President Nelson Story

We heard another fun President Nelson story at our temple shift preparation meeting on Thursday.  President Christianson reported that Elder Oaks had been in the temple the day before to set apart some sealers.  His wife was with him and they came early enough to be able to attend an endowment session before they met with the new sealers.  As they arrived they met briefly with the temple leadership, then were preparing to perform the endowment.  President Christianson told us that Elder Oaks has a bad back, so he offered to direct the Oaks to the elevator so he wouldn’t have to walk up the big staircase that leads to the chapel.  President Oaks thanked him but said he would still take the stairs, “President Nelson would be very unhappy to learn that we took the elevator.”

President Richard Barker’s System for High Quality Home Teaching

    We moved to a new home in Taylorsville, Utah in 1969, and three weeks later I was called as Elders President in our new ward.  I discovered that the Stake President, Richard Barker, had a very serious and elaborate strategy for generating high quality home teaching in his stake.  We had over 100 families assigned to our quorum. Under this program, we achieved nearly 100% of families visited each month and I believe a relatively high level of ministering relationships.  Here are details:
    1) Home teachers averaged about four families each.  In the quorum presidency, we divided the supervision of about 30 home teaching pairs into three districts of about 10 each.
    2) The stake took most of the responsibility for overseeing that all home visits were made.
        a) Every weekend of the month, at about 9 pm on Saturday, I received a call from the High Councilor assigned to our ward, in which I was expected to report on which families assigned to my quorum had already been visited.  He had a current copy of a list of all our families and checked off the ones I reported.  In order to make that report, I and my counselors needed to have made contact, probably earlier in the day or week, with all the senior home teachers we supervised to get information about the status of their visits to their families.
        b) Early on Sunday morning there was a meeting in which these High Counselors reported the month’s home visit progress to President Barker.
        c) This process continued weekly until the full month’s visit report was made.
        d) The goal was 100% of families visited.  Occasionally, our Quorum Presidency made these visits as a back up.
    3) Members of our Quorum Presidency were expected to conduct an accountability interview with each Home Teaching pair monthly.
        a) We generally did these on about the second Sunday, before or after Church, at the churchhouse.
        b) Our quorum secretary arranged the appointments.
        c) We allocated about 15 minutes time for each interview.
        d) Contents of the interview included prayer, discussion of needs of the families, and  identifying goals for work with each family and actions the home teachers planned to take to reach these goals.
        e) We had a small pre-carboned form that the member of the presidency used to take notes on needs, goals and action plans, and shared a copy with the home teachers.
        f) Follow-up meetings, of course, included discussion of progress on goals and plans.
        g) The stake required a report at the end of each month on accountability interviews conducted and expected 100% compliance.
    4) Our Quorum Presidency met monthly with the Bishopric to discuss the needs of our families and strategies for filling these needs, with an emphasis on the quality of the visiting and ministering to our families.
        a) This meeting was usually held mid-month.
        b) It would typically last at least an hour.
        c) It was separate from administrative meetings such as ward council
    5) We were instructed and tried to minimize failure by home teachers.  We recognized that some home teachers had capabilities and limits different than others, and would not be as successful with so many families.  “It looks like in your situation right now having only two assigned families will work best.”  We also recognized that almost every family knew the expectation of at least a monthly visit by their home teachers, and possibly would interpret the lack of visits as not caring, making a ministering relationship more difficult to achieve.   Therefore we did not allow the lack of visiting of a family to continue more than a couple of months, but would reassign these families and give different home teachers a fresh start for building the desired rapport with their assigned families.
    6) I found the atmosphere for working with home teachers under this arrangement comfortable and satisfying.  We were able to counsel home teachers and see them grow.  It seemed to help create a climate in the ward that was positive and supportive.
       I wonder if we might learn something about how to successfully implement the new ministering effort from President Barker's program?

A Conversion Story and Grand Coincidence

On 07-15-2019, Elder Jamison Chandler, serving in the Bakersfield CA, mission, wrote this:
“So this week was our first Zone Conference with President Sandberg and Sister Sandberg. To be honest it was a really cool and powerful Zone Conference. President Sandberg shared a story of his great grandfather who was living in the middle of nowhere in North Dakota all alone. He checked out the Book of Mormon from a library one time and started reading it. Even though he had read many books on the church that were anti he couldn't deny the power and truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. After a couple of years he packed up his stuff to go to Utah so he could be baptized. After getting baptized he moved back to North Dakota, started a family, and raised all his kids in the Gospel. It was a phenomenal story and President Sandberg referred to his great grandfather as a "Book of Mormon convert".

As a grand coincidence, I believe I met President Sandberg, while I was young missionary in the North Central States Mission, serving in Minneapolis, Minnesota.. Late in the evening, on a night in the early weeks of my mission in 1957, as my first missionary companion, Elder Allen Rockhill, and I approached the door of our apartment, we saw a man knocking on our door.  As he turned to us, I was immediately flooded with a strong spiritual impression that this was special and good man.  Elder Rockhill greeted him and introduced him to me as President Sandberg of the Gettysburg, South Dakota branch.  He was visiting in Minneapolis and had decided to see this elder who had very recently served in his area.

Elder Rockhill told me later of President Sandberg’s remarkable conversion story.  Here is how I remember it.  It probably occurred in the 1920s or 1930s.  The Sandberg family like many in the area had migrated from Norway or Sweden a generatation or so before and were by tradition Lutheran.  The Sandberg family had a farm in the vicinity of Gettysburg, and consisted of a father and a mother and two grown sons helping with the work of the farm.  The son who later became the Gettysburg Branch President, had become disillusioned by the Lutheran Church.  But wanting more religious understanding, he investigated other Christian sects but seemed to also find them wanting.  He then decided that he would try to learn more about oriental religions.  One day the family experienced some kind of farm equipment breakdown, and the other brother made plans to go into town to get it repaired.  Brother Sandberg asked him for a favor when he was in Gettysburg, that he go into the little county library and check out some books for him to study on the “isms.”  The brother did this as asked and when he  made the request of the librarian, she said that she only had two books on the “isms.”  They happened to both be about Mormonism.  It turned out that one of the books was a Book of Mormon, probably donated by an earlier missionary traveling in the area.  The other book was an exposé of Brigham Young and his plural wives.  The brother checked these books out and brought them home.

Brother Sandberg saw that the Book of Mormon seem rather complex, with unusual names, etc., so decided that the Brigham Young book might be an better introduction to his study.  However, in just a few pages he determined that the author was contentious and full of antagonism, and decided therefore, that the book was not trustworthy.  He read the entire book but dismissed it.  Then he turned to the study of the Book of Mormon, and soon became convinced that it was true.

I have repeated this story on a number of occasions, to make the point that persons who present arguments with a contentious spirit can probably not be trusted, as one searches for truth.

The story continues, as told by Elder Rockhill.  Brother Sandberg had never met a member of the Church that believed in the Book of Mormon and may not even have known where they existed, but somehow identified that they were headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Wanting further information and contact, he addressed a letter to the leader of the Church, in Salt Lake City.  That mail found its way to someone in a leadership position in the church, and Brother Sandberg received a reply which began a correspondence.  Other literature was provided to him which he studied carefully and continued to be attracted to what he was learning.  Wanting to have contact with people of the Church, he made plans to travel to Utah. 

That fall, after the harvest on the farm had been completed, Brother Sandberg began a drive to Salt Lake City.  He was anxious to finally meet a Latter-day Saint for the first time, and as he crossed over the state line, he stopped for gasoline in Coalville.  Anxiously, he asked the gas station attendant if he were Mormon, and the man threw down his cigarette and answered in the affirmative.  Brother Sandberg continued on, arriving at Temple Square.  He joined a tour group where at the conclusion, the guide asked his guests if they had questions.  Brother Sandberg raised his hand and asked how he could be baptized.  He was soon introduced to other church members and officials in the vicinity of Temple Square, attended meetings on Sunday where he bore a testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and in a few days, left for his home in South Dakota, having been baptized a member of the Church and ordained an elder.

When he got back home, he baptized his girl friend and married her and began to raise a family in the Gospel, and served faithfully and well for many years as President of a branch of the church in his home area of Gettysburg, South Dakota.

This is the story as I remember it, as recited by my companion, Elder Allen Rockhill, of Kamas, Utah.

Readings about Marshal Duke research: Advantages for children who know their family history

https://lairdnortonwm.com/wp-content/uploads/Questions-and-Answers-with-Dr.-Marshall-Duke.pdf

HOW FAMILY STORIES CAN STRENGTHEN AND UNITE© 2017 LNWM  |  801 SECOND AVENUE | SUITE 1600 | SEATTLE WA 98104 | 206.464.5100 | W W W.LAIRDNORTONWM.COMHow do you unite your family in a way that strengthens everyone – young and old – and allows for the responsible passing on of family assets, including wealth? There is no one answer. What we do know is that communication is key. In particular, the telling of family stories can have surprisingly positive effects on those who tell and those who listen, according to Marshall Duke, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Emory University for more than 30 years.Why are family stories so powerful, and what’s the best way to pass them on? In the Q&A below, Dr. Duke offers insights from his research.Marshall, what does your research indicate about family narratives?MD:Our research shows that children who know a lot about their family tend to be more resilient: higher levels of self-esteem, more self-control, better family functioning, lower levels of anxiety, fewer behavioral problems, and better chances for good outcomes when faced with challenges.Why is that? Part of it is that family stories help children frame the question: “Do I come from the kind of family who would do X,Y or Z?” The X, Y or Z can be good, like helping someone in need, or bad like using drugs. This context goes with the child even when the family is not there. So this is very powerful. Through family stories, children develop a sense of what we call the “multi-generational self,” and the personal strength and moral guidance that comes with that. When something challenging happens, they can call on that expanded sense of self to pull through.In your research, you used 20 questions to gauge how much children already know about their families (see boxes on pages 3 and 4). Can people use this "Do You Know" scale to guide their storytelling?MD: These are good things to know. But you cannot take this list, make sure the kids know all the answers, and you’re done. Storytelling is a process. It comes out of time spent together, with certain people doing the telling and other people doing the listening.What kind of family stories should be told to children?MD:  Variety is good. Especially powerful are stories about a family’s specific successes and struggles, and how the family bounced back from challenging times. This helps the younger generations see that they, too, can overcome adversity. MARSHALL P. DUKE, PH.D.is professor of psychology at Emory University. He has authored more than 100 research articles and seven books, with a focus on families and other social learning networks.AN INTERVIEW WITH MARSHALL P. DUKE, PH.D.
HOW FAMILY STORIES CAN STRENGTHEN AND UNITE© 2017 LNWM  |  801 SECOND AVENUE | SUITE 1600 | SEATTLE WA 98104 | 206.464.5100 | W W W.LAIRDNORTONWM.COM2We have found that many family stories revolve around seven basic plots (see box at right). I feel strongly that it would be worthwhile for families to reach back into their individual and collective memories to retrieve stories of all seven kinds to pass on to the children. I would never say tell the kids everything. You must be able to frame the story positively and judge that your listener is able to absorb the story. There are some family stories that are not transmitted beyond one generation. Or do not get divulged until the children are 25, or even 40 or 50. But I also know that if kids learn about difficult things, hard things that do not have a good outcome, what they learn is that we can live with that. And that’s a good thing. When should families tell stories?MD: It’s going to vary from family to family, but usually what we call the family’s Prime Time. If not dinner, then breakfast. It could be in a car, on a trip. The biggest opportunities are special events like the holidays, birthdays, family reunions, where extended family is together and not getting pulled away by various things. What if the older generations do not like to tell stories. How do you encourage them?MD: It’s really important for grandparents, as well as parents and others, to realize that telling stories is life-affirming. So there’s mutual benefit here. It’s not all a one-way.Very often, as grandparents get older, they’re more willing to talk about what happened to them. Parents should realize it’s more powerful if the grandchildren ask; they’re less likely to get turned down. I would also encourage giving the grandparents a notebook or something they can fill out, when they choose. There’s actually a family who came up with sample notebooks called GrandStories. Unlike emails and even video, written material is something that people tend to hold on to. A genealogy service like Ancestry.com can provide a starting point, as well. Usually one or two people in the family get hooked on researching and finding things to bring to family gatherings.  A marriage certificate, the address of the great grandparents in Chicago, the first place they lived in Seattle. All sorts of stories can come out of that, as you go find the place on Google earth or even drive by. Who should tell family stories? MD:I’d say all the adults in the family should get into storytelling in whatever way they can. For two reasons. First is that everybody has stories that other people don’t have. And second, people tend to have different versions of the same story. Grandma might say this was a terrible thing that happened but dad might think it wasn’t so bad. This sort of thing teaches kids perspective. Seven Types ofFamily StoriesOvercoming the monster – living through natural disasters, discrimination, war, etc.Quests – leaving your comfort zone in search of somethingVoyage and return – returning to normal life after being terribly hurt or injuredRags to riches, riches to rags – Financial successes, financial failuresTragedies – terrible things that happen in every family, with no upsideComedies – stories that make you laugh (misunderstandings, coincidences, etc.)Rebirth – big emotional and/or mental struggles that lead to new take on life 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.AN INTERVIEW WITH MARSHALL P. DUKE, PH.D.
HOW FAMILY STORIES CAN STRENGTHEN AND UNITE© 2017 LNWM  |  801 SECOND AVENUE | SUITE 1600 | SEATTLE WA 98104 | 206.464.5100 | W W W.LAIRDNORTONWM.COM3Our research shows that grandmothers actually do much of the storytelling. But let’s face it. Grandfathers, uncles, cousins are just as good. It’s not any more potent to learn a story from your grandmother than other close relatives.Be mindful that when you tell a story, you’re always choosing to add value by simply selecting the story to tell, and also how you frame it. Two families may have gone on the exact same vacation. One can come back saying it was horrendous – bad flight, terrible hotel, etc. – while the other thinks all that was a great adventure. How can families start telling stories if they haven’t already?MD: Consider using an event when the extended family gets together, like Thanksgiving, to say something like: “You know how we have turkey and cranberry sauce every year? Here’s another tradition: we’re going to tell family stories.”Be sure to ask the kids, if they are old enough, what they’d like to know. Very often kids don’t ask questions, either because they don’t understand the information could be important to them. Or because they don’t want to place mom, dad, grandma or grandpa into uncomfortable situations. Do not mind if the kids roll their eyes at this. Just have them sit down and listen. If you do 30 minutes a day over Thanksgiving vacation, that’s a lot of time. And do as little moralizing as possible. If someone is resilient in a story, the kids will know that. If good values are applied, they will know that. Kids are entertained by stories they might read or see on TV. But when they hear stories about what happened to people in their family, they are strengthened.What if grandparents and relatives live far away?MD: There are now quite a few digital ways to see each other and talk, like on Skype or FaceTime. This can happen as often as people want, and it’s up to the parents to set it up. The grandparent can even say: “Here’s my story for today; let me tell you about Uncle Bob...” Eventually, the kids might say, “Oh, you told me that already!” Now that should be music to the grandparents’ ears; it means they’re carrying the story. What about in situations of divorce, adoption and single-parent households?MD:Family structure does not really matter. If a child is adopted into a family, the stories in that family belong to that child just as much as a biological child. If there is a second marriage, and there are stepmothers and stepfathers, those stories belong to the children as well. It’s just a richer set of stories. The more stories the kids can have about people dealing with situations in life that are not always great, the better.The Do You Know Scale (Questions 1 - 10)Do you know...1.  how your parents met?2.where your mother grew up?3.  where your father grew up?4.  where some of your     grandparents grew up?5.  where some of your     grandparents met?6.  where your parents were     married?7.  what went on when you     were being born?8.  the source of your name?9.  some things about what     happened when your brothers     or sisters were being born?10. which person in your family      you look most like?AN INTERVIEW WITH MARSHALL P. DUKE, PH.D.
HOW FAMILY STORIES CAN STRENGTHEN AND UNITE© 2017 LNWM  |  801 SECOND AVENUE | SUITE 1600 | SEATTLE WA 98104 | 206.464.5100 | W W W.LAIRDNORTONWM.COM4Imbalance is OK. If you look at any family, you’ll find that dad’s or mom’s side tends to predominate. I would not worry about that. In fact, we’re not linking the stories to only what this family does. Your family encompasses mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, neighbors. It’s about learning how people close to you behave in situations that arise in life.How can families use stories to foster self-motivation and guard against entitlement?MD: Clearly, what is above and beyond storytelling is modeling the behavior. The older generation wants to remember that they’re being watched. And the kids who are watching them are learning from them. With storytelling, I think it’s very important to show the impact of actions. It’s important to show that some actions take a long time to show results – 20, 40 or even 50 years. I think of this as planting almond trees, which don’t mature for 70 or 80 years, but you plant them anyway. Then we have radishes, which I planted with my grandkids when they were very young, so we could pick them in three weeks.We should tell almond stories and radish stories. Things that will mature quickly so we can see the impact. And also some other things that take much longer.To kids in college or just starting out in life, what do you say? MD:College-age kids can absorb stories at a pretty high level and at a higher rate. I’m sure that they’ve gotten some family stories. But if they haven’t, I think they need to spend time with the grandparents. Or have things written down they can be given. It’s not too late.Kids have a responsibility TO their family. And they have a responsibility FOR their family. And the best way to understand how that responsibility applies to them is to know the story of the family, the reputation of the family and the values of the family. You can say it straight to a college kid: The Do You Know Scale (Questions 11 - 20)Do you know...11.  which person in the family you act most like?12.  some of the illnesses and injuries your parents experienced when they were younger?13.  some of the lessons thatyour parents learned from good or bad experiences?14.  some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?15.  the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc)16.  some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?17.  some awards that your parents received when they were young?18.  the names of the schools that your mom went to?19.  the names of the schools that your dad went to?20.  about the relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?**Substitute any family myth.“Look, ultimately this falls on you.”  Someday, today’s college kids might be making life and death decisions about the parents. So as parents, we have to teach them to apply values we think are important.Is it OK to make up stories? MD: No! You can embellish, emphasize or elaborate. We all do that. But fabricating a story is not a good idea. It's dishonest and eventually you’ll get caught, especially as you get older and forget to whom you told what.AN INTERVIEW WITH MARSHALL P. DUKE, PH.D.
HOW FAMILY STORIES CAN STRENGTHEN AND UNITE© 2017 LNWM  |  801 SECOND AVENUE | SUITE 1600 | SEATTLE WA 98104 | 206.464.5100 | W W W.LAIRDNORTONWM.COM5M A R S H A L L   P.   D U K E ,the Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology at Emory University, received his B.A. in general psychology from Rutgers University and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Indiana University. Following two years of service as a psychologist in the United States Army, he joined the Emory faculty in 1970. He has studied a variety of family issues, first as a member of Emory’s psychology faculty, then as a core faculty member with The Emory Center for Myth and Ritual in American Life (MARIAL). He is the author of more 100 research articles and seven books, including Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In and Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success.ABOUT LAIRD NORTON WEALTH MANAGEMENTWith nearly $5 billion in assets under management, Laird Norton Wealth Management is the Northwest’s premier wealth management company. Founded in 1967 to serve the financial management needs of the Laird and Norton families, the firm now provides integrated wealth management solutions to more than 600 individuals, families, business leaders, private foundations and nonprofit organizations.DISCLOSUREThe information presented here does not constitute and should not be construed as legal advice, as an endorsement of any party or any investment product or service, or as an offer to buy or sell any investment product or service. The views and solutions described may not be suitable for all investors. All opinions expressed are those of Laird Norton Wealth Management and are current only as of the date appearing on this material.Laird Norton Wealth Management is comprised of two distinct entities that may offer similar services to clients. Laird Norton Trust Company is a State of Washington chartered trust company. Its wholly owned subsidiary, Laird Norton Tyee Asset Strategies, LLC, is an investment advisor registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission.What else can families do foster a sense of shared identity?MD: A couple days ago, a family wrote me that they decided to create a family motto based on a talk I gave a few years back. It took a long time, but they came up with one and even had it embroidered on a patch. And their motto is ALL FORWARD. If they’re in the car and the kids are bickering, the dad says ALL FORWARD. And they stop fighting because they realize this isn’t doing us any good.Any family can do this. Everybody can come up with suggestions and you pick one to try for a month or even a year. If you like it, OK; if not tweak it. It’s a way of saying “this is who we are,” not only you but the extended family and the historical family. This can actually help children make good decisions in their lives.And it’s fun!MD: Yes, very fun. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/255713247_The_power_of_family_history

The Power of Family History
by Judy A. Rollins, PhD, RN
       Yesterday we booked a beach house for our annual family vacation. For one week in August, three generations of Rollins will swim together, make sand castles and sand candles together, eat together, and-according to research, perhaps most important of all-share stories.
       According to Fivush, Bohanek, and Duke (2008), regular family dinners, yearly vacations, and holiday celebrations contribute to the development of a strong sense of intergenerational self. This intergenerational self and the strength and guidance that seem to derive from it are associated with children's increased resilience, better adjustment, and improved likelihood of overcoming challenges.
       It is what happens during these events that is key: family storytelling. Sharing stories-stories about parents and grandparents, triumphs and failures-provides powerful models for children. Children understand who they are in the world through both their individual experience and through the filters of family stories that provide a sense of identity through historical time (Fiviush et al., 2008; Norris, Kuiack, & Pratt, 2004; Pratt & Fiese, 2004).

Family Stories
      Most family narratives take one of three shapes (M. Duke, in Feiler, 2013):
    • Ascending family narrative - "Son, when we came to this country, we had nothing. Our family worked. We opened a store. Your grandfather went to high school. Your father went to college. And now you ... "
    • Descending family narrative - "Sweetheart, we used to have it all. Then we lost everything."
    • Oscillating family narrative - "Dear, let me tell you, we've had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house bum down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family."
       The third narrative is the most healthful. Children learn that when faced with a challenge, families can just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. Families typically have stories featuring family heroes, people who faced the worst and made it through. This sense of continuity and relatedness to heroes seems to serve the purpose in children of making them more resilient (Kurylo, n.d.).
       Additionally, family stories help children by evoking pride, personal history, a sense of connectedness, and feelings of being special, even in the most ordinary family:
    Ordinary families can be special because they each have a history no other family has. They all have Uncle So and So, they all have Aunt So and So. They all have a brother who went off and did this adventure, and everyone has a story that no one else has. So if you know that, it makes you special. It's a fingerprint. (M. Duke, in Kurylo, n.d.)
       Most often family stories are transferred by mothers and grandmothers, typically told during family dinners, family vacations, family holidays, and the like. Stories may differ by gender; mothers tell stories about their own childhood richer in emotion and social relationships, while fathers . tell stories that are more achievement-oriented (Fivush, Duke, & Bohanek, 2010).
"Do You Know ... "
       While preparing to initiate the Family Narratives Project at the Sloan Center for the Study of Myth and Ritual in American Life (MARIAL) at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush interviewed a veteran clinician with 30 years in practice. She told them, "I can tell which kids I'm working with are most likely to respond to treatment and benefit most from educational plans and adjustments. It's the ones who know about their family history" (Duke, Lazarus, & Fivush, 2008, p. 268). She routinely asks children and adolescents a few questions, such as where their parents met or what sorts of jobs their grandparents had, and has observed over the years that those who knew such information have much stronger positive prognoses and better outcomes.
       To assess the efficacy of their colleague's observation, Duke and Fivush developed a more formal, quantitative measure of family knowledge - a selection of 20 questions they called the "Do You Know?" scale (Duke, Fivush, Lazarus, & Bohanek, 2003) (to see the questions, visit http:/ /www. huffingtonpost.com/marshall-pduke/the-stories-that-bind-us-b _2918 975.html). In developing the questions, the major criterion for inclusion was that the question test knowledge of things children could not possibly have learned first hand, either because they happened before the children were born or they involved family members who were less familiar to them than parents and grandparents (Duke, 2013). Thus, the children who know the information would have had to receive it from others through stories, writings, or other indirect sources.
       The scale has been used in studies longside multiple standardized measures of family functioning, identity development, and well-being. Findings indicate that knowledge of family history is significantly correlated with internal locus of control, higher self-esteem, better family functioning, greater family cohesiveness, lower levels of anxiety, and lower incidence of behavior problems (Duke et al., 2008; Fivush et al., 2010).
Implications for Pediatric Nursing
       Understanding the power of family history opens new possibilities for those of us dedicated to improving the lives of children and families. A family is a team, and in recent years, many new techniques have been introduced to help teams function more effectively. For example, many high-tech companies and the military are employing sense-making, the building of a narrative that explains what the group is about. Feiler (2013) suggests that the single most important thing we can do for our family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative. However, the complexities of modem family life may make this a challenging undertaking (Duke, 2013).
       To hear family stories, people need to sit down with one another and not be distracted. Some people have to talk and some have to listen. The stories need to be told over and over, and the times of sitting together need to be multiple and occur over many years.
       M. Duke points out that parents are often busy doing things that they think are useful for their children and their family, but in fact, what is happening is that family members are growing very separate from each other (M. Duke, in Kurylo, n.d.). Pediatric nurses can help parents become aware of the value of telling their children family stories. Although the nightly traditional family dinner is extinct in many households, parents can take advantage of moments together with their children in the car, over a snack, or at bedtime.
       The "Do You Know?" scale appears to significantly predict adjust ment and resiliency in children facing external stressors (Duke et al., 2003). Could this scale, which takes less than five minutes to administer, become a valuable tool for pediatric nurses to use to quickly assess children to provide insight about those who might require higher levels of support?
       Finally, it is important to remember that as part of the lives of the children in our care, however briefly, we become part of their family's history. We can use this opportunity to shape some meaningful memories that will become part of the family's narrative and be passed on for generations to come. 
References
Duke, M. (2013, March 23). The stories that bind us: What are the twenty questions? Huffington Post: Parents. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ marshall-p-duke/the-stories-that-bindus-_b_2918975.html
Duke, M., Fivush, R., Lazarus, A., & Bohanek, J. (2003). Of ketchup and kin: Dinnertime conversations as a major source of family knowledge, family adjustment, and family resilience. Retrieved from http://www.marial.ernory. edu/pdfs/Duke_Fivush027-03.pdf
Duke, M., Lazarus, A., & Fivush, R. (2008).  Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological wellbeing and prognosis: A brief report. Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 45, 268-272.

Feiler, B. (2013, March 15). The stories that bind us. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/ 2013/03/17 /fashion/the-family-storiesthat-bind-us-this-life.html ?pagewanted=all&_r=O
Fivush, R., Bohanek, J., & Duke, M. (2008). The intergenerational self: Subjective perspective and family history. In F. Sani (Ed.), Individual and collective self continuity. New York, NY: Psychology Press.
Fivush, R., Duke, M., & Bohanek, J. (2010).
"Do you know ... " The power of family history in adolescent identity and wellbeing. Journal of Family Life. Retrieved from http://www.journaloffamilylife.org/ doyouknow.html#
Kurylo, E. (n.d.). Family storytelling may be key to resilience in children. MAR/AL profile: Marshall Duke. Retrieved from http://www.marial.emory.edu/faculty/pro files/duke.html
Norris, J.E., Kuiack, S., & Pratt, M.W. (2004). 
"As long as they go back down the driveway at the end of the day": Stories of the satisfactions and challenges on grandparenthood. In M.W. Pratt & B.H. Fiese (Eds.), Family stories and the life course: Across time and generations (pp. 353-373). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
Pratt, M.W., & Fiese, B.H. (2004). Family stories and the life course: Across time and generations. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
PEDIATRIC NURSING/May-June 2013/Vol. 39/No. 3 https://growingleaders.com/blog/the-link-between-family-history-and-resilience-in-students/  

The Link Between Family History and Resilience in Students
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       Yesterday, I posted a blog about the connection between students who know history well and their ability to display resilience. It might seem like a strange correlation, but a growing body of research now connects the two. When I know my history, I feel part of something larger and can be inspired to play my role. I’m encouraged by those who lived in tougher times and can learn from their mistakes. In a day like today—when resilience seems to be waning and stress is high—this is huge.
       Today, I’d like to dig deeper on where this idea begins.  Interestingly enough, it doesn’t stem purely from knowing modern history, or even American history. It actually begins with a healthy family history. I first read about this idea when research was done on it at Emory University. New York Times writer Bruce Feiler tells the story of Dr. Marshall Duke, a prominent psychologist at Emory University in Atlanta (where I live). During the 90s, Dr. Duke was tasked with researching the nature of “myth and ritual in American families.” From his work, Dr. Duke discovered that one of the most important things a family can do is to develop a strong family narrative.
       “There was a lot of research at the time into the dissipation of the family,” he says. “But we were more interested in what families could do to counteract those forces.” So Dr. Duke set out to help families build and talk about their history. It proved to be quite a breakthrough.
       During this same period of time, Dr. Duke’s wife, Sara — a psychologist who specializes in children with learning disabilities — made a similar discovery about her students.
       “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she said. Wow. What a coincidence.
       Digging deeper into the research, Feiler’s article reveals further insights about this issue. “Dr. Duke said children who have the most self-confidence have what he and Dr. Fivush call a strong ‘intergenerational self.’ They know they belong to something bigger than themselves. Leaders in other fields have found similar results. Many groups use what sociologists call sense-making, the building of a narrative that explains what the group is about.”
       Feiler goes on to cite the work of Jim Collins (author of Good to Great), noting that “successful human enterprises of any kind, from companies to countries, go out of their way to capture their core identity.” In Jim Collins’ terms, they “preserve the core, while stimulating progress.”
       Additionally, Collins also argues that the same truth applies to families, recommending that families “create a mission statement similar to the ones companies … use to identify their core values.”
Six Steps We Can Take
If this research is indeed true, then what should we do? How can we begin to build a sense of history into our families, our classes, and our teams? Let me begin to answer these questions below with a few basic strategies:

1. Tell the tales of the past.
Take time at meals or holidays to share funny or engaging family stories. At our house, we enjoy reminiscing about past trips, experiences and mishaps.
2. Start customs and traditions.
Create unique practices that are specific to your family, things you can do on holidays, vacations, etc. We have several “Elmore customs” like popcorn night, boat-time, and service trips.
3. Create a list of values and how you can practice them.
Our family met and came up with a set of values we’d all embrace. We chose to practice service, trust, good attitudes, hospitality, faith and risk-taking.
4. Begin using language that is exclusive to your family.
Note what funny or interesting terms are used and refer back to them. We have hilarious phrases, catchwords and rhymes that are for our ears only.
5. Refer to past history when current events align.
When facing a new situation, share how it reminds you of former events. My kids know the details of stories from the lives of their parents and grandparents.
6. Celebrate milestones together.
Healthy families are full of celebrations of achievement for new life stations. Birthdays, graduations, grades and performances are all remembered.
I welcome your additions to this conversation. Are there ways you’ve succeeded in sharing your family’s history with your kids? https://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html
The Stories That Bind Us
Families may want to create a mission statement similar to the ones many companies use to identify their core values.
By Bruce Feiler, March 15, 2013
       I hit the breaking point as a parent a few years ago. It was the week of my extended family’s annual gathering in August, and we were struggling with assorted crises. My parents were aging; my wife and I were straining under the chaos of young children; my sister was bracing to prepare her preteens for bullying, sex and cyberstalking.
       Sure enough, one night all the tensions boiled over. At dinner, I noticed my nephew texting under the table. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help myself and asked him to stop.
       Ka-boom! My sister snapped at me to not discipline her child. My dad pointed out that my girls were the ones balancing spoons on their noses. My mom said none of the grandchildren had manners. Within minutes, everyone had fled to separate corners.
       Later, my dad called me to his bedside. There was a palpable sense of fear I couldn’t remember hearing before.
       “Our family’s falling apart,” he said.
       “No it’s not,” I said instinctively. “It’s stronger than ever.”
       But lying in bed afterward, I began to wonder: Was he right? What is the secret sauce that holds a family together? What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, happy?
       It turns out to be an astonishingly good time to ask that question. The last few years have seen stunning breakthroughs in knowledge about how to make families, along with other groups, work more effectively.
       Myth-shattering research has reshaped our understanding of dinnertime, discipline and difficult conversations. Trendsetting programs from Silicon Valley and the military have introduced techniques for making teams function better.
       The only problem: most of that knowledge remains ghettoized in these subcultures, hidden from the parents who need it most. I spent the last few years trying to uncover that information, meeting families, scholars and experts ranging from peace negotiators to online game designers to Warren Buffett’s bankers.
       After a while, a surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative.
       I first heard this idea from Marshall Duke, a colorful psychologist at Emory University. In the mid-1990s, Dr. Duke was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families.
       “There was a lot of research at the time into the dissipation of the family,” he told me at his home in suburban Atlanta. “But we were more interested in what families could do to counteract those forces.”

       Around that time, Dr. Duke’s wife, Sara, a psychologist who works with children with learning disabilities, noticed something about her students.
       “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she said.
       Her husband was intrigued, and along with a colleague, Robyn Fivush, set out to test her hypothesis. They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions.
       Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?
       Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and taped several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.
       “We were blown away,” Dr. Duke said.
       And then something unexpected happened. Two months later was Sept. 11. As citizens, Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush were horrified like everyone else, but as psychologists, they knew they had been given a rare opportunity: though the families they studied had not been directly affected by the events, all the children had experienced the same national trauma at the same time. The researchers went back and reassessed the children.
       “Once again,” Dr. Duke said, “the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”
       Why does knowing where your grandmother went to school help a child overcome something as minor as a skinned knee or as major as a terrorist attack?
       “The answers have to do with a child’s sense of being part of a larger family,” Dr. Duke said.
       Psychologists have found that every family has a unifying narrative, he explained, and those narratives take one of three shapes.
       First, the ascending family narrative: “Son, when we came to this country, we had nothing. Our family worked. We opened a store. Your grandfather went to high school. Your father went to college. And now you. ...”
       Second is the descending narrative: “Sweetheart, we used to have it all. Then we lost everything.”
       “The most healthful narrative,” Dr. Duke continued, “is the third one. It’s called the oscillating family narrative: ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”
       Dr. Duke said that children who have the most self-confidence have what he and Dr. Fivush call a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.
       Leaders in other fields have found similar results. Many groups use what sociologists call sense-making, the building of a narrative that explains what the group is about.
       Jim Collins, a management expert and author of “Good to Great,” told me that successful human enterprises of any kind, from companies to countries, go out of their way to capture their core identity. In Mr. Collins’s terms, they “preserve core, while stimulating progress.” The same applies to families, he said.
       Mr. Collins recommended that families create a mission statement similar to the ones companies and other organizations use to identify their core values.
       The military has also found that teaching recruits about the history of their service increases their camaraderie and ability to bond more closely with their unit.
       Cmdr. David G. Smith is the chairman of the department of leadership, ethics and law at the Naval Academy and an expert in unit cohesion, the Pentagon’s term for group morale. Until recently, the military taught unit cohesion by “dehumanizing” individuals, Commander Smith said. Think of the bullying drill sergeants in “Full Metal Jacket” or “An Officer and a Gentleman.”
       But these days the military spends more time building up identity through communal activities. At the Naval Academy, Commander Smith advises graduating seniors to take incoming freshmen (or plebes) on history-building exercises, like going to the cemetery to pay tribute to the first naval aviator or visiting the original B-1 aircraft on display on campus.
       Dr. Duke recommended that parents pursue similar activities with their children. Any number of occasions work to convey this sense of history: holidays, vacations, big family get-togethers, even a ride to the mall. The hokier the family’s tradition, he said, the more likely it is to be passed down. He mentioned his family’s custom of hiding frozen turkeys and canned pumpkin in the bushes during Thanksgiving so grandchildren would have to “hunt for their supper,” like the Pilgrims.
       “These traditions become part of your family,” Dr. Duke said.
       Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively. But talking doesn’t mean simply “talking through problems,” as important as that is. Talking also means telling a positive story about yourselves. When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence.
       The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come. http://mycanvasblog.com/family-history-resilience/
Family History Leads to Personal Resilience
       There is real power in learning about the lives of our ancestors. One study found that children who know about their family history are more resilient than those who don’t. The study began when Marshall Duke, a psychologist at Emory University at the time, was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families. Says he, “There was a lot of research at the time into the dissipation of the family, but we were more interested in what families could do to counteract those forces.”
       As Dr. Duke was exploring options, his wife, Sara, had an interesting observation. Sara, a psychologist working with children facing learning disabilities, noticed an interesting trend among her students. “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges.”
       To test whether family history and resilience were related, the pair developed a “Do You Know?” scale of 20 questions asking children about their ancestors, such as “Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know the story of your birth?” These questions, along with recorded dinner table conversations, given to over 40 families found that there was, indeed, an “overwhelming conclusion.” The more children knew about their family’s history, the higher their self-esteem.
       Of this finding, Dr. Duke said, “We were blown away.”
       But what is it about family history that makes children resilient?
Survival is Possible
       Family History stories can show that no matter what a family has gone through, good, bad, or ugly, the ancestors survived, and so can family members today. Dr. Duke explains, “It’s called the oscillating family narrative: ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”
       That heritage of uniting with family, and pushing through hard times together no matter what unexpected bumps appear in the road, teaches children that they too, can push through hard times.
Part of Something Bigger
       Children who know their ancestors and history are given a knowledge that they are not the only person who has ever gone through hard times, but that’s not the only benefit.
       Writer and best-selling author, A.J. Jacobs, shared that when his family learned they were related to Albert Einstein, they became much more interested in history. Jacobs said that to them, it was like, “Oh, it’s Uncle Albert. Let’s figure out what he said.”
       In addition to better relating to the past, those who seriously invest themselves in family history gain a lot of skills useful to the present. Recording Family History means using spelling, fact checking, source siting, computer skills, research skills, and more. It also has the power to increase confidence and self worth as those skills are mastered.
       Are you interested in getting your kids involved in your family’s history? Here are four fun ways to get them started.
Stories
       Bring the past to life by sharing the stories behind old photographs and family heirlooms. Having something tangible that your child can look at, hold, and relate to will engage their senses. Make an adventure out of exploring the attic, basement, or closet for family heirlooms, or create your own.
Family Recipes
       If your family is fond of cooking, try digging out those old recipe books from when you or your parents were kids. As you make the dishes together, you can share stories from the past and other memories that involve the dish. Food is a great bonding tool. Once the meal is made, your entire family can sit down together and create more memories as they talk about their day.
       Or, consider collecting your child’s favorite old (and current) recipes. Together, you can compile them into a cook book that your child helps decorate. Then, your child can have a piece of history to call their own.
Personal Histories
       Family history includes family members from both the past and the present. Help your kids record their own histories! Let children choose their own journal, photo album, or scrapbook, and then help provide them with the materials they need to record memories. Buttons, ribbons, and stickers make great embellishments for personal histories, while the easy access of camera phones means anyone can take pictures! For older children who already have a large store of electronic photos, consider creating a photo book online. MyCanvas.com provides free templates with themes and embellishments that make crating personal histories fun and easy! Access those templates in the photo book section. Or, if you or your children have an Ancestry.com account, simply log in through MyCanvas to download your history automatically, then decorate with electronic embellishments, or expound on details by including your own text narrative!
Indexing
       Older kids may enjoy the satisfaction of getting started on family history work by indexing. Indexing is a fun, easy way to record histories from all over the world by using a computer to transcribe old documents into an electronic format everyone can access. To learn more, see this Indexing Overview.
       How do you involve your kids in family history? https://www.familysearch.org/blog/en/family-history-2/
Why We Need Family History Now More Than Ever
September 26, 2017 
by Rachel Coleman
       Knowing, recording, and preserving your family history directly impacts you, your family, and even future generations of people you may never know. Find out how and why family history matters.
       “A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.” —Marcus Garvey
       The United States celebrates October as National Family History Month and for good reason. Knowing, recording, preserving, and sharing our family histories can provide countless benefits to individuals, families, and entire societies. Family history is more than pedigree charts, censuses, and birthdates—it can be a powerful antidote against adverse life experiences that we face today, giving us a stronger understanding of who we are and motivating us to deepen our roots for generations to come.
Core Identity
       Knowing our cultural background and where we came from can help us develop a strong sense of who we really are. The way we relate to our family stories and create our own narratives about ourselves helps establish our unique, authentic core identity.
Connection
       Forming relationships with family past, present, and future can fill an innate need in us.Human beings desire attachment, belonging, and connection. The relationships we form with other people can be incredibly durable, not only with people in our present, but also with people in our past and future. The more we discover about our past, the greater a connection we feel to our ancestors. As we record our own history, we open the opportunity for future generations to connect with us when we are gone.
       In a popular TED talk entitled, Everything You Think You Know about Addiction Is Wrong, British journalist Johann Hari teaches that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection. Connecting with members of our family past and present by learning their history fills an innate need in each one of us.
Compassion
       Learning the history of our ancestors helps us gain a greater understanding of the challenges they faced, and it often inspires greater love and compassion for their flaws and mistakes. This compassion can easily translate to our relationships with the living, within our families and outside them. We all face hard things. Remembering that fact in the context of others’ shortcomings allows us to be better employees, managers, spouses, parents, children, siblings, and human beings.
Resilience
       Knowing our family history builds resilience. In learning about our ancestors’ lives, we can see patterns of overcoming failures and surviving hard times. Their stories remind us that surely not everything in life will work easily, that disappointments occur and inequalities exist, but that we can recover, triumph, and find happiness despite hardships.
Knowing our family history can foster a sense of identity and who we are.
        Bruce Feiler, in an article for the New York Times, summarizes a study about the resilience of children: “The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. [It] turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.”      
Selflessness
       How records and family history impact generations to come.William Dade was an 18th-century cleric in Yorkshire, England. Although he never married and had no children of his own, he promoted the practice of including as much information as possible in parish registers. Because of his efforts, many registers of this period contain rich information for genealogists. Amy Harris, a family history professor at Brigham Young University, refers to this type of selfless effort as genealogical consciousness. The act of being aware of and having a sense of responsibility to our ancestors, progenitors, and all of future humankind is an act of altruistic selflessness.
       The ability to cooperate and act selflessly is unique to humanity. Harris teaches that it is what allows us to harness the “power of millions and billions.” Learning our history, recording it, and preserving it blesses not only our related family, but the entire human family.
Self-Worth
       How family history and family relationships strengthen you.As we dive into our own family histories, we see events unfold on both a large scale and a personal scale. Contemplating the enormity of mankind while reading about the hand of the Lord in our ancestors’ lives bears record to us of His concern and immense love for each of us personally. Our worth and value is great in His sight. We are loved and known by Him.
       Our family history goes beyond the names and dates we find in our tree. It’s about what makes us who we are. It’s about people with whom we can form deep connections. It’s about people who lived and breathed and suffered and triumphed. It’s about roots and branches and leaves and entire forests. It’s about all of us. https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2013/12/what-kids-learn-from-hearing-family-stories/282075/
What Kids Learn From Hearing Family Stories
Elaine Reese  Dec 9, 2013
       “Dad, tell me a story from when you were little. Tell me the story about the time you met your best friend Chris at school.” Six-year-old Alex, who has just started school himself, snuggles into his pillow and catches his dad’s hand in the dark. They have finished the nightly reading of Tin Tin and now it’s time for “just one more story” before Alex goes to sleep.
       Most parents know about the benefits of reading stories from books with their young children. Parents are blasted with this message in pediatricians’ offices, at preschool, on TV, even with billboards on the city bus. Reading books with children on a daily basis advances their language skills, extends their learning about the world, and helps their own reading later in school. Reading with your child from a young age can instill a lifelong love of books. A new study published in Science even shows that reading literary fiction improves adults’ ability to understand other people’s emotions.
       Reading books with your children is clearly a good idea.
       The cozy image of cuddling up with your young child while poring over a book, however, doesn’t fit with reality for some parents and children. Parents from some cultures are not as comfortable reading with their children because books were not part of their everyday lives growing up. For other parents, reading with children is a fraught activity because of their own negative experiences learning to read. And for some highly active children, sitting down with a book is a punishment, not a reward. Fortunately, parents can learn new ways of reading books with their children to engage even the most irascible customer–and to engage themselves.
       Yet what most parents don’t know is that everyday family stories, like the one that Alex’s dad spun out that night, confer many of the same benefits of reading–and even some new ones.
       Over the last 25 years, a small canon of research on family storytelling shows that when parents share more family stories with their children—especially when they tell those stories in a detailed and responsive way—their children benefit in a host of ways. For instance, experimental studies show that when parents learn to reminisce about everyday events with their preschool children in more detailed ways, their children tell richer, more complete narratives to other adults one to two years later compared to children whose parents didn’t learn the new reminiscing techniques. Children of the parents who learned new ways to reminisce also demonstrate better understanding of other people’s thoughts and emotions. These advanced narrative and emotional skills serve children well in the school years when reading complex material and learning to get along with others. In the preteen years, children whose families collaboratively discuss everyday events and family history more often have higher self-esteem and stronger self-concepts. And adolescents with a stronger knowledge of family history have more robust identities, better coping skills, and lower rates of depression and anxiety. Family storytelling can help a child grow into a teen who feels connected to the important people in her life.
       Best of all, unlike stories from books, family stories are always free and completely portable. You don’t even need to have the lights on to share with your child a story about your day, about their day, about your childhood or their grandma’s. In the research on family storytelling, all of these kinds of stories are linked to benefits for your child. Family stories can continue to be part of a parent’s daily interactions with their children into adolescence, long past the age of the bedtime story.
       All families have stories to tell, regardless of their culture or their circumstances. Of course, not all of these stories are idyllic ones. Research shows that children and adolescents can learn a great deal from stories of life’s more difficult moments–as long as those stories are told in a way that is sensitive to the child’s level of understanding, and as long as something good is gleaned from the experience.
       Telling the story about the time the Christmas tree ignited because of faulty wiring and burned up the presents is fine, as long as you can find a tinsel lining. For example: Luckily you were able to save some favorite ornaments from the blaze, and your family ended up at a soup kitchen for Christmas dinner where you met Marion, who would become a treasured family friend.
       Books contain narratives, but only family stories contain your family’s personal narratives. Fortunate children get both. They hear and read stories from books to become part of other people’s worlds, and they hear and tell stories of their family to understand who they are and from whence they came.
       As Ursula LeGuin said, “There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories.” Oral storytelling has been part of human existence for millennia. Toddlers start telling primitive stories from nearly as soon as they can speak, beginning with simple sentences about past experiences such as “Cookie allgone.” Adults quickly build on these baby stories, “What happened to your cookie? You ate it!” so that by age three or four, most children can tell a relatively sensible story of a past experience that a naïve listener will (mostly) understand. By the time they are in school, children will regale a sympathetic adult with highly detailed stories about events of great importance to them, such as scoring a goal at a soccer game, but they may fail to mention the bigger picture that their team still lost. In the preteen and early adolescent years, children tell highly proficient stories about events in their lives, but they still need help understanding difficult events, such as the time their best friend dumped them for someone else. It is not until mid-adolescence that teens can understand the impact of events on their lives and on who they are becoming. Even older adolescents still benefit from their parents’ help in understanding life’s curveballs.
       The holidays are prime time for family storytelling. When you’re putting up the tree or having your holiday meal, share a story with your children about past holidays. Leave in the funny bits, the sad bits, the gory and smelly bits–kids can tell when a story has been sanitized for their protection. Then invite everyone else to tell a story too. Don’t forget the youngest and the oldest storytellers in the group. Their stories may not be as coherent, but they can be the truest, and the most revealing.
       Family stories can be told nearly anywhere. They cost us only our time, our memories, our creativity. They can inspire us, protect us, and bind us to others. So be generous with your stories, and be generous in your stories. Remember that your children may have them for a lifetime. https://www.thesmallseed.com/blog/2017/10/6339
Family History: A Powerful Resource for Raising Resilient Kids

       I’ve decided to rethink bedtime stories. Maybe you should too. It turns out, those stories can become a weapon of mass protection for our children. I don’t know about you, but I feel helpless sometimes—like a sideline spectator—watching my children navigate life’s challenges. And I’m just talking about schoolyard bullies and lost toys for my young children. As they get older, I know they will face more formidable foes, like the increasingly common mental ailments of depression and anxiety.
       Sadly, I have seen dozens and dozens and dozens of our children in the hospital after they have felt sad enough to make an attempt on their lives. I’ve seen even more in my clinic where the clouds of depression and anxiety are just starting to disrupt their routines.
       I’ve wondered if the increase has something to do with better awareness and decreased stigma. If so, that is a wonderful thing! That means kids who used to pretend everything was fine are now getting the emotional help they need! But I’m afraid that can’t explain away the whole increase.
       It seems probable and even likely that the way our children are immersed in social media plays at least some roll. Every picture and post is a test of their popularity, their beauty, their coolness. How many likes did I get? As they scan their feeds, they are inundated with falsehoods, inaccuracies, and “fake news.” They see peers who seem impossibly happy having endless amounts of fun. The teenage mind is simply not equipped to discern clearly between what is real and what is filtered. Add on the complexities of hormonal swings and the pressures of school and work and extracurricular activities and you have a set-up for emotional instability. The teenage years are a set-up anyway! Social media just makes it impossible to escape.
       So how do you arm your children against this storm? How can you fortify them emotionally? How can you make things that are true more obvious and clear? What does story time have anything to do with it?
       In 2008, two researchers put together 20 questions that they thought might be able to predict how emotionally healthy children are. The questions ranged from “Do you know how your parents met?” and “Do you know the source of your name?” to “Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?” It was sort of a mini pop quiz on family history. The number of answers a child knew became their score.
       What they found was an incredible clue for us as parents. Kids with higher scores had “higher levels of self-esteem,...a belief in one's own capacity to control what happens to him or her, better family functioning, lower levels of anxiety, fewer behavioral problems, and better [resilience].”1
       OK. Give me that list of 20 questions. I’m gonna make a set of laminated flash cards for every kid I know! But knowing a list of random family history facts wasn’t the point at all.
       The real power came from HOW those kids knew random family history facts: “The information was typically passed during family dinners, family vacations, family holidays, and the like.” Those traditions helped the children develop a “strong sense of what we have called the intergenerational self.”1 [emphasis added].
       In other words, families that make family history a part of their culture and traditions (help their children create an intergenerational self) are families that cultivate healthier, happier, more resilient children. The intergenerational self could have the power to make a child’s cyber-self irrelevant.
       That is a very cool finding to hear from a scientific paper. Although, I have to admit, it is not that surprising to me at all.
       God himself has frequently encouraged us to develop a strong “intergenerational self.” Isaiah says, “Look unto the rock from whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit from whence ye are digged. Look unto Abraham, your father, and unto Sarah that bare you.”2 He frequently implores us: “Know ye that ye are of the House of Israel.”3 God knows of the strength that comes from belonging to strong families, whether it be God’s family, your adopted family, or your genetic family. Henry B. Eyring, speaking about children who “do” family history, said the following in April of this year: “[Family history] has increased the influence of the Spirit in their lives and decreased the influence of the adversary. It has helped them feel closer to their families and closer to the Lord Jesus Christ.”4
       So how do you make family history a part of your culture and traditions? How do you develop this intergenerational self in yourself and your children? I can tell you one thing for sure, I’m not an expert. I have a few ideas, but I would definitely appreciate your ideas as well.
       As I’ve pondered, I have come to realize that my family has given me the gift of an intergenerational self. When I worked in the yard with my dad or my grandpa and saw their relentless motors, I came to know that “we work hard.” When my dad told me stories about my mom in high school, I came to know that “we are kind and loving to everyone.” When my grandpa and dad told me stories about my dad as a missionary, I came to know that “we share our testimonies and have great faith that others will believe our words.” When my grandma told me about my grandpa’s motto to “fix the problem, not the blame,” I came to know that “we care about solutions AND people.” When I read my dad’s life history and he explained troubles he had in high school, I came to know that “we are not perfect and we always repent.” So much of who I am is really who they are.
       I’ve had one idea. My kids LOVE to draw. I like to draw with them and I’m always wondering what to color. I want to start to draw scenes from my childhood and when they ask what it is, I get to tell them a story about my life.
       I also remember two of my favorite vacations of all time. We traveled to Memphis where my dad grew up. We drove to his high school and his old home and ate at a favorite restaurant. I saw the infamous water tower where he was caught by the police and taken to jail for trespassing to put up a school banner. It was like traveling in time. The next year, I visited Chagrin Falls, Ohio, where my mother grew up. It was enchanting. I was driving through the streets, talking on the phone excitedly with my grandmother about fountains, parks, and store fronts. I felt connected and a part of their childhoods.
       In the same line of thinking, I know a family friend and her husband who will take their children on a journey through a little history of their early romantic relationship. They visit the place they met, their first date, where they got engaged, etc. Physical locations make stories come to life.
       Some of the most worthwhile stories to share are stories of failure, heartache, and disappointment. Don’t shy away from the difficult or embarrassing moments of your lives. I cannot think of a more important attribute for my children to incorporate into their intergenerational self than that of perseverance, penitence, and humble faith in the face of hard things. “That our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”5
       So, we need to be true storytellers. We need to encapsulate moments and attributes and package them in the stories of our lives, and our parents’ lives, and our grandparents’ lives, and our great grandparents’ lives. And then tell them to our children. And write them down for our children to read. And show them what real life feels like.
       I really do know and feel that we are all part of God’s family. He wants us to feel connected to Him and implores us to remember who we are! He also wants us to be part of strong family chains – definitely imperfect, but strong.
       How do you build your children's intergenerational selves?

1. Duke, M.P., Lazarus, A., & Fivush, R. (2008). Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being and prognosis: A brief report. Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 45, 268-272.
2. 2 Nephi 8:1-2
3. Mormon 7:2
4. Henry B. Eyring, “Gathering the Family of God”, April 2017 General Conference.
5. 2 Nephi 25:26 I have been blogging about the value of family stories, and research from The Family Narratives Lab showing that children and adolescents who know more of their family stories show higher well-being on multiple measures, including higher self-esteem, higher academic competence, higher social competence, and fewer behavior problems. So how can you start sharing your family stories?

Marshall Duke and I developed the “Do You Know…?” scale sometimes called “The 20 Questions” that tap into different kinds of family stories. These questions are designed as a starting point for sharing family stories.  Please keep in mind that it is not knowledge of these specific facts that is important – it is the process of families sharing stories about their lives that is important.  So these questions are a way to begin to ask and to tell, and to begin a family tradition of sharing the stories of our lives.

    Do you know how your parents met?
    Do you know where your mother grew up?
    Do you know where your father grew up?
    Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?
    Do you know where some of your grandparents met?
    Do you know where your parents were married?
    Do you know what went on when you were being born?
    Do you know the source of your name?
    Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?
    Do you know which person in your family you look most like?
    Do you know which person in the family you act most like?
    Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?
    Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?
    Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?
    Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc.)?
    Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?
    Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?
    Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?
    Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?
    Do you know about a relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?

I hope these questions help you to begin to learn more of your family stories and share them across the generations.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-stories-that-bind-us_n_2918975?guccounter=1   
The Stories That Bind Us: What Are the Twenty Questions?
The major criterion for inclusion in this set of questions was that they test knowledge of things that children could not possibly have learned first hand.
By Marshall P Duke, PhD, Contributor
Charles Howard Candler Professor of Psychology--Emory University
03/23/2013 10:09am ET | Updated May 23, 2013
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Since the publication on Sunday, March 17 of Bruce Feiler's New York Times column entitled "This Life: The Stories that Bind us," Robyn Fivush and I have received a large number of requests for what he referred to as the "Do You Know Scale" (DYK). The DYK comprises 20 questions seeking knowledge about family history. The major criterion for inclusion in this set of questions was that they test knowledge of things that children could not possibly have learned first hand, either because they happened before the children were born or they involved family members that were less familiar to them than parents and grandparents. Given this limitation, the children who knew the information would therefore have had to receive it from others through stories, writings or other indirect sources. As was mentioned by Bruce Feiler, in our research, higher scores on the DYK scale were associated with higher levels of self-esteem, an internal locus of control ( a belief in one's own capacity to control what happens to him or her), better family functioning, lower levels of anxiety, fewer behavioral problems, and better chances for good outcomes if a child faces educational or emotional/behavioral difficulties.

I write this blog post because many people have written and asked us to send them the list of twenty DYK questions so they can be sure their children know what our test children knew. However, correlation is not causation. Simply knowing the answers to questions will not produce the good outcomes described above. The good outcomes as well as the knowledge of family history that the children possessed were all the result of something else. We have written about this "something else" in several publications and I quote from one of those publications here:

    "If simply knowing family history could make for better states of well-being, some might propose (confusing correlation with causation) that we simply teach children various facts about their families and they will become stronger. Clearly, this approach would not work! Rather, it is our belief that knowledge of family history reflects certain processes that exist in families whose members know their histories. One such process is the communication of family information across generations; important questions about this process would include "Who is passing this information?" and "When is this information transmitted?" In our study of family stories at the Emory University Family Narratives Project funded by the Sloan Foundation, we found that family stories seem to be transferred by mothers and grandmothers more often than not and that the information was typically passed during family dinners, family vacations, family holidays, and the like. Other data indicated that these very same regular family dinners, yearly vacations, and holiday celebrations occur more frequently in families that have high levels of cohesiveness and that they contribute to the development of a strong sense of what we have called the intergenerational self. It is this intergenerational self and the personal strength and moral guidance that seem to derive from it that are associated with increased resilience, better adjustment, and improved chances of good clinical and educational outcomes." -- [Duke, M.P., Lazarus, A., & Fivush, R. (2008). Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being and prognosis: A brief report. Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 45, 268-272.]

The 20 items of the DYK scale are provided below. However, please remember that these are only a representative sample of the kinds of questions that kids should be able to answer. You can make up others. The main criterion, as mentioned above, is that the questions are about things that the children could not have learned on their own or experienced directly. Each family will have different stories and different key moments and memories that are shared. It is not the content of what is known that is the critical factor, but the process by which these things came to be known. This process is, in our opinion, the causational factor. In order to hear family stories, people need to sit down with one another and not be distracted. Some people have to talk and some have to listen. The stories need to be told over and over and the times of sitting together need to be multiple and occur over many years. The most convenient times traditionally have been family dinners, family trips in the car, vacations, birthday gatherings, etc. As Bruce Feiler notes, however, given the complexities of modern family life families can also sit and talk over a snack after school or before everyone goes off to work, or at any other time that they can focus on each other. These gatherings -- short or long -- are at the heart of the process by which the intergenerational stories can be told and learned and through which children can grow stronger and healthier. No quick fix. No simply learning the answers to the questions. Just coming from a family in which the opportunities to learn family history and to create a family narrative are regular, multiple, predictable and inviolable. As Bruce Feiler implores in his book, " The Secrets of Happy Families": Talk. A lot.

The Do You Know Scale

Please answer the following questions by circling "Y" for "yes" or "N" for "no." Even if you know the information we are asking about, you don't need to write it down. We just wish to know if you know the information.
1. Do you know how your parents met?Y N
2. Do you know where your mother grew up?Y N
3. Do you know where your father grew up?Y N
4. Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?Y N
5. Do you know where some of your grandparents met?Y N
6. Do you know where your parents were married?Y N
7. Do you know what went on when you were being born?Y N
8. Do you know the source of your name?Y N
9. Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?Y N
10. Do you know which person in your family you look most like?Y N
11. Do you know which person in the family you act most like?Y N
12. Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?Y N
13. Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?Y N
14. Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?Y N
15. Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc)?Y N
16. Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?Y N
17. Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?Y N
18. Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?Y N
19. Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?Y N
20. Do you know about a relative whose face "froze" in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?Y N

Score: Total number answered Y.

Important Note : About that last question! Fifteen percent of our sample actually answered "Yes!" This is because the stories that families tell are not always "true." More often than not they are told in order to teach a lesson or help with a physical or emotional hurt. As such, they may be modified as needed. The accuracy of the stories is not really critical. In fact, there are often disagreements among family members about what really happened! These disagreements then become part of the family narrative. Not to worry!

Two Levels of Spiritual Development

    At an earlier time, I wrote in some detail about the redemptive work that is present in the gospel of Jesus Christ (“Guiltless and Spotless: Fruits of the Great Plan of Salvation,” Nearer to God: The Book of Mormon and the Good News of Christ, Lulu Press, 2012, 143-152).  Drawing upon the Savior’s words in 3 Nephi 27, I distinguished between two processes of spiritual growth and salvation, becoming guiltless and becoming spotless.  The first, guiltless or justification, involves coming unto Christ and includes a person having met the conditions for the atonement to satisfy the demands of divine justice for punishment for one’s sins, and the reception of the Holy Ghost as confirmation that of such forgiveness.  The second process, spotless or sanctification, follows in which a person’s attributes are changed over time to qualify them to dwell in God’s presence.
    In studying the writings of Bruce and Marie Hafen (The Contrite Spirit: How the Temple Helps Us Apply Christ’s Atonement, Deseret Book, 2015), I have discovered additional ways of describing and understanding these processes.  They propose that these two spiritual development processes might be understood as flowing out of differences in the Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthoods:
    "…in 1929 the Lord revealed that He had given certain keys to Peter, James, and John that would be in effect until the Second Coming (see D&C 7:7).  Only a month later, when John the Baptist conferred the Aaronic Priesthood upon Joseph and Oliver, he told them that "he acted under the direction of Peter, James and John, who held the keys of the Priesthood of Melchizedek'' (Joseph Smith-History 1:72). Not long afterward, those same three men conferred that higher priesthood upon Joseph and Oliver (see D&C 27:12-13).
    Less well known is Peter's intriguing appearance at the Kirtland Temple dedication in 1836, a visit that hints at Peter's role with temples.  During the dedication, an angel entered through a window and sat next to Joseph Smith Sr.  The Prophet later told the congregation that this angel was Peter, who had been sent as a messenger to accept the temple dedication.
    Why would the Lord send Peter for that purpose?  Perhaps it was because Peter holds the keys for the Melchizedek Priesthood, and the temple ordinances are the primary ordinances of that priesthood.  Thinking of Peter in this way prompts these further thoughts: The primary ordinances of the Aaronic Priesthood are baptism and the sacrament. Those ordinances are also intertwined with the first principles of the gospel—faith and repentance.
    Could there be a similar interactive relationship between the ordinances of the higher priesthood and some set of higher gospel principles?
    The primary ordinances of the Melchizedek Priesthood are confirmation, priesthood ordination (for brethren), and the endowment and sealing ordinances of the temple.  Those higher ordinances are indeed intertwined with such higher principles as sacrifice and consecration.  Our progression from the preparatory priesthood through the levels of the higher priesthood, fueled along the way by the link between ordinances and principles, suggests an ascending pattern that is anchored in the laws of God that govern our spiritual growth.
    And we learn this sequential pattern in the temple…"  (Hafen & Hafen, The Contrite Spirit, pp. 53-55)
    In D&C 84, these differences are elaborated.  Speaking first about the Melchizedek Priesthood:
19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.
20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest.
21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;
22 For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.
23 Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God;
24 But they hardened their hearts and could not endure his presence; therefore, the Lord in his wrath, for his anger was kindled against them, swore that they should not enter into his rest while in the wilderness, which rest is the fulness of his glory.
25 Therefore, he took Moses out of their midst, and the Holy Priesthood also;
    Then regarding the Aaronic Priesthood:
26 And the lesser priesthood continued, which priesthood holdeth the key of the ministering of angels and the preparatory gospel;
27 Which gospel is the gospel of repentance and of baptism, and the remission of sins, and the law of carnal commandments, which the Lord in his wrath caused to continue with the house of Aaron among the children of Israel until John, whom God raised up, being filled with the Holy Ghost from his mother’s womb.
    Note the differences between the roles, functions, powers, and principles.

I. Names for the two stages
    A. Aaronic:
                Lessor
                Carnal commandments
                Temporal
    B. Melchizedek:
                Greater/higher
                Spiritual commandments

II Keys
    A. Aaronic:
                Ministering of Angels
                Preparatory gospel           
    B. Melchizedek:
                Mysteries of kingdom
                Knowledge of God
                Power of godliness

III. Objectives and Purposes
    A. Aaronic
1. Enter onto the path of discipleship
    Through baptism, a person becomes a member of Christ’s church and makes covenants associated with basic discipleship. 
    Nephi’s teachings about the basic baptismal covenant emphasize the commitment to be obedient to God’s commandments:
5 And now, if the Lamb of God, he being holy, should have need to be baptized by water, to fulfil all righteousness, O then, how much more need have we, being unholy, to be baptized, yea, even by water!
6 And now, I would ask of you, my beloved brethren, wherein the Lamb of God did fulfil all righteousness in being baptized by water?
7 Know ye not that he was holy? But notwithstanding he being holy, he showeth unto the children of men that, according to the flesh he humbleth himself before the Father, and witnesseth unto the Father that he would be obedient unto him in keeping his commandments. (2 Nephi 31:5-7)    According to Alma as he instructed a group of persons about baptism, these covenants include keeping God’s commandments, always standing as a witness for God, and also helping to bear others’ burdens, especially for other members of the Church:
8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?   (Mosiah 18:8-10)
    The command to bear one another’s burdens appears to encompass a sort of basic ministering requirement or assignment in regard to other Church members.  It is instructive that in the revelation on priesthood duties given to Joseph Smith, the church ministering duty is mentioned in connection with Teachers and Priests in the Aaronic Priesthood, rather than offices of the Melchizedek Priesthood:
46 The priest’s duty is to preach, teach, expound, exhort, and baptize, and administer the sacrament,
47 And visit the house of each member, and exhort them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties.
48 And he may also ordain other priests, teachers, and deacons.
49 And he is to take the lead of meetings when there is no elder present;
50 But when there is an elder present, he is only to preach, teach, expound, exhort, and baptize,
51 And visit the house of each member, exhorting them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties.
52 In all these duties the priest is to assist the elder if occasion requires.
53 The teacher’s duty is to watch over the church always, and be with and strengthen them;
54 And see that there is no iniquity in the church, neither hardness with each other, neither lying, backbiting, nor evil speaking;
55 And see that the church meet together often, and also see that all the members do their duty.    This distinction illustrates the differences and relationships between the spiritual functions of the two priesthood levels.
The Melchizedek builds upon the foundation of the Aaronic.  The lessor  principles, commandments, and even the ordinances are not bypassed or dismissed when practicing the higher level.  Rather, the higher stage adds to the former and assist us in pressing on to the Christlike life.  As Joseph’s revision of the Book of Hebrew states: “Therefore, not leaving the priniciples of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God...[and] baptisms” (JST, Hebrews 6:1-2, see Hafen & Hafen The Contrite Spirit, p. 58)

2. Become children of Christ
13 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I know that if ye shall follow the Son, with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ, by baptism... (2 Nephi 31:13 , also see Givens & Givens, “Heals,” ch. 7)
    When we take Christ’s name upon us, it might be said that we join the family of Christ as his adopted children, and also repledge our desire each week as we take the sacrament.  As our spiritual father, the Savior seeks to parent us through the process of cleansing and growth that will lead us to eternal life.

3. Relieve us from the burden of our sins/forgiveness/remission/justification
    A prime blessing of the atonement of Christ becomes available at and through baptism, that is, that his suffering pays the price to justice for our individual sins and we are forgiven as we repent.
30 And we know that justification through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true; (D&C 20:30)
17 Wherefore, do the things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your Redeemer should do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter. For the gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water; and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost.
18 And then are ye in this strait and narrow path which leads to eternal life; yea, ye have entered in by the gate; ye have done according to the commandments of the Father and the Son; and ye have received the Holy Ghost, which witnesses of the Father and the Son, unto the fulfilling of the promise which he hath made [receiving forgiveness/remission of sins], that if ye entered in by the way ye should receive. (2 Nephi 31:17-18)

4. Qualify us to possess the companionship of the Holy Ghost
    Nephi describes how the Gift of the Holy Ghost is a part of the baptismal process:
12 And also, the voice of the Son came unto me, saying: He that is baptized in my name, to him will the Father give the Holy Ghost, like unto me; wherefore, follow me, and do the things which ye have seen me do.
13 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I know that if ye shall follow the Son, with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ, by baptism—yea, by following your Lord and your Savior down into the water, according to his word, behold, then shall ye receive the Holy Ghost; yea, then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost; and then can ye speak with the tongue of angels, and shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel.  (2 Nephi 31:12-13)
    Possessing the companionship of the Holy Ghost has several aspects.  First, at baptism we are qualified to receive the laying on of hands for the Gift of the Holy Ghost, in the which we are directed or commanded to “receive” the Holy Ghost by a priesthood representative.  Then on a regular basis on Sundays, we partake of the sacrament, through which we renew the promise “that [we] are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given them; that [we] may always have his Spirit to be with [us]. (D&C 20:77, and also 79).  Finally we must continually seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost in other ways including continual repenting as needed.  President Nelson has emphasized continuing and even daily focus on repentance:
    “Nothing is more liberating, more ennobling, or more crucial to our individual progression than is a regular, daily focus on repentance. Repentance is not an event; it is a process. It is the key to happiness and peace of mind. When coupled with faith, repentance opens our access to the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” (President Russell M. Nelson, “We Can Do Better and Be Better”, General Conference Priesthood Session, April 2019)

5. Individual salvation
    The gospel objectives and blessings described above,  point toward and prepare us as individuals for salvation in the kingdom of heaven.

    B. Melchizedek
1. Sanctification
    Recall that sanctification was the objective Moses had for the children of Isreal while the Melchizedek Priesthood was available to them, prior to their rebellion in the wildernesss and the instigation of the lesser Mosiac law.
    Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God; (D&C 84:23)    Sanctification means becoming a pure and holy person, fit to dwell in God’s presence.
    Now this is the commandment: Repent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be baptized in my name, that ye may be sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost, that ye may stand spotless before me at the last day. (3 Nephi 27:20)
    And we know also, that sanctification through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true, to all those who love and serve God with all their mights, minds, and strength. (D&C 20:31)
    Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.
    And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot. (Moroni 10:32-33)

2. Endure to the end
    Nephi, in his instruction on how to get onto the path to eternal life through baptism and the receipt of the Holy Ghost, supplies a very brief introduction to the higher level spiritual processes.
    Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (2 Ne 31:20)
    How do we endure to the end? There is more to this idea than simply putting up with a bad situation (enduring life’s vicissitudes ) until death brings release.   President Joseph Fielding Smith suggested that enduring to the end involves the acquisition of those attributes that bring happiness.
    “We must so live as to acquire the attributes of godliness and become the kind of people who can enjoy the glory and wonders of the celestial kingdom.” (Ensign, Nov. 1971, p. 5.)
    There are clues to answer this question in Nephi’s brief statement:
        – Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ
        – Having a brightness of hope
        – Having a love of God and all men
        – Feasting on the word of Christ

3.  Become like Christ
    As Joseph taught in the School of the Prophets, “What situation must a person be in in order to be saved?... If we can find a saved being, we may ascertain without much difficulty what all others must be in order to be saved.”  Christ “is the prototype or standard of salvation; or in other words,... a saved being,... a just and holy being.” (Givens and Givens, The God that Heals, p. 50, citing Lectures on Faith (Salt Lake City: Deseret book, 1985, 75-76)
    This doctrine is taught by Mormon:
    Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. (Moroni 7:48)
    Likewise by John:
    Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.
    Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.
    And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure. (1 John 3:1-3)

4. Receive the fulness of the Holy Ghost
    In the inspired dedicatory prayer for the Kirtland temple, Joseph Smith implied that there may be a higher level granting of the blessings of the Spirit, through the temple.
    And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said;
    And that they may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost, and be organized according to thy laws, and be prepared to obtain every needful thing;  (D&C 109:14-15)
    Here are some blessings that might come through the fulness of the Holy Ghost:
        1. Become totally at home in the temple, to be “established” in the words of Joseph’s prayer.  Learn how to worship the Lord in and through the temple.  “We ask thee, Holy Father, to establish the people that shall worship, and honorably hold a name and standing in this thy house, to all generations and for eternity” (D&C 109:24)
        2. Receive doctrinal revelation– understandings which had been “hid from before the world was.” (D&C 124:38)  Especially these might be new insights from the temple ordinances about the great plan of salvation and the atonement of Christ.
        3. Receive specific instruction regarding things we individually need to do to keep the covenants we have made, specifically, obedience, sacrifice, treating others according to the higher law of the gospel, personal purity, and answering the call of our Church leaders and the Lord with total devotion.
        4. Learn specific ways that we can better minister to others, especially those of our own family and others for whom we have particular ministering responsibility.  This includes emphasis on preparing them to enter and love the temple and the performing of work for the dead.
        5. Experience God’s presence.  The temple is a place where God manifests himself to his people (D&C 109:5).  Also experience the appreciation of our kindred dead, as we labor in their behalf.

5. Perfection/finishing/completeness
    In a 1995 conference address, President Nelson examines the meaning of the goal of perfection, by concluding that this does not mean the absence of mistakes or errors.  In Matt. 5:48, “Be ye therefore perfect,” the term was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete” or reaching a distant end.  The Savior gave the challenge to is disciples to be perfect but gave only his Father in Heaven as the model.  Speaking of his death and subsequent resurrection, stated that on “the third day I shall be perfected” (Luke 13:32).  Later, when teaching the Nephites, he gave them this same command, but listed himself along with his Father as a perfected personage (3 Nephi 12:48).   President Nelson concludes that “Eternal perfection is reserved for those who overcome all things and inherit the fulness of the Father in his heavenly mansions [resurrection included]. Perfection consists in gaining eternal life?—the kind of life that God lives.  (Russell M. Nelson, “Perfection Pending,” October 1995 general conference)
    Moroni also describes the process of perfection with an emphasis on the power of Christ’s atonement:
    Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.
    And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot. (Moroni 10:32-33)

6. Eternal Life/the kind of life that God has
    As defined above by President Nelson,
eternal life is the kind of life that our Heavenly Father has.
    For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1:39)

7. Exaltation (in families)
    This eternal life we are speaking of is also identified by the term exaltation.  Among the most critical elements of this state is enduring, eternal marriages and family relationships, including the addition of spirit children to that family.
    In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
    And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
    And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
    He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.  (D&C 131:1-4)
    And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
    Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them.  (D&C 132:19-20)
    Blessings associated with exaltation are far greater that those of the Aaronic Priesthood level of individual salvation.

IV. Behavior Standard
    A. Aaronic
    Active in the Church.  In our Church culture, we often speak of people and judge them in regard to their church activity.  They may be active, less-active, or inactive, or something in-between.  Typically, we base these judgements on our observation of their external behavior as to whether they generally attend meetings, or perhaps whether they hold a church calling.  They show compliance with at least the letter of the law.  Hafen and Hafen suggest that being active in the Church “is only the emerging stage... of spiritual development”. But there is the need for a “more mature level of spiritual development.” (Hafen and Hafen, The Contrite Spirit, 2015, p. 216)

    B. Melchizedek
    Consecrated Discipleship.  A higher standard seems more consistent with obedience to the spirit of the laws of God.  Elder Neal Maxwell has said that “it would change the entire Church if in every ward we could have three or four more families who were truly consecrated disciples.” (Cited in The Contrite Spirit, p. 216)
    “Ultimate consecration is the yielding up of oneself to God. Heart, soul, and mind were the encompassing words of Christ in describing the first commandment, which is constantly, not periodically, operative (see Matt. 22:37). If kept, then our performances will, in turn, be fully consecrated for the lasting welfare of our souls (see 2 Ne. 32:9).” (Neal Maxwell, “Consecrate Thy Performance,” April 2002 general conference)

V. Application of Christ’s atonement
    A. Aaronic:
            Remission of sins
            Companionship of Holy Ghost

    B. Melchizedek:
            Sanctification,
            Perfection,
            Acquire nature of Christ

VI. Principles
    A. Aaronic:
            Faith
            Repentance
    Faith and repentance are clearly identified with the Aaronic Priesthood spiritual stage through the Fourth Article of Faith as the first principles of the Gospel that qualify a person to enter the Church.  However, they never cease to be foundational to all spiritual development, faith also being present with hope and charity as the triad of principles which have been identified in many sources as the three primary elements in a mature religious life.  Also, the lifelong need for daily repentance no matter where a person is on the spiritual progress ladder is also critical, as taught by President Russell M. Nelson (President Russell M. Nelson, “We Can Do Better and Be Better”, General Conference Priesthood Session, April 2019).

    B. Melchizedek:
             Faith
             Hope
             Charity (Ether 12:28)
             Meekness, contrite spirit
    Faith, hope, and charity are three primary elements of a religious life and spiritual progress.  These three principles were identified together by the apostle Paul (1 Cor. 13) and appear together by name in five Book of Mormon passages.  Those who have faith, hope and charity will always abound in good works (Alma 7:24), and are acceptable before God (Moroni 7:44).  These qualities bring persons unto Christ (Ether 12:28) and qualify one to be saved in the kingdom of God (Moroni 10:21).  See also Alma 13:29, 2 Nephi 31:18-20, Moroni 8:25-26 which substitute the word love for charity.  These passages and others in the Book of Mormon that reference faith, hope, and charity, provide wonderful insights into the meaning of these concepts and explain how the three qualities work together in the life of a follower of Christ to prepare a person for exaltation in the Kingdom of God.  All of these principles are intimately connected to the influence of the Spirit. 
    Faith is following a course of action led by the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit gives initial evidence of things unseen which needed to be acted upon (Hebrews 11; Alma 32:21).  As we act upon this evidence, the spirit provides confirmation to us that our actions are pleasing to God (Lectures on Faith 3:5, 6; Ether 12:6; Hebrews 11).  In both the Old Testament Hebrew and the New Testament Greek, words translated as faith or faithful typically have the meaning of steadfastness, reliable, trustworthiness.
    Hope is having an assurance, from the Spirit, of forgiveness, of being born of God, of the receipt of the Spirit, that one is on the path to eternal life (Alma 22:15-17).  Hope is firm (Alma 34:14).  The hope that follows faith, with surety, makes an anchor to the souls of men, makes them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works ((Ether 12:4).  After faith, repentance, baptism, comes the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which fills with hope (Moroni 8:25-26).  In the Old Testament Hebrew, some of the words from which the word hope is translated have the meaning of assurance, confidence, security, safety, and trust.
    Charity is having a disposition, fed by the Spirit, to bless the lives of others.  Charity is the pure love of Christ, and endures forever (Moroni 7:47; 2 Nephi 26:30; Moroni 8:17).  After faith, repentance, baptism, comes the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which fills with hope and also charity (Moroni 8:25-26).  See Enos 1:9-11; Alma 36:24 for examples of the charity which follows true conversion. 
    According to the apostle Paul, charity is the greatest virtue of all.  Concern for others’ well-being and a willingness to make others’ needs preeminent is a major product of the work of the Spirit in an individual’s life and evidence that sanctification is occurring.
    At least two more virtues have been suggested as related to a higher level of spiritual progress, having a contrite spirit and meekness.
    Having a contrite spirit.  Along with having a broken heart, having a contrite spirit is the new law of sacrifice replacing animal sacrifices, after the old law was done away with through Christ’s suffering and resurrection:
    And ye shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood; yea, your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away, for I will accept none of your sacrifices and your burnt offerings.
    And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not. (3 Nephi 9:19-20)
    Here is a definition of the contrite spirit:
    “A contrite Spirit is eager to repent.  It accepts responsibility for its own weakness and choices with a willingness to be corrected and desires to “learn of [Him] and listen to [His] words” (D&C 19:23).  The Latin root for the word contrite means to wear away, as in rubbing rough edges smooth.  Like the well-disciplined horse, a contrite spirit is that is softening and yielding, learning to be responsive to the Master, submissive to His every command, and willing to sacrifice its own will in faith that His will is for the highest good (see Isaiah 55:9).
    “A contrite spirit does not hide.  It seeks Jesus, compelled by faith in Chist’s ability to save and heal. “Will ye not now return unto me?” He pleads, “and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?” (3 Nephi 9:13).
    “If we have a broken heart and a contrite spirit and we keep our covenants by sacrifice, then the Lord “will cause [us] to bring forth as a very fruitful tree which is planted in a goodly land, by a pure stream, that yieldeth much precious fruit” (D&C 97:8-9).  In His next breath, after making such a sublime promise, the Lord command His people to build a temple– a portal, if you will, that gives us access to such a “goodly land.”  It is through the sacred patterns of the temple– the multilayered template– that he can make a tree of life out of us.”  (Hafen & Hafen, The Contrite Spirit, 2015, xv-xvi).
    Meekness. 
    According to the prophet Mormon, meekness is a prerequisite to receiving the gifts of faith and hope. (Mormon 7:42-44)
    As stated by Elder David Bednar,
    “Meekness is a defining attribute of the Redeemer and is distinguished by righteous responsiveness, willing submissiveness, and strong self-restraint...
    “The Christlike quality of meekness often is misunderstood in our contemporary world.  Meekness is strong, not weak; active, not passive; courageous, not timid; restrained, not excessive; modest, not self-aggrandizing; and gracious, not brash.  A meek person is not easily provoked, pretentious, or overbearing and readily acknowledges the accomplishments of others...
    “Whereas humility generally denotes dependence upon God and the constant need for His guidance and support, a distinguishing characteristic of meekness is a particular spiritual receptivity to learning both from the Holy Ghost and from people who may seem less capable, experienced, or educated, who may not hold important positions, or who otherwise may not appear to have much to contribute...
    “Meekness is an attribute developed through desire, the righteous exercise of moral agency, and striving always to retain a remission of our sins.  It also is a spiritual gift for which we appropriately can seek.  We should remember, however, the purposes for which such a blessing is given, even to benefit and serve the children of God...    “As we come unto and follow the Savior, we increasingly and incrementally are enabled to become more like Him.  We are empowered by the Spirit with disciplined self-restraint and a settled and calm demeanor.  Thus, meek is what we become as disciples of the Master...” (“Meek and Lowly of Heart”,  By Elder David A. Bednar, April 2018 General Conference)

VII. Ordinances
    A. Aaronic:         
            Outward ordinances
                – Baptism
                – Sacrament
    B. Melchizedek:    
            Higher ordinances
                – Endowment
                – Temple sealings

VIII. Covenants and laws
    A. Aaronic: 
        – Obedience
        – Discipleship (remembering Christ, witnessing of him, taking his name) (D&C:20:37)
        – Bear others’ burdens (Mosiah 18:8-10)

    B. Melchizedek:
        – Obedience
        – Sacrifice
        – Gospel/higher law/Christ-like interpersonal relationships
        – Marital/sexual faithfulness
        – Consecration
        – Obey rites/ordinances of marriage
    Similar to earlier comaprisons, the basic Aaronic Priesthood covenants remain foundational fore those of the higher level.  Obedience is the governing law across both levels, and in addition, the Melchizedek Priesthood laws could be viewed as increasingly specific areas of required obedience.
    The higher law of the gospel may be particularly an extension of the covenant to bear others’ burdens.  It appears to encompass actions pertaining to other persons, including both behaviors but also motivations behind the behaviors.  “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not _____, but I say unto you, Your heart also needs to be right in that _____.” 
    The apostle Paul summarized all of the commandments as “if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Romans 13:9).

IX. Remembrance/renewal/recovenant ordinances
    A. Aaronic:         
            – Sacrament
    “When we are baptized, we take upon ourselves the sacred name of Jesus Christ.  Taking upon us His name is one of the most significant experiences we have in life …
    “Each week in sacrament meeting we promise to remember the atoning sacrifice of our Savior as we renew our baptismal covenant.  We promise to do as the Savior did?—to be obedient to the Father and always keep His commandments. (Robert D. Hales, “The Covenant of Baptism: To Be in the Kingdom and of the Kingdom,” Ensign, Nov. 2000)
    The sacramental prayer largely focuses on the our baptismal/Aaronic Priesthood level promises, always remembering Christ and his atonement and keeping his commandments.  Some authorities have suggested that the scope of the sacrament includes renewal of all the covenants we have made, including those of the temple:
    “Elder Delbert L. Stapley instructed us in this when he said about covenants: “The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is a covenant between God and his people. … When baptized by an authorized servant of God, we covenant to do God’s will and to obey his commandments. … By partaking of the Sacrament we renew all covenants entered into with the Lord and pledge ourselves to take upon us the name of his Son, to always remember him and keep his commandments” (in Conference Report, October 1965, 14, cited by L. Tom Perry, “As Now We Take the Sacrament”, General Conference address, April 2006).
    Taking the sacrament appears to be another case in which an Aaron Priesthood feature is foundational and encompasses the full range of lower and higher Gospel principles.  We ought to see in this ordinance a focus extending to every promise we have made to God.  However this does not preclude the existence of other means to assist us to review the higher covenants we have made and recommit to a determination to their fulfillment.

    B. Melchizedek:    
            – Endowment (for the dead)
    Bruce and Marie Hafen (pp. 53-62, The Contrite Spirit: How the Temple Helps Us Apply Christ’s Atonement, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2015) have suggested that the process of spiritual development and the receipt of Gospel blessings may be thought of as having two progressive levels, the higher level centering around the instruction and ordinances of the temple.  The culmination of each of these levels might be thought of as our experiencing a priesthood ordinance that is designed by God to remind us regularly of the sacred covenants we have entered into and to allow us to express our continuing desire and intention to obey the respective promises.  These ordinances are also rich in their symbolic reminders of the monumental sacrifice of the Savior and our debt to him in making these blessings possible.  As shown below, each level has its specific blessings, ordinances, covenants, and principles, and finally, a covenant remembrance/renewal ordinance.  For the Aaronic Priesthood level, that ordinance is the sacrament.  For the Melchizedek Priesthood level, the endowment for the dead, especially the culminating veil ceremony, may fill the same function for us.
     Fiona and Terryl Givens point specifically to the spiritual power contained in the temple endowment veil ceremony:
    “Latter-day Saints are fortunate in that the temple gives them access to an experience of the Atonement's power that is even more sacred and impactful than the weekly sacrament.  Joseph's greatest act of synthesis, wherein he drew Old Testament typology and New Testament teaching into harmony, was evident in the way he was inspired to depict temple architecture and design temple ritual so as to bring all things together in Christ.  The key to his final effort may have been his reading of Hebrews and the light it shed on Abraham's unusual rite in Genesis 15.  In that account, in token of the covenant he has entered into with God (the new and everlasting covenant), Abraham is commanded to sacrifice a heifer, a goat, and a ram (along with two birds).  He then divides each large carcass into two halves.  Subsequently, as Moses experienced before his theophany and Joseph before his, Abraham experiences "an horror of great darkness."  And then the divine manifestation occurs: "a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp ... passed between those pieces," following which the Lord personally affirms his covenant with Abraham.
    “Explicating Old Testament sacrifices in light of the new covenant, the author of Hebrews invites the Christian himself–“to complete the pilgrim's journey by entering into the presence of God himself– “to enter into the holiest.”  And the meaning of all prior sacrificial victims now becomes clear, as the author explains that entry into God's presence can only be "by the blood of Christ."  Christians all know that the sacrificial animal is a type and foreshadowing of the Savior's death.  But the writer of the letter to the Hebrews pushes the analogy further.  We “enter into the holiest by the blood of Christ."  We effectively pass through Christ’s broken body, as the lamp of the Lord passed through the severed sacrificial creatures, and back into God's presence.  The Atonement is the pain-drenched portal through which alone access is to be found.  And in the author's final invocation of symbolism, he directs our minds to the image of the temple veil, which becomes the physical counterpart to the body of Christ, through which we pass into the holiest place. The writer of the letter says this explicitly: The “new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us” is “through the veil, that is to say, his flesh.”
    “In our temples, as in the Jewish temple, the veil represents the portal into the divine presence. The temple veil, the emblem of Christ's own flesh, was torn at the crucifixion, suggesting that only through the broken body of the atoning Savior was access into God's presence possible for all. This startling image, replicated in the temples of the Latter-day Saints, captures the quintessence of the temple's purpose.  It signifies the eternal human saga by which men and women progressively constitute fuller and richer relationship to Divine Parents.  The story tracks their pilgrimage from incarnate spirits, through adoption into Christ's family, assuming greater levels of commitment and higher standards of holiness, entering into binding covenants that reify and extend human and divine connectedness, until, cleansed and sanctified by the sacrificial offering of Christ's own flesh, they enter into the divine presence, part of an eternal sociality with those they love. The rituals of the temple are thus where the Church's most concentrated liturgical forms are found, and they crescendo with palpable crucifixion imagery at the veil, that symbolic, porous membrane joining heaven and earth.  It  is through the Atonement, through the severed flesh of Christ, typified in sacrifices that hark back to Adam himself, that all find full  incorporation into the Heavenly Family, in accordance with the new and everlasting covenant that was propounded before the world was formed.” (pp. 60-62, Fiona Givens and Terryl Givens, The Christ Who Heals: How God Restored the Truth that Saves Us, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2017, 60-62.  See also Terryl Givens, Feeding the Flock: The Foundation of Mormon Thought: Church and Praxis, New York: Oxford University Press, 2017, 313-314.)
     Here is a table that summarizes the two stages or levels of spiritual development discussed above: