Mean girls, mean women, mean grandmas

Who do you think you are
Loud mouth, cafeteria star
Maybe somebody was cruel to you
So you think that's what you're supposed to do
One day, it might be you
When you need a friend, but you no longer cool
When everyone leaves when you walk in the room
I just hope they forgive you
...Mean girls, mean girls
I'm a just comb you outta my curls
Mean girls, mean girls
You no longer run my world

A column in the Deseret News Mormon Times section brings back some old hurts (Ask Angela: Angela Trusty, “Burying the hatchet is often a good idea”, September 19, 2013, p. C4).  The author quotes a letter from a young woman who was asked to substitute as instructor for a single adults Sunday School class in her ward.  She had had a falling out with another member a couple of years before.  As she came into the classroom, the sister asked, “Who is teaching today?” When someone responded with her name, the lady “whispered “ to her group that they should “definitely go to a different class.”  As the writer was being introduced, the woman and about five of her friends noticeably arose and left the classroom.

Sister Trusty responds to this request for advice by saying that this was “a major mean girl move, and mean girls (mean women, mean grandmas) exist, and can be hurtful at any age.”  She then explores the suggestion of how to reach out to this woman and attempt to bury the hatchet, that is, become reconciled with her.  Of course this is the Christ-like thing to do, as taught by the Savior:

¶Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. (Matthew 18:15)

While your commitment as a disciple of Christ requires you to make this attempt at reconciliation, what if you are dealing with a sister who truly is caught up in mean girl psychology?  What if your apology and even apparent groveling in your attempt at reconciliation, feeds her need to be in a power position over you (queen bee syndrome)?  What if she lacks insight into her own behavior so that your attempts to reconcile further threaten her insecurities (“I couldn’t have done that--I love everybody”), so that her relationship aggression amplifies.

Relational aggression is “aggression intended to cause harm through damage in one’s relationship or social standing... [It is] a covert form of bullying more common among women... to backstab, gossip, stereotype, make fun of, and single out their target through rumors, isolation, or by totally excluding the person from the group as way of retribution.

The roots of relational aggression lie in personal insecurities.  “Often enough when a woman suffers from a strong sense of inadequacy, she clings to the very things that make her feel good with a certain fierceness and possessive passion.  Threatened, she turns to devious avenues to defend her place in the social food chain... Regardless of age, women of all walks are drawn together into a posse by their very need for constant reinforcement. As they thrive on the security of membership, they soon learn of the incredible power that acting on something together promotes.  Mean girls are defined by their collective strength.  They attack as a pack.  Perched high on the pedestals of solidarity, popularity, and influence, these women develop an insatiable need for control, and in the process, lose the ability to be compassionate towards the people outside their social group.  It is when they find reward in their subtle acts of aggression that the meanness persists.  However, as they continue to live up to their untouchable reputation outside their circle, they also grapple with power and politics within.  In every mean girl clique standing tall among them is the leader of the pack.  While she sets the rules of the game, the others follow without question out of fear of being ostracized or excluded from the group.”

Suggestions:
– Do not fight fire with fire.  
– Hold your head high.
– Deal with the matter at hand without physically fighting back. (Be prepared for the verbal attacks and have a witty comeback. Avoid being emotional and keep an even tone as you talk back.)
– Open up about your problems to loved ones and people you can trust.
– Move on and make other friends.
– Practice compassion. (Understanding how cliques work helps you realize why some people can be so mean. It also lets you see them as human beings with emotions and back stories that explain why they are.)
[Information about relational aggression from Almira Presto Dalangin, “The Psychology of Mean Girl Cliques” http://miradalangin.hubpages.com/hub/The-Psychology-of-Mean-Girl-Cliques]

New temples projected priority in US

 

Temples in the Utah-Idaho LDS Corridor--analysis and projection

Temples under construction:
1) The Payson temple will draw off about 25 stakes from Provo temple (Mapleton, SF, Salem-Payson, Santaquin plus the 2 Nephi stakes from Manti. 
2) The Provo City Center temple is rumored to receive Springville (9) and perhaps 3-4 Provo stakes from SE Provo
This would leave Provo with about 40 Stakes.  Provo will possibly add the Orem stakes from Mt. Timp, raising the Provo total to near 65, and reducing Mt. Timp to under 50.
3) The proposed Cedar City temple will probably draw off about 15 stakes from St. George, leaving around 30 stakes for the latter.

Other possibilities for new temples:
1) Pocatello.  There is a cluster of about 16 stakes in Pocatello and Blackfoot, or just the 11 stakes in the former, for a Twin Falls/Brigham City size temple.
2) Northern Davis County.  There is a cluster of about 30 stakes that might be drawn off from the Ogden temple, for an Oquirrh Mt/Draper/Rexburg size temple
3) Tooele.  The 13 Stakes in Tooele and west into Nevada could justify a Twin Falls/Brigham City size temple.
4) Heber City.  A small temple, Monticello size, might be justified by the 7 Wasatch Back stakes: Heber (4), Park City, Kamas, Coalville

Brigham City temple trip

Wendy and I made plans earlier to do a temple session at the new Brigham City temple.  We had toured the open house but had not been back since it was dedicated.  We planned to take Dorothy and Jeree.  At the last minute Dorothy was hurting too much to go (she is having knee replacement surgery next Monday) and Jeree was too busy, so Alison was willing to accompany us.  This temple is really busy.  We made appointments a week ago and the session was totally full plus a folding chair, with over 60 patrons.

Its a very beautiful building inside and out, and we enjoyed the experience very much.

The old tabernacle east across the street

Labor Day picnic

from Valerie Blog

Jaron showing off his reverse-no look serve

One of my greatest satisfactions is in seeing my children and grandchildren getting together and loving it!  We had one of these occasions on Labor Day.  We met at Nunn's Park in Provo Canyon at about 3 pm, cooked hamburgers and hot dogs, visited a lot, played volleyball, frisbee, and table games, and left at dusk.  Besides Wendy and me, present were: Quin and Alison, Heidi and Steven, Paul and Daniel, Rachel with two college friends, and all the younger Soderquist kids; Angela, Katrina and Troy, Camille, Krysta and Tricia; Jaron; Matthew and Kim with all their kids except Alyssa; all of the Blakes; and Nathan and Gloria; forty in all.

Stormy weather at the cabin

Tuesday, 7:30 pm

Wednesday, 8 am

Wednesday, 9 am

Wednesday, 11 am

Last Tuesday evening at dusk we saw dark clouds with rain obscuring Cascade Peak, Provo Peak, and Timp.  It was moving directly toward us.  As the dark came, the rain hit.  When we awakened in the morning, we saw that a very unusual summer fog had completely enveloped the whole of Heber Valley.  It was thick and almost unbreathable.  As the morning proceeded, the fog lifted and eventually dissipated about noon showing clear blue skies and sunshine.  Our temple friends who live in Heber said they could not remember a summer fog of this sort.

Cabin sunset

We were the Midway cabin the first three days last week.  There were lots of clouds, especially in the afternoon and evening, from the monsoon weather.  Here is a dramatic sunset shot, looking southwest .

The monsoons are upon us

2 pm

(2 pm) I used to think that monsoons only happened in the tropics, but the weatherman last night said this is monsoon season in Utah (the last two weeks of August). A tropical storm off the west coast of Mexico is pumping up warm moist air to this area.  As the day heats up, big dark clouds develop.  By evening, there is lightning, thunder, and rainfall, light in some places but very heavy in others.  Yesterday we had sprinkles but northern Utah County got dumped on.

2 pm

(5 pm) the clouds are a lot heavier and some rain has fallen.

(8 pm) Look at the sunset.

5 pm

8 pm

8 pm

We're now in the political arena

Right in the SW corner of out lot, by the flowering pear trees.

Jaron the entreprenuer

I gave Jaron a ride today to the Springville Splash Pad today.  He had acquired a bunch of Otter-Pops and was selling them to mothers and little kids, hopefully for a profit.

More of my scouting adventure: Stake Leader Specific training

Here is one my latest scouting adventures, in trying to advance my vision of having YM advisors and leaders well-trained in their scouting programs.

Utah County Scouting districts were reorganized this year to match the area organization of our Church.   Our scouting district was formerly called Black Hawk, but was partly merged with the Diamond Fork district and is now called Black Diamond.  It covers the nine stakes in Spanish Fork and the two in Mapleton, including Matthew’s and also the Blake’s stakes.  It also matches the areas covered by two High Schools, Spanish Fork and Maple Mountain.

One of the innovations developed by the Black Diamond Leaders is that about a third of the monthly Round Table meetings are the responsibility of the individual stakes and meet in the respective stake centers, and would typically be planned by the stake’s young mens presidency.  A few months ago as our presidency considered plans for these meetings, consistent with my scouting advocacy emphasis, I suggested that we offer Leader Specific training at the August 8 Round Table.  This proposal was accepted by the rest of the presidency and our High Council Rep and also  President Blair, who is the Stake Presidency counselor for youth programs.  I got the assignment to arrange this with the district training people, which I did, and got their commitment to supply the instructors. 

As time went on, I stayed in touch with District Training Director, and was surprised (frustrated, appalled) to receive an e-mail from him two and a half weeks before the event that they couldn’t find any trainers and so wouldn’t be able to help us. 

I was grateful that this did not faze our YM President, Ken A., or President Blair and we set out to find our own trainers.  It took quite a bit of telephoning and persistence, but Ken and I were able to arrange to have the three sessions covered.  Ken did the Varsity, we got the YM President in a neighboring stake to take Boy Scouts, and Lynn E., who is the Venturing rep on the UNP Council training committee was able to free himself to do Venturing.  I could have taught the Venturing session myself, but thought that the people from our stake ought to hear this message from someone else for a change, and was glad for the way this turned out.

We ended up with 60 attendees, including 51 from our stake.  Our Venturing session had 13 men from our stake and included our stake President and 4 of the seven Bishops.  Feedback from all three sessions was positive, and I was quite gratified and also relieved that somehow we were able to pull this training off successfully.

The Scouting Gadfly, Part 2: BSA training for adult leaders (My proposal)

    Charles Dalquist, while General Young Mens President, criticized our lack of training of  young mens leaders, saying that in business and industry it is not typical to place workers in assignments prior to their being trained, but that in the Church we do this regularly in the area where we work with a most critical and vulnerable population–our young men.  Here are five areas of great opportunity for strengthening our work with our young men through raising the training bar for their adult leaders and advisers:
    1. The call.  Everything begins with the call to work with young men.  These are sacred callings of a missionary nature that require a high level of commitment and sacrifice to succeed.  In making these calls, Bishopric members need to be trained to make sure that these men to be called are in a position in their lives and are willing to give the time and effort needed to master the available tools for working with young men in these programs.  These men need to know from the outset the time and training expectations.  Training expectations should include all of the items discussed below in this write-up.  Detailed recommendations about how to conduct these interviews are contained in the Spanish Fork South Stake Young Men Calling Guide.
    GOAL: Train and commit Bishoprics, so that all new Young Mens callings are based upon the Calling Guide.
    2. Initial orientation.   A member of the Stake YM Presidency/Unit Commissioner should make an new leader Orientation/Fast Start visit and review the New Leader Check-list.  The person should complete specified on-line Fast Start videos on-line.  In order for this to happen, wards will need to contact the Stake Young Mens Presidency immediately after a new young mens worker is called. 
    GOAL: All men newly called in the wards to work with the young men will receive an initial orientation by the stake within three weeks of their calls.
    3. Leader Specific Training.  Leader Specific Training used to be called Basic Training and that is what it is, a basic introduction to the working tools of a specific scouting program, that is, Boy Scouts, Varsity, or Venturing.  All persons working as advisors and in other capacities with the young men (including Bishopric members and scouting commitee chairs) for the programs of Aaronic Priesthood should complete BSA Leader Specific Training for their scouting family or program. 
    Leader Specific Training is to be provided by the Scouting District.  There is a proposal, not as yet implemented in our Black Diamond District, to rotate the holding of this training around the 11 stakes in the District on a monthly basis.  Or a stake could request from the District that a special occurrence of this training be held in their stake
    In Venturing, our numbers are so low for leaders having completed this basic training (about 40%, not including Bishops and committee members) that we could profitably schedule with the district a Leader Specific Training session and train or retrain all of our adults working with young men in their scouting specialty. 
    GOAL 1: Arrange to have Leader Specific Training given in our stake within the next 3 months, and to train all adults involved in working with young men in their respective scouting program.  This includes members of the stake young mens organization.
    GOAL 2: In the future, all adults called to work with the young men, will receive Leader Specific Training for their scouting program, within 3 months of their call.
    4. Round Table participation.  Monthly Round table attendance keeps a leader sharp on the tools and culture of his program and new program and activity ideas.  It also provides encouragement and problem-solving discussions for working with youths.  Additionally, we have begun to hold a brief meeting at the end with ward advisers to correlate matters relating to these programs in our stake.  Round Table is an essential part of the ongoing training and preparation for our adults working with young men.  At a very minimum, there needs to be at least one representative of each program from each ward in our stake at Round Table.  To retain a high level of effectiveness, the majority of all men called as advisers to Aaronic Priesthood quorums should participate in their respective Round Table sessions each month.
    The older-boy programs, Venturing and Varsity, particularly need the entire group of adults associated with these programs in the wards to experience Round Table regularly , since we have much less of a tradition and experience with well-run and effective programs in these age-groups.  Key attendees for these programs may well be Bishops and their First Counselors who as file leaders for their Aaronic Priesthood quorums should provide leadership for the full and effective use of these programs.  If members of Bishoprics and Committee chairs are counted, there are as many as 30 persons associated with each program from our stake, who could benefit their respective quorum programs by regular Round Table attendance.
    GOAL1: At a minimum, a representative from each program for each ward will attend all Round Tables.
    GOAL2: The majority of adult persons associated with the programs of the Aaronic Priesthood in each ward (advisers, assistant advisers, scouting leaders, committee chairs, Bishopric members) will participate in each Round Table meeting
    5. Wood Badge.  A fifth and very useful opportunity for strengthening adult support in our wards for young mens programs is to complete a Wood Badge course.  Experience has shown that wards with 12-15 Wood Badge trained persons typically are able to maintain a high standard and tradition of young mens programs.  Wood Badge changes the level of commitment and leadership of the man.  A review of those in young mens assignments in the wards reveals that such training is virtually unknown among the adults presently called to work with our young men.  Therefore, increasing Wood Badge trainees represents a rich opportunity for upgrading the quality of Young mens programs in our stake.
    GOAL1:  Our stake should create a strategy that promotes over the long run the development of a cadre of Wood Badge trained persons in each ward (about 2 a year per ward), to achieve in the next 7 years 14-15 Wood Badge trained persons in each ward, totaling about 100 in all.  Priority should be given to the following: members of Bishoprics, and members of the Stake Young Mens Presidency and Unit Commissioners.

The Scouting Gadfly, Part 1: Leader training for young men

My role in the Stake YM Presidency, apparently, is to be the gadfly scouting advocate.  I keep hammering away and offering suggestions and advice.  Sometimes people listen.  Sometimes they don’t.

I have especially been advocating for BSA training programs.  For Priests, that the Venturing program is all about leadership training.  Other things in the Church’s programs, such as seminary, Duty to God, Come Follow Me curriculum, are wonderful resources for building faith, testimonies, and doctrinal knowledge in our young men.  Scouting and particularly Venturing, if fully used, provide the leadership training piece to the puzzle, in the Church and family tool-set for preparing young men for successful missions and exemplary priesthood manhood.  Here is a new vision statement: “Scouting is the leadership training arm of the Aaronic Priesthood.”

There are all sorts of opportunities for experiential learning of leadership skills for the young men in the scouting programs.  Additionally, Scouting has some excellent formal leadership instruction for the young men.  In Venturing, I am trying to promote the use of the Venturing Leadership Skills Course (VLSC) and Kodiak, plus an introduction to leadership for youth newly called or assigned to leader positions, the Crew Officer’s Briefing.  Our ward leaders are blissfully unaware of these excellent BSA resources.  These programs are significant in several ways.  First, they are designed with the learning styles of most adolescent males in mind.  Instruction is not academic in style, but typically begins with an activity that then allows leadership conclusions to be derived.  Second, these lessons are designed, once that the training has been initially received by a youth, to then be taught by that youth, so that learning of the lesson content is reinforced and the young man develops confidence and skill in teaching.

Regarding the VLSC and Kodiak, the Venturing program proposes that crews establish and calendar a cycle of Leadership Training programs for the young men, termed “The Nature of Leadership” featuring these two programs each presented yearly in the Crew.  The VLSC might be scheduled annually as a overnight retreat in mid- or late-winter, while the Kodiak course should be offered annually as a part of the summer superactivity.  For the initial year, the training would be conducted by adult Advisors and/or young men outside the crew who have been recipients of the training such as a stake VOA or another crew.  For ensuing years, trainers should be mostly members of the Crew/Quorum previously trained, with advisors assisting and facilitating as needed.

Several months ago, I reported on having trained young men of the VOA on the VLSC ("May 5 bullets"), and then their being the faculty to present this course to a number of other young men of our stake.

New temple film

Wendy and I did an endowment session at the Mt.Timpanogos temple today.  We were excited to experience the new endowment film for the first time.  It was moving to me and had lots of special new effects.  The wording of this ordinance is inspiring to me, whether in film or in person, as at Manti or Salt Lake temples, but I also found in addition that this production was inspiring in an added way.

Backyard orchard and garden shots

Our garden is progressing.  We just picked our entire crop of apricots.  Frost got most of the crop.  The nectarines and peaches look quite promising.  Our rhubarb plant gets bigger every year.  Our tomato plants are healthy and have lots of  blossoms and marble sized fruit (or should I say, vegetables?).  We have a row each of chard and of kohlrabi.

Art by Brian

Wendy's son Brian is featured right now with a display of his art at the BYU Museum of Art.  He has a couple of pieces there, which are video art, a new form.  The one is a 4 minute piece which shows old trees, barren in winter and apparently enveloped in fog, with a series of evolving images of these naked trees.  Interestingly, about half way through, a squirrel leaps between the branches.  The second piece takes about 7 minutes and is accompanied by some somber music, and combines flocks of birds whirling around some city buildings and then one of the building collapses in a big cloud of dust and the birds are seen evacuating the area.  It has the feel of real art.  My pictures do not do this justice, of course.

Family connections

We spent most all of yesterday at things related the marriage of Wendy’s nephew Danny Johnson–marriage in the Salt Lake Temple, luncheon at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, reception in the evening at an old restored home in South Jordan–and found several connections to our Lewis family. 

To start, Danny is a younger brother of Emily and Elizabeth Johnson, who David knew at Taylorsville HS.  They live in the old Bennion area of Taylorsville City.  We like Danny a lot.  He is a RM, has just completed a masters degree at the U in exercise physiology, and is a friendly and solid guy.

His new wife, Kelsie Haymond, also went to school at Taylorsville HS graduating in 2006, so is a little younger than any of our family.  She served a mission in the Philippines, and is also a UofU graduate.  She is the youngest of a family of seven, so has older siblings who attended THS.  Their names: Kim, Alex, Melonie, Spencer, Adam, and Lori.  Early on this family was in Richard McDougal’s stake (Taylorsville West), but for a number of years more recently have lived in the Bennion Stake a little west of Redwood Road about 6000 South.  We wonder if any of our kids knew any of these Haymonds at THS?

We were interested to learn that Kelsie’s parents are currently serving as couple missionaries in the Salt Lake Central Mission, living at home of course.  We heard a little of the work and progress of this mission from them, but they had not heard of our Elder Ryan Chandler.  They are serving in what they called the Taylorsville-Bennion district, and he has served his entire mission to the east of the Jordan River in Midvale and Murray.

We found an even more interesting connection at the reception.  President and Sister Moffet, Elder Chandler’s mission leaders, were there, probably at the invitation of this, one of their senior missionary couples.  Wendy was acquainted with them, at least with sister Moffet, from living in the same stake many years ago.  We sat with them for a few minutes enjoying our Leatherby’s sundaes.  President Moffet said that Elder Chandler was a very strong missionary and doing a great job, currently serving as a trainer to a new elder.  Coincidently, he told us that he had plans to visit with these elders later this very evening.  It would be interesting to know the details of that visit.  I said that we really enjoyed Ryan’s letters home, and that he had the very interesting practice after he reported on the events of the week, to have a second section of his letter each week where he preached the Gospel to the family.  President Moffet said humorously, “Well, you probably need it.”

Be, be, be prepared; the motto of the boy scouts

In the last couple of week, I had two big events with my 11 year old scouts.  Ont Friday and Saturday June 14-15, we were at Adventure Park, which is a scout camp just for 11 year olds.  It is at the end of the road on the North Fork of Hobble Creek, east of Provo Peak and takes most of an hour to get there, mostly because the last 2 miles are a terrible road.  (They say 2 miles but it seemed like 10, all twists, turns, rocks, bumps, and dust.  The camp is in a pretty setting however, rather primitive and wooded.  There is just a dribble of water in the Creek at that point.

I went with some trepidation, concerned that it had been a few years since I had camped with scouts, and that maybe my old body couldn’t put up with sleeping in the wilds and chasing 11 year olds for 2 days.  But I could, and it was still fun to be in camp with boys.  The comaraderie, the joking, watching the guys learn and explore still had some magic.

It was sort of a “de je vous” experience.  I remembered how similar I felt after my first heart attack, and that was 29 years ago.  I was insecure about what my body could tolerate for a time, and steered away from strenuous outdoor stuff.  After a couple of years someone pushed me (maybe Larry Kn) to go on a backpacking trip to the Uinta Mountains with the older boys in the ward.  Was Matthew in that group?  Anyway, I resolve to not do anything too strenuous, like climb a mountain.  I knew I could carry the pack OK, but also that they were planning to climb a peak to flash signals to other scouts on other mountaintops.  The day came and we were camped right below a mountain called Cleveland Peak, which is on the ridge above Moon Lake and Brown Duck basin.  The kids and leaders stated the climb.  It was not technical, just taking strong legs and strong lungs.  Boyd W was there as a member of the Bishopric, about 10 years older that I, and we resolved to stay together in camp.  However, as we saw people start to climb, we decided to follow them slowly to a point where they disappeared over a ridge.  After a few minutes we made it comfortably to the ridge and we saw the climbers ahead of us hiking toward the peak.  My body and heart and lungs were doing just fine, so I kept going clear to the top with the strongest of the group.  It was now obvious that there were no limits physically on what I could do, so at that hour I lost any fears and insecurities about pushing my body.  It was a wonderful revelation that allowed me to have a number of other outdoor experiences, without anxiety, over the next number of years.

I thought about my Cleveland Peak epiphany as I was finding last week that my 76 year old body could still enjoy a good camp with the scouts.

Mt. Nebo

Also, on this very morning, Randy R (my new assistant) and I did a 5 mile hike with our little patrol.  We did the Spanish Fork River Trail and River Bottoms Road loop.  We had Josh with us and also Sterling M and Ethan C.  We stopped every half mile or so and shot a direction with a compass.  We made it a contest, where each boy would shoot the direction and tell us their reading, then Randy would shoot the same object and the kid the closest to Randy’s reading would win.  At first the variation was quite wide like 20-30 degrees, but by the time we approached our car, they were coming within 2-3 degrees of each other and Randy.  For the last shot, which was the peak of Mt. Nebo, two of the kids had readings of 200 degrees and Joshua called it 199 degrees.  Randy, the politician that he is, announced that the official direction was 199.5, and everyone was happy.  This is the best that any group I have had of 11 year olds, in mastering use of a compass.

Wendy fixed a waffle breakfast for all of us before we went at 7:30 am.  It took us over three hours to hike the five miles.  The boys found lots of things to explore along the way and I was glad for the not so fast pace.  I came home and took a long nap, and now am not the worse for wear for my latest scouting adventure.

The “Buddy” system

While at 11 year old camp last Friday and Saturday, we pushed the BUDDY rule.  We had four boys so needed two buddy groups.  Joshua was with Jared and Ethan with Sterling.  They got into the spirit of buddiness and did a pretty good job of staying together as buddies.  They were able to tell us the reason for the system–to protect their buddy and keep each other safe, from getting lost, and to give or go for help as needed. 

Sterling’s dad, Chad M, was there, and he told us of his experience as a soldier in Iraq.  In the army, each man had a BATTLE BUDDY.  The reasons and responsibilities were similar to the scouting buddy.  He said if an enemy sniper had you both pinned down and you needed to get to safer place, your buddy might shoot a bunch of shots in the vicinity of the sniper, while you ran for better cover.  Then you would shoot a bunch of shots to cover your buddy while he joined you.  Without such a battle buddy you might be killed.

Then we realized that there were other kinds of important buddies.  In just a few short years, these scouts will have a buddy called– – a MISSIONARY COMPANION.  Missionary companions also help keep their buddy safe, and as Jared reminded us, “in the mouth of two witnesses” your testimony will be established with the people you meet.

After their missions they could start to look for their ETERNAL COMPANION, for the Lord has decreed that it is not ever good “for man to be alone.”  Until you find an eternal companion to marry, you will be incomplete as a person, but eternal marriage makes you “whole.”

Terryl and Fiona Givens have reminded us that “the heaven toward which we aspire consists of LOVING RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE ETERNAL.”  “God himself is a relational being.”  “Divine families encircled by his fire and light are the very essence of life and eternal life; without them this earth–indeed this cosmos–will have missed the measure of its creation.” (“The God who weeps”, pp. 106-107.  The last quote is from Truman Madsen.)

Provo temple shift line assignments

We got a new men's coordinators for our Thursday shift at the Provo temple several months ago.  To be helpful, I volunteered to redesign the men's line assignments for them.  They wanted to go to a 30 minute schedule for initiatory ordinances, which would reduce the length of time that workers are doing these ordinance from 40 or 60 minutes at a time and make temple service more friendly for older men who do not have the stamina to stand for longer periods of time.  They were using the Excel spreadsheet program to document and communicate these assignments.  The matrix covers as many as 10 different assignments (or "line") for each of about 60 workers.

In the process of this redesign, we tried to solve some other problems, including people taking excessive time for lunch, and uneven coverage at different times of the day for other temple ordinances and procedures.  I also found that the old program did not use some of the power that  Excel has to save coordinator entry time, but required double entries and hours of double checking reports for consistency.  In my design, I used the concept of a single master page, where most all of the changes are made, and these entries flow through to and populate data on various subsidiary sheets needed in components of the temple processes.

We tried the new assignment sheets Thursday for the first time with considerable success and lots of complementary responses.  We did find one type of glitch for which I need to find solutions.  The problem is that there are a handful of interdependent assignments from which a worker cannot leave  until his replacement arrives, but the replacement cannot come until the

first person leaves his current assignment and arrives at the new post.  As you might guess, this causes some problems.  I have looked carefully now at the entire master assignment sheet and identified every instance where it appears this problem might be present and tweaked the master design in order to implement the needed fixes.  We will try out the revised schedule next week and hope everything works.

I had a new missionary comp for 24 hours

Several weeks ago Philip W. contacted us for a favor–to pick up his son, Benjamin, who had a mission call, at the SL airport on this past Tuesday and keep him overnight and take him to the MTC Wednesday.  Philip is a family history contact that I made a year or so ago.  Shortly after beginning to research the family of Theophilus Lewis, probable brother of our ancestor John Lewis, and document the descendants Theophilus’ oldest daughter, Nancy Caroline Lewis, I discovered that someone had submitted names of some of her descendants for temple work.  Philip W. is her descendant.  He was a convert to the Church in his early 20s, served a mission in Washington State, the came to Utah to finish his schooling, graduating from the U of U and finding a convert to the Church from TX to marry (they met at the SL family history library), works at Duke University in the admission office giving computer support, and lives in from Wake Forest, NC, a suburb of Raleigh, in an area that we are quite familiar with from our mission.

We made a connection.  I just love to find Church members among the distant relatives that I am trying to identify in my family history work, and to have the NC experience in common also was a nice bonus.

They have three children, and the oldest, Benjamin has a mission call to Arizona Tempe.  He has just finished a year at BYU-I.  They have no family connections in Utah (other than us).  I talked to Elder W. on the phone and we worked up a plan.  Wendy and I picked him up at the SL airport Tuesday at about 11 am.  We drove to downtown SL, had lunch at Crownburger, then spent a couple of hours at Temple Square, which he had never visited before.  We helped him find a Distribution Center and a Mr. Mac’s, to exchange some clothes that were the wrong size (they had shopped by internet), to buy an alarm clock at Wal-Mart, and brought him home to get over his jet lag and 4 am flight start.  On Wednesday morning we took in an endowment session with him at the Provo temple (it was only his second time), went to lunch at Brick Oven, and did the drop-off routine at the MTC.

Elder W. was a pleasant companion for a day (he needed one–missionary rules, you know).  We enjoyed this experience a lot.  We got well acquainted with sister W. by phone to report on the visit and get her son to the MTC.  She was pretty emotional.  Wendy assured her that she had cried in her behalf at the MTC drop-off.

VOA presentation to leaders of 11 stakes

I had a very pleasing experience last Tuesday in the early morning.  The commissioner for our scouting district had invited me to make a 45 minute presentation on our stake Venturing Officers Association (VOA) to representatives from the 11 stakes that are in our scouting district (members of Stake Presidencies and stake YM Presidencies).  VOAs are a significant feature of Venturing and opportunity for giving young men growth opportunities, but are not used very often.  I think we are the only stake in our district that has been successful in getting a VOA off the ground.  A VOA is an organization covering a group of Venturing Crews. It is made up of 1) a presidency and 2) representatives of crews in its jurisdiction or representatives coming from lower level VOAs if organized at a broader level.  One of my assignments from our stake presidency when I was called into the stake YM Presidency a little over a year ago was to make Venturing work better in our stake, and creating a stake VOA was an important part of that strategy.

With lots of support from President Christensen (stake President) and his 2nd Counselor, President Blair, we got our first VOA going by last fall.  We are now in the process of calling a new Presidency for the coming year (June-May).  The current VOA accomplished several things, including getting trained so as to be able to present on 8 hour course in leadership skills to the rest of the Priests of the stake.

After receiving this invitation, I in turn extended an invitation to key members of our VOA to help make this presentation.  I worked up an outline which they agree to, and prepared a handout.  I met with these young men twice in preparation, and they ended up making almost the entire presentation.  I sure was proud of them.  I think it showed off very well our stake’s accomplishments with our VOA and what great things youth can do if the adults will get out of the way.

Presenting were Dallin B, our current VOA President, Zach V, our current program VP, and Nathan C, who will be the President for the coming year.

Side note: About everywhere I go, it seems to be my destiny to organize a VOA.  This is my fourth VOA.  I established a Stake VOA (then an EPA–Explorer Presidents Association) while Stake YM President in Taylorsville Central Stake.  I worked with a district EPA for the Olde English Fort District for several years.  When we moved to SF, I organized a VOA in the Palmyra District and was adviser for 3 years until we went on our mission.  (Our president the third year was a girl, Jennifer Lowe, who went on to become the Council VOA, Area VOA, and then National Venturing President.)  After the mission, I thought I was retired from the VOA adviser calling, but our stake leaders called me out of retirement and here I am again.  It sure is fun to keep associating with outstanding young people and to see them grow.

What is a real man, II?

Here is a question that I got from (somewhere I can’t remember): You are a man, married and have one child.  You are almost out of money and can’t get any more.  You have just enough money to buy two hamburgers.  Who gets the hamburgers?  You, your wife, or your child?
Answer: Your wife and child, because as a man you have a commitment to serve others’ needs before our own.

Why did a number of men on the Willie-Martin handcart companies die before other members of their families?  Answer: Because they were real men who, when the company became short of food, gave up their share of the rations so that their wives and children could have more to eat.

When I was a boy, Perfect Circle piston rings advertised its products using a very muscular, tough-looking, grizzled man tenderly holding a baby chick or something like that, with the caption “So tough, but oh so gentle.”  It somehow reminded me of my Dad, who was big and muscular, and who always took on the hardest job when I was working with him, but also could recite poetry and play tender songs on the mandolin, a sort of “strong and sensitive” or “strong and giving” combination.  Hence the statement, “Ideal manhood is strong, but uses that strength first to help others.”

Who is the ideal man?  Christ.  He had all power, yet submitted to the suffering in Gethsemene and Calvary in order to benefit others.  He was strong, including strength to endure unbelievable pain and suffering.  He was strong and perfect in many ways including his altruism.  And he absolutely restrained from any sin.  Yet he had a tender love for sinners.

Christ was also the Son of Man.  Man of Holiness was one of the names for his Father, our Heavenly Father.  Capitalizing this word seems to portray that Christ had a model of an ideal Man as his father.  As do we.

Memorial Day gathering at the Spanish Fork Cemetery

Here are some close-ups for persons not able to be here.

Valerie's family

Alison's family with 2 grandchildren

David's family

Angela's family

Thanks to Kimberly for her work to keep these flowers growing to cover new family members. 
We were accidentally one flower short, and so, for this day, we used a placeholder flower for Miguel (see it right behind the Staci flower).  We'll fix that for next year.

After our time at the cemetery, we went to our place and grilled some hamburgers and also had a productive family meeting making plans for the 20th anniversary Lewis Legacy camp in July.