A recent discussion of Mormonism on the blog Jezebel unleashed a waterfall of confessions in the comments section from other young non-religious women similarly riveted by the shiny, happy domestic lives of their Latter-day Saint sisters.

“"They have lovely homes, picture-perfect kids, loving, super-attentive husbands, and things seem very normal and calm," writes a commenter named BrookeD, who admits to reading five Mormon blogs daily.

“"I thought I was the only one!!" responds another commenter.

“"THANK YOU," adds a third. "I'm another closet non-Mormon reader of Mormon mommy blogs."”

Matchar tries to be analytical, objective, and even critical, but still has a strong emotionally fascination that she has a hard time explaining.

“But the basic messages expressed in these blogs -- family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrate the small things -- are still lovely. And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, "Right on." I won't be inviting the missionaries inside for hot cocoa now or ever, but I don't plan on stopping my blog habit any time soon.”

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS ATTRACTION? I know I love to read the blogs belonging to the Mormon Mommies in our Lewis family.

Journal, January 18, 2011

Wendy spent a few days in Newport Beach CA with her faithful girlfriends. She left on Wednesday Jan 5th and got back on Tuesday Jan 11th. They went to one temple session at the Newport Beach temple, toured around, went out to eat several times, and did a lot of visiting. The weather was mild, without the rain that had been so heavy earlier. Here is a picture she took of a beautiful sunset looking out over the Pacific.

While she was gone I had some time to work on Lewis family history. I have been trying to document the descendants of Mary Lewis, a sister of our ancestor William Lewis, and her husband James C. Robertson, who was also a brother of William’s wife, Sarah. The Robertsons moved from Floyd/Patrick county Virginia, to the area of Charleston, Virginia, now West Virginia in the late 1840s and have mostly stayed in that area. They had large families and I have been gathering data about their descendants for about a year now, with the end not really in sight yet. This morning I finished the entry work in PAF of information I had gathered about the descendants of McClelland Erman Canterbury, born 1891, the 5th child Nancy Jane Robertson, born 1869 who was the 2nd child of George Washington Robertson, the 3rd child of James C and Mary.

A couple of my impressions are 1) there is an ever-increasing amount of family history information available on the web:
–Ancestry.com adds new records all the time
–An increasing number of persons are submitting their own family information to ancestry.
–Other web resources are being added, for example in the last few months the State of West Virginia has created a website to display their Vital Records, that is, births, marriages, deaths. This has really enhanced my West Virginia Robertson efforts.
–New family Search has made the search of temple and other Church family history records much more coherent and accessible
2) A lot of the temple work has already been completed for people I am researching. I try to clear names as I enter data about individual families into PAF. I find myself in sort of a gleaning and cleaning mode. Most families in which persons were born prior to about 1900 (this is a sort of cut-off for being able to submit names for temple work) have at least part of the temple work already completed. I mostly make corrections, pick up stragglers, and fill in gaps. Sometimes it is sealings that are yet undone, other times extraction has done the sealings or baptisms leaving other missing ordinances. Or part of a family needs ordinances while some members have their work fully completed. It also appears that the earlier that persons lived, the more likely that their temple work has been completed.

On Sunday, January 9th, I participated for the second week in row in the priesthood ordination of a grandson. This time it was Justin being ordained a Deacon. They did this ordination at Emilie and Scott’s home, because of the new baby. The Bishopric made quite a production of this (in a good way). The Bishops counselor conducted this as a service. Also present was the Bishop himself, the YM 2nd counselor/Scoutmaster and the Deacons President. After an opening prayer, the latter two did a sort of orientation as to the responsibilities of a Deacon. Then they asked me and Emilie for testimonies, and the Bishop also did a sort of welcoming testimony. Finally came the ordination. The whole business made me (and also Justin I assume) feel impressed with the importance that the ward leaders place upon the priesthood and its young men and their efforts and commitment to help the young men to feel wanted in the priesthood. I have had some more interaction with Justin lately and am impressed with his desire to do what is right and how much he is growing and maturing. I am glad that he is in a ward that cares deeply about its young men.

I am working on a project to recertify MB counselors in our ward. We have about 35 persons in the ward who we list as merit badge counselors, but they need to be reregistered. BSA (and maybe also our Council and District) has added requirements, that these persons need to be formally trained in their role, that they must complete scouting’s Youth Protection Training, and that they must submit a signed application (to allow BSA to do a BCI (Bureau of Criminal Identification) check. I attended a training session for Merit Badge Counselors at Round Table last Thursday evening, with the idea that we will do the training of our MB Counselors ourselves in our ward.

The last Monday while Wendy was gone, I went to Ogden and visited my sister Dorothy, staying overnight, then picking Wendy up at the Salt Lake airport Tuesday evening on my way home. Dorothy and I talked a lot about genealogy, worked together on the Guy Lewis records table of contents project, and solved a lot of this country’s political problems.

Remembering Ammon League

My assignments yesterday at the Provo Temple gave me lots of times to reflect and to study the scriptures. A memory of the Ammon League came back to me, from the days when our children were all still home. The Ammon League was made up of persons (namely, myself, Alison, Angela, Valerie, Matthew, and Emilie) who were pledged, like Ammon and his brethren, to wax “strong in the knowledge of the truth,” to search “the scriptures diligently that they might know the word of God.” We hoped that through this study and through “much prayer and fasting [that we might have the] spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, and when [we] taught, [we would teach] with power and authority of God.” (Alma 17:2-3)

In the Ammon League, along with its junior auxiliary Enos’s Eagles (myself, Michael and David, as I recall), we studied the scriptures together on a number of Sunday afternoons. As I thought about this bit of this family lore, I concluded that all members of the Ammon League have remained true to their pledges, and we still “rejoice exceedingly to see” each other, and what adds more to our joy, we each are still "brothers and sisters in the Lord," along with many others we have since added to our fold (Alma 17:2).

Our exemplar, Ammon, was a model of faithfulness, after his conversion. Here are some of the highlights of his exceptional life from the triple combination Index:
• angel appears to A.
• begins preaching the word of God
• with brethren, travels throughout the land
• desires mission to Lamanites
• refuses to be king
• chief among the missionaries
• taken bound to Lamoni
• becomes servant
• saves the king’s flocks
• discerns king’s thoughts
• teaches king
• thanks God, overpowered with joy
• cannot be slain
• ministers to people
• organizes church
• frees brethren from prison
• A’s converts never fall away
• leads his people toward Zarahemla
• is swallowed up in joy
• is provided for through faith
• is a man of God
• A’s faith wrought miracle

I invite comments with recollections of the Ammon League by its members.

Look what's new

We traded in our Town & Country on a new car yesterday. Its a 2010 Chevvie Traverse, a crossover, with 6 seat belts for grandchildren (plus 2 for us), all wheel drive for safety and traction in the snow and ice, fold down seats, roomy back. and many other nice feature. It has a really nice, solid, comfortable big-car feel to it as we have driven it.

The car has 14,000 miles on it and formerly was a Hertz rental car, so we paid some 12-15 thousand less than if brand new. We will miss the Chrysler however--it was a faithful friend. It had almost 187,000 miles on it. Over 90,000 were ours including the 40,000 for our mission.

We drove the Traverse to SCL this morning to take Wendy to the airport. She is going to spend 6 days in California with her close girl friends. These are the ones who stuck by her and were so supportive through the tough years she had. They will stay in a condo in Newport Beach, owned by one of the ladies, Leslie, and her husband. I guess I will make my time pass until next Tuesday by concentrating on family history.

I got some over-the-counter meds (and also advice from Dorothy who is expert) that have greatly the reduced the heartburn problem.

Sunday happenings

We had the Blake kids over Saturday night and took them to their ward meetings Sunday 11-2. Emilie had a very early appointment on Sunday morning to have her baby (C-section). Brandon Lewis Blake was delivered at 8:02 am, 8 lbs 8 oz, 21 1/2 inches. I was relieved that everything went well in the birth and grateful for another handsome grandson.

Justin was recognized and graduated from Primary this day.

Immediately after church we drove everyone over to Mapleton to be a part of Jeremy being ordained a deacon. I am sure proud of Jeremy for preparing himself well for the priesthood and Matthew for such a super job with the ordination.

Later, we took the Blake kids over to Payson to meet their new brother.

Becoming Great Priesthood Men through Scouting

The aims of Boy Scout programs are to develop young men of moral strength and character, good citizenship, and physical, mental and emotional fitness. Our Church uses the scouting programs to prepare its young men to grow in their priesthood, and to lead lives of service to their families, the community and the Church, to become Great Priesthood Men in their adult lives.

We have a tradition of Scouting in our family. Pictured is Grandma JoAnn's Eagle Mother Scarf which we keep in a frame and display in our home. We are so proud of the accomplishments of our sons and grandsons. We add a name and star when a young man in the family completes his Eagle.

At this moment, eleven of our grandsons are in scouting and are using these programs to develop and build themselves for the future (besides having a lot of fun). Here are their reports as to their progress in scouting:
RYAN
Current rank: Life
Need for next rank: (Eagle) Board of Review
Working on now: Report on completed service project submitted, waiting for Eagle Board of Review
How many merit badges: 26, including 12 required
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Doing things with the troop
What is the most important thing you have learned: To keep working at things
JARON
Current rank: Life
Need for next rank: (Eagle) Service project
Working on now: Decide on service project
How many merit badges: 36, including 12 required
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Camping
What is the most important thing you have learned: To be prepared
MCKAY
Current rank: Life
Need for next rank: (Eagle) Service project, finish Citizenship in the Community MB
Working on now: Have written up a Service Project–need to get approval, go to Scouting University in February to finish Citizenship in the Community MB
How many merit badges: 22, including 11 required. Earned 2 historic MBs and 5 scouting anniversary ribbons
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Campouts
What is the most important thing you have learned: Need to be persistent
ERIC
Current rank: Star
Need for next rank: (Life) 2 required MBs
Working on now: Citizenship in the Community and Communications MBs, only 2 or 3 things left on each
How many merit badges: 12, including 5 required
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Outdoor things, campouts
What is the most important thing you have learned: Personal management/budgeting
JEREMY
Current rank: First Class
Need for next rank: (Star) 1 required MB, 4 months leadership assignment, service hours
Working on now: Historic MBs--3 finished, Carpentry ready to pass off
How many merit badges:11, including 3 required
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Everything
What is the most important thing you have learned: Camping skills
JUSTIN
Current rank:Second class
Need for next rank: (First Class) Do a cookout and finish off a couple more requirements
Working on now: Have plan to work with SM and patrol to finish cooking requirement
How many merit badges: 6, including 2 required
What is your favorite thing about scouting: Being out with the guys my age
What is the most important thing you have learned: First aid
JAMISON
Current den: Webelos
What have you finished for your Webelos badge: One more requirement on one item remaining.
How many activity badges have you earned: 3 finished, 6 all but done
What is your favorite thing about cubs: Do lots of fun stuff–especially the sports they do
What is the most important thing you have learned in cubs: First aid and Handyman
JONATHAN
Current den: Webelos
What have you finished for your Webelos badge: (Webelos completed, almost done with Arrow of Light)
How many activity badges have you earned: 12
What is your favorite thing about cubs: Webelos engineer
What is the most important thing you have learned in cubs: Readyman
ETHAN
Current den: Bear
How many achievements have you finished for your Bear: 12 (Bear completed)
How many arrow points have you earned: 3
What is your favorite thing about cubs: Making things
What is the most important thing you have learned in cubs: Everyday things, like service, making things
JOSHUA
Current den: Wolf
How many achievements have you finished for your Wolf: 12 (Wolf completed)
How many arrow points have you earned: 4
What is your favorite thing about cubs: Going and being with my den, fishing with Grandpa
What is the most important thing you have learned in cubs: To do your best
AARON
Current den: Wolf
How many achievements have you finished for your Wolf: 6
How many arrow points have you earned: Still working on Wolf badge
What is your favorite thing about cubs: Everything
What is the most important thing you have learned in cubs: Lots of things

ISN'T THIS ALL GREAT?