Telephoto Views of Temples

 I have developed a fascination with temple pictures that utilize a telephoto lens or a long view at least, to show unique backgrounds for temples.  Here are some samples:

Cardston temple with Waterton Peaks in background

Draper temple with Mt. Timpanogas in back

Another Draper temple with Mt. Timpanogas in back

Another Draper temple shot with Timpanogas in back, from Oquirrh Mt temple grounds

Draper temple with Kennecott and Oquirrh Mts.  Where would the  Oquirrh Mt temple be located?

Logan temple

Manti temple

Mt Timpanogas temple with Santaquin/Loafer in back

Payson temple and Provo temple in distance

Jordan river with Oquirrh Mts in back

Kansas City in sunset

My pic--Oakland temple at night

Provo temple and Mt. Timpanogas.  There is a shaft of morning sunlight down Rock Canyon illuminating the temple

Rexburg temple with Tetons behind

St George temple

Twin Falls temple with Snake River gorge in foreground

A New Temple Passion

A shot I took of the Payson Temple

I want to describe some interesting, surprising, and unusual feelings I experienced after Wendy and I returned from our two weeks of visiting temples every day, while our Payson temple was closed for cleaning.  We did endowment sessions in 12 temples, including multiples in St.
George (4x) and Boise (2x).  We did initiatories in 2 temples, Manti and Brigham City, and sealings in 4 temples, Las Vegas, St. George, Manti, and Boise.  When we got home, surprisingly, I did not feel tired of these experiences.  The following Wednesday was our ward Relief Society’s monthly temple session which I usually attend if only one or two sisters are going.  On about Monday I recall remarking to Wendy that it seemed like it had been a long time since we had been in the temple and I was excited and anxious for Wednesday to come.  There seemed to be s sort of hold-over glow from the prior two weeks that made me have a strong desire to back in a temple again.

This was a new experience for me.  I have always had a positive attitude about temple attendance, but not the kind of passion and attraction I have been feeling since our temple trip, where the temple feels so much like home, that I am missing it if I am away from it for more than a day or so.

Temple Holiday Week 2

We began this week on Monday Oct 30th, by doing a morning session in the Provo temple with Nathan, then set out for Boise.  We had 2 nights’ reservations at one of our favorite hotels, the Oxford, just across freeway to the south from the Boise temple.  See the night picture of that temple from our hotel window.  We overate at a Tucahnos restaurant which was at the edge of the hotel’s parking and then were dismayed to find out as we returned to our hotel room that the Astros were losing World Series game 6.  (We had just become Astros fans when they beat the Yankees in the AL playoffs.)

We started Tuesday by driving the 12 miles and 25 minutes to the Meridian temple open house.  We drove through a lot of nice family housing on the way.  The immediate setting for this temple is rural on the edge of residential, on the edge of a bench overlooking some river bottoms and is bordered by some small ponds and landscaped walks.  The temple itself seems to me to have a bulky stone look on the order of the Cardston Temple which was designed 100 years or so ago by Church architects who were influenced by the then popular Frank Lloyd Wright prairie school of architecture.  After the open house we returned to the Boise temple for the rest of the day, and then at the end of the evening cheered the Astros on to World Series victory.

Wednesday morning we left for Twin Falls (about a 2 hour drive), and as we were arriving stopped to admire the Snake river gorge just north of town.  We love the mural in the ordinance room which depicts the enormous falls in the river just a mile or two east of the temple.  After doing an endowment session there we drove another 2 hours to Idaho Falls and did another endowment session there.  We loved the new refreshed paintings, murals and furnishings, and the fairly unique 4-stage endowment process, which uses the original temple rooms in the same way as the live presentation from the time when the temple was first dedicated in 1945.

As we were driving toward Idaho Falls, a storm front was passing.  The air was quite dusty and the car shook.  We heard that I-15 was closed that afternoon a few miles east of Idaho Falls because of the blowing dust.

We stayed at a nice motel in Idaho Falls Wednesday night, and had breakfast at a favorite old restaurant, Smitty’s.  Wendy was excited to again be able to have their gluton-free pancakes.  Then we left for Rexburg (30 minute drive), did a temple session there in the late morning, and then left for Afton WY.  This is about a 2 hour drive with the latter part for about 20 miles along the Palasades Reservoir, on the Snake River.  It was a dark and cloudy day with snow line on the surrounding mountains and the scenery very dramatic.  Wendy was driving, so I took a lot of pictures as we traveled along the reservoir.  We had reservations for the 6:30 Star Valley temple session (a necessity because the session was full), and stayed Thursday night at the new Marriott Fairfield Inn.

On Friday morning we left for Logan, a 2 ½ hour drive.  It rained hard most of the way, especially as we went through a couple of mountain ranges.  We passed by Bear Lake and followed the Logan River into the city.  We did a temple session there in the early afternoon, then left for Brigham City and its temple for another session in the early evening.  We then drove to Ogden and stay the night at my sister Dorothy’s place.

On Saturday morning, Quin and Alison joined us for a session at the Ogden temple.  Dorothy wasn’t feeling too well and didn’t go, but roused herself to go with four of us for lunch.  Then we left for home, picking up Wendy’s son Michael in Salt Lake on the way to join us to celebrate Wendy’s birthday on Sunday.

Boise temple from our hotel window

Meridian temple with open house tents

Decorative pond by temple

Boise temple entrance

Snake River gorge at Twin Falls

Bridge over gorge at Twin Falls

Twin Falls temple

Twin Falls temple

Palisades Reservoir

Palisades Reservoir

Palisades Reservoir

Add caption

Star Valley temple

Palisades Reservoir

Temple Holiday Week 1

With the Payson temple closed for cleaning for two weeks, we set out on a Temple workers’ holiday, (which is, of course) to attend as many other temples as possible.  We visited 14 temples in 10 days (12 functioning temples and 2 open houses), drove 1956 miles, and completed family temple work with 32 endowments, 40 couple sealings, and 24 initiatories in these temples.

We left on Tuesday, Oct 24th and took up residence in a patron apartment of the St.George temple for three nights.  We spent Tuesday evening in the temple there, and visited our favorite frozen custard place for toasted almond chocolate malt concrete.  (Nielsen’s from Bountiful has an outpost there.)  On Wednesday, we then drove for the day to the Las Vegas temple.  While there we also had a visit with a first cousin of Wendy’s, Billy Newman.  They saw each often as kids, but not for about 50 years.  He has had an interesting life, served in Viet Nam, rodeo rider, many years in police work, is currently over security at the UNLV Thomas & Mack arena.  He spent 10 years in private security work for guess who?? Donald Trump, protecting Miss World contestants and the like.  He said he couldn’t express any opinion of the President because of papers he signed when he left that employment.

We spent all Thursday in the St. George temple, then had dinner with Eunice, Wendy’s dad’s second wife, who still lives in nearby Bloomington.  She is 91 years old and is pretty well maintained.  She still works a temple shift.  Wendy has made peace with her feelings about Eunice, but we still wonder about the details and history of the relationship with her dad.  She said he was “the love of her life.”  She was married before and again after he died.

On Friday we headed north with Cedar City temple tour tickets.  Another gorgeous temple, and such excitement on the part of the locals.  Sure were a lot of kids helping at the temple.  The temple is in a nice housing area, and very prominently visible coming from the north on the freeway.  We continued on north by way of the Manti temple and did an endowment session there, then arrived home arrived home in the late evening.

At the Cedar temple we found Sister Jessica Starta helping with the Open House.  She was a little girl from the Mt. Zion branch in NC when we were missionaries there.

With Billy Newman

St. George, so white

With Sister Starta at the Cedar City open house

Cedar City temple

See the Utah blue sky

Some Interesting Spanish Fork Cemetery Graves

There are a couple of interesting grave sites in the very south end of the Spanish Fork Cemetery, not far from where JoAnn and Michael are buried.  They are for Olof and Kristina Vikland and for Ernest and Thora Campbell.  This map shows their location:

     The  paternal grandparents of our Taylorsville neighbor Helen Warnick, Olof Peter Viklund and Anna Erika Kristina Anderson, were buried in the Spanish Fork Cemetery not very far from our Lewis family graves.  They were raised in Sweden, and married there in 1896.  He was baptized into the LDS church in 1908 and she in 1913.  They immigrated to Spanish Fork, Utah, in 1914 with their seven children, including their oldest child, Helen’s father, Per Victor Viklund.  Two more children were born in Spanish Fork.  The father Olof was a Blacksmith, who died prematurely in 1918 of Peritonitis, probably brought on by Tuberculosis, according to his death certificate. The mother Anna lived until 1966.  It would be interesting to learn how she survived in this new country, with probably limited language skills, and nine children including two under the age of four when her husband passed away.  Her funeral in the Spanish Fork 6th ward lists participation by a sort of Who’s Who of the town, including JoAnn’s old seminary teacher Brother Whitehead, who lived in our ward when we first came back to Spanish Fork in 1964.
     Find-a-grave memorial
Olif Peter Viklund 
Birth: May 9, 1869
Death: Apr. 19, 1918
Family links:
 Children:
  Victor Per Viklund (1897 - 1984)*
Burial:
Spanish Fork City Cemetery
Spanish Fork
Utah County
Utah, USA
Plot: 18.02 .09
Maintained by: Find A Grave
Originally Created by: John Warnke
Record added: Nov 05, 2005
Find A Grave Memorial# 12260193
     Find-a-grave memorial   
Kristina Anderson Viklund
Birth: Jan. 7, 1877
Death: May 27, 1966
Family links:
 Children:
  Victor Per Viklund (1897 - 1984)*
Burial:
Spanish Fork City Cemetery
Spanish Fork
Utah County
Utah, USA
Plot: 18.02 .10
Maintained by: Find A Grave
Originally Created by: John Warnke
Record added: Nov 05, 2005
Find A Grave Memorial# 12260178

     Near the Viklund graves is the gravesite for Wendy’s relatives, Ernest Campbell and his wife Thora.  Ernest Campbell (“Colonel”) was a step brother to and raised with Wendy’s father Kenneth P. Borg.  He was the son of Anna Hanna Morton by her first husband,  Ernest Murchie Campbell.  That marriage quickly disintegrated and a divorce occurred shortly after the baby was born.  At about the same time, Andrew Moroni Borg’s wife passed away leaving him with a small baby. Andrew Borg and Anna Morton Campbell then married, joining their families with the two two-year-old boys, Kenneth and Ernest.  In addition to the two boys, Andrew and Anna became parents of a younger daughter, Donna Borg.
  
     Find-a-grave memorial
Ernest W. "Colonel" Campbell
Birth: Dec. 4, 1915
Death: Feb. 7, 2008
Obituary:
Completed his earthly mission peacefully on Wednesday, February 7. Daughter-in-law, Liza, a registered nurse, provided loving, skillful and selfless care throughout his illnesses, adding quality to his final years. Born in Salt Lake City, Utah. Raised by his mother Annie Morton Borg and stepfather, Andrew Borg. Married Juanita Nyman. Married for seventeen years. Adopted two children Courtney and Tove Campbell. Juanita died tragically following a three-year battle with breast cancer. Leave Colonel with two young children to raise. Sealed to Thora Johnson in the Salt Lake Temple. Was a widow with three daughters. Became a stepfather to Shirley (Dwayne) McCartney, Evelyn (Nick) Duka and Susan Williams. Colonel and Thora had four children: Kimberly (Steve) Green, David (Lisa), Christine and Heather.
Served an mission in New Zealand for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Corporal in the U.S. Army during World War II, serving in the European theatre. Recipient of four bronze stars. Chief accountant at KALL Radio for 32 years. Retired at 62 to start his own business, Campbell Clan, producing and marketing specialty notepads, distributed in seven states.
Survived by his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Predeceased by his wives Juanita Nyman Campbell and Thora Johnson Campbell, brother Kenneth P. Borg and sister Donna B. Norton.
Burial:
Spanish Fork City Cemetery
Spanish Fork
Utah County
Utah, USA
Maintained by: Find A Grave
Originally Created by: John Warnke
Record added: Feb 10, 2008
Find A Grave Memorial# 24550105

     Thora Johnson was the second wife of Ernest Campbell. She had also been previously married and was widowed.  Her parents, Marinus Johnson and Kate Arnason, were born and raised in Spanish Fork.  Their parents were all born in Iceland and were LDS converts who settled in Spanish Fork in the 1880s.  Here are some records for Thora and her family of origin.

     1930 U S Census for Elberta, Utah, Utah (Sheet 2B, hh# 55/55, 8 Apr)
Marinus E Johnson Head M W age 34 Mg at age 20  b.UT  Farmer
Katie A Johnson   Wife F W age 34 Mg at age 20  b.UT
Lavern Johnson    Dau F W age 12  b.UT
Marinus E Johnson Son M W age 9  b.UT
Thora L Johnson   Dau F W age 6  b.UT
Darlene Johnson   Dau F W age 4  b.UT
     1940 U S Census for Spanish Fork, Utah, Utah (Sheet 10A, hh# 166, 13 Apr)
Marenus Johnson      Head M W age 46  Md  Ed: grade 6  b.UT  Farmer
Kate Johnson         Wife F w age 44  Md  Ed: grade 8  b.UT
Laverne Johnson      Dau F W age 22 Ed: 1 year college b.UT Stenographer
Marenus Johnson, Jr. Son M W age 19 Ed: 2 years HS  b.UT
Thora Johnson        Dau F W age 16 Ed: 2 year HS  b.UT
Darlene Johnson      Dau F W age 14 Ed: grade 9  b.UT
     U.S., Social Security Applications and Claims Index, 1936-2007
Name: Thora Leone Johnson [Thora Johnson Williams] [Thora Campbell]
Gender: Female
Race: White
Birth Date: 30 Jun 1923
Birth Place: Salt Lake City, Utah
Death Date: 2 May 2001
Father: Marinus E Johnson
Mother: Katie H Arnason
SSN: 529203610
Notes: Jul 1941: Name listed as THORA LEONE JOHNSON; Apr 1951: Name listed as THORA JOHNSON WILLIAMS; Feb 1973: Name listed as THORA JOHNSON CAMPBELL; 02 Sep 1987: Name listed as THORA J CAMPBELL
     Find-a-grave memorial
Thora L. Johnson Campbell
Birth: Jun. 30, 1923
Death: May 2, 2001
Burial:
Spanish Fork City Cemetery
Spanish Fork
Utah County
Utah, USA
Plot: 18.09 .10
Maintained by: Find A Grave
Originally Created by: John Warnke
Record added: Jun 06, 2005
Find A Grave Memorial# 11096156

     Ernest and Thora had four children between them including David Campbell, who some of us met at the Bonnie Borg Johnson viewing.

An Extraordinary Little Book and Family Connections

 A number of years ago, to support my children serving as LDS missionaries, I wrote a statement about my conviction of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, which included a description of an experience that served as the beginnings of my testimony of this book:

“In the home, my mother introduced her LDS beliefs to me and my sister Dorothy.  During one of the times when she gathered her children by her to talk of religious things, I had an experience which provided a foundation for my spiritual development in life.  I was about age 7 or 8 at the time and remember sitting by my mother leaning against her arm while she read aloud from the Book of Mormon.  She paused and commented that the Lord has promised that he will testify to persons through the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  She asked if we had ever felt such promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I started to reply, "No, I don't think I have felt any of these things", when the most unusual feeling came over me.  A warmness and excitement came into my heart that I had never experienced before and I felt a sort of a thrill go up and down my spine.  I came to recognize these feelings as being similar to that described by two disciples of the Lord in the Luke 24:32, and am convinced that the Holy Ghost had witnessed to me at that young age of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.”  (p. 4, My Testimony of the Book of Mormon, Pt. I. in my little book for family: “Nearer to God; The Book of Mormon and the Good News of Christ”)

I would like to add some details to this account.  As I have reflected more upon this experience, I believe that my mother, to introduce her children to her religious convictions, used both the Book of Mormon itself but also a small book for children written by William A. Morton.  The latter combined two volumes written many years before by Brother Morton: “From Plowboy to Prophet” (originally published in 1912) and “Mother Stories from the Book of Mormon” (originally published in 1911).  I now believe that my mother had been reading from the latter rather than the Book of Mormon itself at the time of the experience mentioned above.

I found the following quote interesting, suggesting that these Morton books were widely used by Church families with children in the early 1900s and also showing that President Hinckley felt he had been blessed by the Mother Stories book, similar to my experience:

"While sorting through some books in my library recently, I came across a little volume whose back was broken and whose leaves were loose, a condition that came from much use by careless but loving hands of small children who treasured that volume from which our mother read to us. The book is MOTHER STORIES FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON by William Albert Morton. It was first published about 1911. "As I thumbed through the pages, there came into my mind pictures of cold winter nights when we sat about the stove in our home, our mother reading to us about the great characters of the Nephite record. "This was my first introduction to the Book of Mormon. Reading from the Book of Mormon itself occurred when we were a little older and could understand the more difficult language and the more complex thread of the story. It was in those initial circumstances that there developed within us a love for this sacred volume and for other wonderful pieces of writing that she shared with us." (from “The Wondrous Power of a Mother” by Gordon B. and Marjorie P. Hinckley, quoted in a description of the book Mother Stories From the Book of Mormon, in an internet advertisement of a current reprint, accessed October 6, 2017)

William A. Morton was a convert to Church, being baptized as a young man in 1890, in Banbridge, Down, Ireland.  After his conversion, he and his wife and child immigrated almost immediately to Utah.  He was a printer and typesetter for the Deseret News, and authored a number of books on religious topics.  He served two missions to Great Britain, from 1906-1909 and again from 1921-1923.  During the latter time, he was editor of the Millennial Star.  He died in 1930 in Salt Lake City at age 64.

In about 1944, when I was 6 or 7 years old, our family was living on our little farm in Glenwood, Washington, my dad working long hours in a logging job and also tending the farm.  Our country was absorbed in the fighting of World War II.  We were generally attending a little Bible-oriented Protestant church in Glenwood, and were quite isolated from the LDS Church.  The nearest LDS church was in Hood River, Oregon, more than an hour’s drive away, but impossible to attend due to gasoline rationing and other things. We had no nearby members of the Church.  My mother, maybe from a subscription she was maintaining of the Church’s Improvement Era magazine (predecessor to The Ensign), happened to see a note that Deseret Book had re-published two little books for children that William A. Morton had written many years before.  (I assume that her mother Kate may have had a copy when my mother was a little girl.)  My mother wrote to her father, Frank Davenport, who was now widowed and who was recently retired and had moved to Utah and was now living in the home of his son Franklin.  She asked if he would buy a copy of the newly re-published Morton book for her.  In the front of this book she obtained, my grandfather has written in his beautiful script:
       To Hazel
                   From Papa
        Provo, Utah 3/24/44

I have this very copy of the book in my library.

After Wendy and I were married, there was a day when were talking about her family heritage and she happened to mention the name of William A. Morton.  One of his daughters was Annie Hanna Morton.  I learned that Wendy’s father, Kenneth Borg, had lost his mother when he was two years old.  Kenneth’s father, Andrew Moroni Borg, was remarried shortly thereafter to Annie Hanna Morton.  Therefore Annie Morton Borg, daughter of William A. Morton, was Wendy’s grandmother figure on her dad’s side of the family, during her growing-up years.

As I think about this connection, I am powerfully moved by the thought that Wendy has in her genealogy a man who wrote a little book for children, that my mother was inspired to go to a lot of trouble to seek out, while living in a situation far removed from the influence of the Church, and read this book to a little boy, who gained from this experience a foundational testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and of the Lord’s Church.

Forgiveness in Families

Elder Mark A. Bragg of the Seventy, a speaker in last April General Conference, referred to some interesting studies of successful organizations by Kim Cameron, a Professor of Business Management at the University of Michigan and also LDS church member and leader.  Dr. Cameron reported that certain positive leadership behaviors within human organizations, including social communities, businesses, and families, promote “life-giving , flourishing outcomes.  Elder Bragg states that “it makes perfect sense that as people turn towards the positive (light), the attributes perfectly exemplified by the Light of the World, Jesus Christ, are present!”  He identified three critical components of this light, as applied in a successful organizational culture, compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude.

I’d like to focus on the application of these principles in families, and especially the importance of forgiveness.  There are no perfect families.  There are no perfect parents.  There are no perfect children.  To enjoy the benefits of family-- love, support, strength--these imperfections need forgiveness.  Day in and day out, to promote good family chemistry and spirit, family members need to exhibit forgiveness.  This includes efforts in two directions.

First, persons need to be sensitive to signs that they may have offended another family member and be quick to extend apologies.  Sometimes, there may the need for us to express sorrow over the existence of interpersonal problems, even when there is the appearance to us, at least initially, that we are not the one at fault.  At the height of the situation when Wendy was separating from her first husband, she spent a Saturday in the temple praying to know what she needed to do to move on with her life and have feelings of peace.  While attending sacrament meeting the next day, a strong spiritual impression came to her that she should make an apology to him.  Here was a situation in which he had abandoned his Church and temple covenants, been insensitive and even verbally abusive in many of their interactions for many years, turned their children in negative directions, and had been unfaithful with other women.  Why would the Spirit direct Wendy to ask forgiveness?  After some initial pondering, she obeyed this prompting, writing a letter in which she asked forgiveness for anything she had done that was hurtful to him.  It didn’t matter to her if or how he might respond.  She felt a great sense of peace afterward, as if she had now done absolutely everything that was her responsibility in this relationship.  I had a similar experience recently regarding a conflict with another leader over how we should carry out our 11 year old scout program.  I felt justified, yet the spiritual prompting came that I needed to apologize.  When I did, I sensed that it had been good to acknowledge his feelings and disappointment, although nothing much was changed regarding the way the program would need to be be operated or the antagonism of the other person.  Still, obeying the Spirit was very comforting and satisfying and gave me peace.

Second, persons should be quick to accept such forgiveness when offered.  Additionally, problems in relationships need to not be left to fester, but be approached with sensitivity and love.  Some wise person suggested what they called  the 80% rule, that you will have trouble effecting problem behavior of another person when positive interactions are less that 80% between you two.  In other words, when four/fifths of your interactions are positive then you stand a chance of having the other persons accept corrective communication.

Still, there may exist issues where there is no sensitivity on the part of the other person that offense has been given, but it is impractical or impossible to raise the issue for some kind of resolution. Sometimes, we just have to “let offenses go.”  Sometimes we will need to make a judgement that raising an issue may have inherent risks that are not worth the potential fuss.  We may need to forgive “in quiet,” to come to some sort of peace about the situation all by ourselves and move on.

Beyond small day by day interactions, it seems to me that there are two broad areas where forgiveness might be needed.  Evan Stephens prayed: “Forgive the follies and faults of youth” (p. 91 in our hymnbooks).  As children, we make mistakes, especially in our relationships with brothers and sisters and sometimes also with parents.  Recently, I was remembering that I did a lot of teasing of my sister Dorothy when we were children, and mentioned that to her along with telling her that I was sorry for this.  I was relieved for her to say that she didn’t remember any problems and to see that she had carried no bitterness over into her adulthood.  Also in one of our last conversations with Wendy’s littler sister Bonnie (two and a half years younger) before she passed away, they were recalling some stories of Wendy’s ill treatment of her when they both were young.  On one occasion (at about age 8 or 9) Wendy had tied her to an apple tree in their back yard, then pelted her with rotten apples. There were other incidents also.  As life went on, Wendy had expressed her sorrow to Bonnie over her earlier treatment, and we are grateful that there was no carry over into adulthood of any resentment over these events.  Adulthood requires that people forgive hurtful childish and youthful behaviors of their siblings or other youths.  As the Revenant, mountainman Hugh Glass is reported to have said, when meeting the young Jim Bridger after the latter with an adult companion has abandoned a desperately wounded Hugh hundreds of miles from care and safety on the high plains of Wyoming, “I forgive you, for your youth.”  We should do the same, and not carry over childhood issues into adulthood.

Further, there may be a need in some cases for us to reconcile with our parents over our childish or youthful mistakes and also to forgive ourselves for our childish or youthful mistakes.  The past follies and faults of youth need to be forgiven and forgotten.

A second broad issue that may require some forgiveness has to do with our parents and how we were raised and even how we may be treated as adults by our parents.  As we noted above, just as just as there are no perfect children, there are no perfect parents.  Our experience as adults, especially as we become parents ourselves, should persuade us to be tolerant of mistakes our own parents might have made.  When we were being raised, our parents had no prior experience with parenting, plus they may have been burdened with less than perfect examples from their parents.

Wisdom from marital counseling practice suggests that some persons may grow into adults having internalized an erroneous sense of “entitlement” which they expect as a sort of right, but which are really dysfunctonal and a potential cause of contention.  In a small way, I experienced this myself early in my marriage to JoAnn.  When I was a child, when my Dad got home from work, my mother would say to us kids, “Your dad works so hard, give him a few minutes to read the paper.”  I somehow came to think that this was a entitlement belonging to all dads, to be able to read today’s newspaper without having the kids bother him when arrives home from work, or without being expected to take on other family duties for a time.  I soon realized that as a father my family was different, more kids, more stresses on the wife.  Things went better in our family, when arriving home from work if I gave immediate attention to the kids and also looked around to see if there were household tasks that I could help with.  I had to dismiss this newspaper reading “entitlement” that I had inherited from my own growing up family.  In successful families, it is beneficial to identify the existence of such expectations and then dismiss them.

Parents have obligations for their care of minor children, but probably not much toward their children when grown.  But sometimes children grow up still retaining a belief that as adults their parents still are obligated to them in some ways.  I think that kind of sense of “entitlement” is destructive to family relationships.

Here is a personal example of what could have been dysfunctional entitlement thinking.  When JoAnn and I got married, we had had very little contact with my parents as a couple.  My mother came to Utah for the reception and had not previously met JoAnn.  The wedding didn’t give us much time with her.  My father stayed at home in Washington.  The next summer they planned a trip to Virginia to get acquainted with his cousins and on their way back home to visit us in Utah.  I was excited about this, especially to have them see our new baby Alison.  She was so very cute.

They stayed a couple of days, and it seemed to me that all they were interested in doing was to report to us on the great experience they had had with the relatives in Virginia.  They showed very little interest in this wonderful little being that JoAnn and I had created.  I had a few days of feeling disappointment and frustration, but then asked myself, “Why should I be angry at my parents.  They did everything they knew how to and were capable of to raise me and prepare me for life.  Now I am a grown up with a family of my own, and they are getting older.  While it might have been nice to have them make a big fuss of our baby, why should I need something more from my parents than what they have already given me?  Just be grateful for all this plus that they have had a chance for some satisfying experiences with the Virginia relatives.  What right do I have to feel entitled to receive more from them?”

In our extended family, we can cite some instances where it appears that grown up children have retained some long-term anger toward their parents for some perceived omission, maybe in childhood or earlier adulthood.  It seems to me that forgiveness is needed on the part of the grown child.  I think that a person truly enters into adulthood for themselves, when they can say and believe, “I know that my parents weren’t perfect, but I feel that they did the best for me they knew how.  I forgive them if they made mistakes.  Now that I am an adult, I take responsibility for myself.  My parents don’t owe me anything.  But I am grateful for the love and support that they chose to give.”

Investing in the future

A few weeks ago, I went to our dentist, Dr. Stan Clark, with a sore tooth which he pronounced as abcessed, and recommended that it be pulled.  His professional opinion was that it was not saveable.  So we had him do the job.  It left a gap in my bottom front teeth, not a full tooth's worth, however, because the front four from which this tooth came were crowded and partially behind or in front of others.  He suggested that an orthodontist could move them so that the three would approximately fill the available space.  So, he referred us to Drs. Trapnell, two brothers with good reputations who practice orthodontistry in Spanish Fork.  

I debated in my own mind whether it would be worthwhile to get a tooth-straightening job at my age.  I finally decided that I would vote for the future and do it, both for my own good looks and for being able to eat corn right off the cob for several more years.

I got the braces on this morning, and will have them for about a year.  I am already feeling great empathy for the grand-children who have had to go through this.

Addendum 10/4/17
Here's the rest of the story.  I got the braces off this morning, but not, Valerie, that I am no longer interested in the future.  At dinner on the day when I got the braces on, I bit down on a piece of meatloaf and one of the connectors came off on the left side; then I tried to chew a piece of Zucchini (steamed, soft) and lost two connectors on the right side; while eating a bite of ice cream after dinner I lost another connector on the left.  Since then I stayed with really soft foods, yogurt, soup, oatmeal, to try not to disturb anything else.  I was able to get an appointment with the orthodontist for this morning, to talk things over and possibly re-glue these connectors.  Apparently, it is easier to get the glue to bond with regular tooth enamel, than with artificial stuff, crowns, etc.  I then decided I didn't want to go another 363 days worrying about what to eat, how to chew, and have the discomfort I found associated with braces, plus the uncertainty of having emergencies to go back in to get the braces reattached.  So I had him removed what was left and I am braces free.   Hurray!